Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Bettedaviseyes111 go to profile at the bottom left of the app, click your pic, edit profile.

@Dauntedbydating interesting that not all men can msg first, maybe it's not rolled out to everyone yet?

@Crushed23 I normally send a message was nice meeting but no spark... and then block after they acknowledge or after a day or 2 if not.

This happened to me on Tinder! I just changed it to "I don't know yet ' or something, and then when I matched with a guy I just let them know I was.after something more casual right now. Then if they didn't want to continue they could just unmatch (not many did! 😂)

I think all I want from OLD right now is to meet someone I can go to cool pizza places with in East London. Oh and interesting conversation.

Is there a chance than men sense this and they actually want more? I know men are always painted as the flakey commitment-phobes and it’s women who are supposed to want ‘more’, but right now I don’t want more and I’m still struggling to meet someone like-minded!

I’m fishing in the never married/no kids 30somethings pool, for context.

Hi all, just thought I’d update I posted the other day about the guy reappearing who had backtracked after a handful of dates. So those who guessed he was after one thing only were right! He has gone about it in a bit of an odd/demanding way and I’m completely put off of him! He was offering me the world previously and I wasn’t quite buying it. No wonder he is single….

However Mr sensible is still messaging daily so feeling hopeful for another date at the weekend!

I sent the ‘no spark’ message. He took it well.

Onwards! (Though no dates lined up atm…😅)

I have a second date with Mr Italian tonight. I'm in two minds about him as he has contacted me so many times since Saturday including wanting to chat on the phone all the bloody time. I did one phone call with him on Monday morning while I was walking the dogs and then yesterday when he wanted another, I ended up telling him I was going in the bath. I can't work out whether he's just very excited or is being a bit lovebomb-ey. In any case, he's clearly got much more time on his hands than I have.

Also have to talk to him about paying for dates again as he's booked another super expensive restaurant. I might offer to take him out on date 3 if we get there.

No other irons at all - Mr Gilet is away for a few days, and I'm going to see my ex (who I've found on Match) at the weekend!

@User990 I've tried that but it only lets me edit everything else … that section doesn’t even show up to be edited. Am I missing something? 🤔

@Bettedaviseyes111 how weird! Mine shows up between smoking and kids! I'd try updating the app, or if it still doesn't show up, reach out to bumble support (or re-install the app?).

Bettedaviseyes I just checked mine & clicked on my profile photo, edit profile, then it all came up & I could just click on the 'I'm looking for' bit & change it.

If not then like User990 says, try Bumble support. I've found they are great at responding quickly (they didn't actually fix my problem, but they were good communicators)

Dauntedbydating Yeah, Bumble sucks big time atm! I would have cancelled my membership but it rolled over before I realised. The 'changes' have made no difference to me. I had one compliment on a photo & that's it.

blacksocks33 Solidarity! It's just not working for me right now (& now my heart's not in it so I'm barely swiping so it won't work, will it!)

Started one chat, got busy, came back 4 hours later & replied, he instantly deleted so guessing thats another sulker because I wasn't glued to my phone.

So, what’s going on when you’re having a very good convo with someone you’ve matched with, maybe over a day or two… and then poof! They vanish. It’s not like it’s been dragging on or boring, it seems right in the thick of the promising early convos. They’ve just picked up someone else?

Well I’m hating the new Bumble had a look this morning swiped for 1 bloke then got the ‘you’ve out of likes ‘ message - after 1 swipe ffs

RosieAway No idea what that is about but it happens to me a lot (or it used to when I used to talk to people

I put it down to them finding somebody else who they prefer. A lot of them try to match with me again so it definitely seems to be the case.

Ha. Yes I’m sure. And this one had loads of hair, was over 6 foot and quite cool so he will be INUNDATED

@RosieAway yes this happened to me too. The guy was rather photogenic, so I wouldn't be surprised if he had dozens of matches.

(To be honest, I think most guys on OLD would be " photogenic" if only they knew how to pose and get a good outfit. I wish I were a man, the competition would be so thin).

Ha agree.

I prompted mine and he immediately came back apologising and saying he’ll be down my way at the weekend. Hmm. Let’s see. All a bit vague but could be good to just meet before any chit chat.

I have the problem of getting back with my ex (who was really gaslighty and had issues but has since grown a bit through therapy) - it seemed good but then fell apart again over him staying friends with someone he’d shagged while we were on a break. We might be able to get through it but if this other guy comes through, it might be a sign to let the whole ex situation go. We are not speaking over it.

I realise how this makes me sounds. I’ve been single for ages though!

@RosieAway your ex was gaslighty and trying to make you jealous with a woman he shagged ….. noooooo. Keep him in the bin.

Omg I don't know what energy I am giving out atm but I feel like my love life is an absolute disaster!
Been in the apps on and off for about a year, solidly since Jan, and I've just started to receive really creepy/sexual messages from men :(
I also paid for match for a month which was n absolute shit show and I've already cancelled the subscription and deleted the app!
Just been on tinder and saw Mr shys profile come up... assuming that means he's made a new profile a did already swipped left on him? Anyway, made me feel a bit rubbish!
I have zero conversations going . Those convos I have had this week have all been a dead end, no excitement or potential. I don't know what's going!!!
I don't want to have a break because, what's the point!

How is everyone getting on?
@SamW98 have you rearranged last weeks date?
@mumofoneanddone82 how did you get on with your guy? Has he stepped up?
@2anddone how's things gone with Mr IRL since your chat?
@Bestlife18 you still getting on with your guy from match?

Hope everyone is having a better time then me!

@blacksocks33 sorry to hear you are having a shitty time of it, hope you find a match who might make you feel a bit more positive about OLD soon
Mr IRL is away until late tomorrow night and I am out all day Sunday so our first chance to see each other is Monday...we have text loads this week about all different things including going on a date at some point (no date booked yet mainly because I have said let's wait until you get home as don't want to get my hopes up then he decides he can't until his divorce is through and the pay off done) and also day to day stuff plus some sexual texts too. I am now interested to see what happens when he gets back... will keep you posted

@blacksocks33

Yes rearranged date this Sunday. Though doing it pretty casual as I’m off to Lakeside to do a bit of holiday shopping so meeting there after my retail therapy for a coffee and chat.

So I