Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Good luck to those with dates.
@CM97 I’d be aware of it but maybe that’s just me, in case it goes down hill. I don’t want to be second option which I think I’ve experienced lately.
Mr sensible went from good communicator to a bit crap. Kept apologising for late replies and contradicting messages so I got fed up.

Ive gone back to the apps but feel a bit meh about it. Starting to wonder if my standards are too high?
Yes most men’s photos on tinder are bad! However a few guys I have dated look better than their photos and one I dated for 4 months and was a positive so there is hope!

Thank you all! I felt better after my rant 🙈
So I was reading an article about tinder last night during my frustration and apparently your second match (when you open the app) has always swiped right o. You. Anyway, I thought I'd test it out and it's true! The second swipe is always a match! This is probably common knowledge.
Anyway, the match I got last night sent me a really lovely message this morning! What are the odds? I don't know o fancy him tbh but I'll welcome a chat!

@SamW98 good luck on your date, I think that'll make it so much more chilled and enjoyable for you :)

@mumofoneanddone82 wow, I'm shocked! But do you know what, I'm so happy for you that you walked away from that situation! I'd probably be dwelling over it still 🙈, good for you!!

I don't think that makes sense, I hope it does 🙈

I agree with @mumofoneanddone82 . Being online doesn't always mean you're ready to chat to everyone and also he might be wanting to take the chat slowly.
But I do get what you're saying.... I guess all you can do is see how it goes over the next few days!

I am still navigating the protocols on online dating.
I was chatting to someone for a week or so, but sporadically so I suggested that we swap to whatsapp.
She said sure, send me your number which I did.....since then crickets! On both Bumble and on whatsapp not even a hello.

Similar story with another woman, who I suggested whatsapp to, she said OK, so this time I asked for her number.
She messaged back saying that it was suspicious that I didn't send her my number and she was now uncomfortable and then unmatched!

None of the chat has been anything other than chit chat about work, families, holiday etc, nothing lewd or suggestive.

I feel foolish for paying for 3 months on Bumble, I would have uninstalled it by now otherwise.
Keeps telliing me that people have matched from 80 miles away...I have my range set at 10 or 15 miles

Is there a less clumsy way to ask for someone's number?

@Dauntedbydating i think when I’ve moved onto what’s app I’ve found it better when someone seems more real. So they are more funny on what’s app compared to the dating app. Also showing more of an interest asking about love language, what your looking for, things in common. Rather than day to day boringness. Moving onto when we could possibly meet rather than just chatting is a positive for me once on what’s app too.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong! Some people just get nervous when getting the number as it's the ne y stage I guess.

I think I'd appreciate this kind of message - "hey ido you fancy messaging off the app? my number is 6382633874"

Bless got a newbie on Bumble
I know we ladies often moan about one word answers etc
This guy is writing me a letter each time , I'm not complaining , but it is taking him a while , but he did mention he is not tech savvy 😜

@Dauntedbydating I'd offer them your number but also an option to keep the chat in the app. And if they take the 2nd option, be okay with that too.

Hi everyone - apologies for radio silence, had murder with being logged out of my account and trying to get back in!!

@blacksocks33 how are you? Things are still going well! I am trying to enjoy things and not overplan and overthink which I find very hard to do. I won’t lie, I’ll be heartbroken if he messes me about now. How about you?

That's the way to do it.
There'll always be an opening for a person to offer a number.
Like, ' I like that, shall we swap numbers and we can chat off this clunky app and maybe arrange a date'.
Then send your number.
90 per cent will reciprocate.

Hey thanks for your advice. So this morning I had a reply from him... he's been working late so I guess I'll give his the benefit of the doubt for now 😂 We exchanged a few messages but I'm not suggesting meeting up again as I'd asked if he wanted to meet the second time. I'm leaving that ball firmly in his court.

@Dauntedbydating I think it’s fine to suggest swapping numbers, but maybe as above say happy to keep it on the app if needed.

Ive had some suggest swapping numbers or communicating via Instagram but he did open with “if you’d be comfortable To communicate off of here” which I think was a good start”

Personally I like to move to WhatsApp fairly quickly and always say send me your number and I’ll message.

I’ve had men send my their numbers as the first message. I reply it’s too soon for me and prefer to get to know someone for a few before swapping numbers. Their response tells you all you need to know.

I'm so disillusioned with it all. I've been having a break from it all but still keeping an occasional eye on Hinge. Found someone who seemed interesting. He asked to move to WhatsApp which worked for me. Then nothing. Tumbleweed. Why ask to move to WhatsApp, I don't get it. So I've now deleted all of the apps but I kind of missing it at the same time.

Feeling sad about it all today.

@CM97 I don't think it's a red flag either. It can be a bit tricky getting to know new people having had traumatic experiences. Sometimes it's just about prioritizing work and getting to know someone when having some free time.

@librauk How did it feel? Did you like it?

@chocolatefreak So glad things are going well with Mr. B, it seems like you already understand and trust each other a bit. Perhaps you'll get to know Mr. Crash a bit more when he returns.

I had a lot of fun yesterday with Mr D. We met outside and we joked and we played around. I didn't even realise how much I missed just having fun and spending time with someone who doesn't take himself too seriously (NO DRAMA!!! )

All the best with Sunday's date @SamW98

@Mckittens Aw, I understand how that feels. It's a stressful process. It's easy to get disenchanted with all of it. OLD can be very very taxing. Sometimes it's important to take MH breaks if you feel low or keeping going, whatever works for you.

I feel like I'm in such a similar headspace as you. I'm just having no luck and I don't know what to do! Is it my profile? My photos??

I remember, in the early days of OLD, I just didn't understand it when people needed a break or questioned mundane conversations etc..... I have got to the point where I can't even bring myself to respond to "hi" "how's your weekend". And an "x" on the end of a message on the apps gives me the major ick!

Sorry pressed send too soon!

I think that SO many people out there probably feel the same thag they can't even be bothered maintaining conversations or closing them off appropriately etc.

If I'm not interested in early chats anymore I tend to just unmatch. It gives the necessary message and no waiting around! I'd never do that after a date or over text though!

@Bestlife18 aww I'm really routing for you! You deserve this 🩷
From my experience, and looking at those on here, I think getting through and past 1 month of dating is a great sign. The flakers tend to flake off at about a month!

It's going terribly for me. I can't seem to get any decent matches and certainly no decent conversations going. I'm really ready and open for it... but just starting to feel like it's never going to happen 🙈

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself again 🙈

Solidarity with blacksocks & the others who are feeling low. It's hard going sometimes isn't it.

Where are all the decent men?!

I've had a flurry of activity on the free site. Including long, long, long opening messages detailing every moment of their life BUT they are all hundreds of miles away so I'm not even answering.

Bumble, well I've nicknamed that 'Grumble' in my head. Just tumbleweed.

cassiatwenty nice update, sounds like a good day!

Aw thanks @NervesOfCotton it's good to hear from you! Yes, Bumble should be named Grumble indeed. It's so hard sometimes

cassiatwenty Have you arranged another date? Sorry can't remember the backstory.

I just swiped Right on one who has this most perfectly tidied/minimalist bathroom shelf behind him! I wonder if it's always like that or if he tidied it up for the photo? (Mine, is most definitely NOT like that! I have to wander around the house looking for a clutter-free spot to take a selfie in

Ah @blacksocks33 I really hope you are right. Keeping everything crossed for sure.

what have you tried so far? My friend has just gone back on match but don’t think she has had much luck. Have you tried it? I think I’d recommend giving it a go, where I live, the other free ones were just horrendous. I’m sure someone will come up when you are least expecting it. I’m routing for you too!!

@cassiatwenty
Not a problem, in fact we have not stopped chatting since
He grew up in the same area as myself, same age ( though not what was on his profile) but he pointed that out .
Getting on like a house on fire , ours paths must have crossed at some point, it's quite uncanny .
There is only one thing I can't get my head around, he is a Buddhist
no idea how to ask him about it
Any advice , ladies ??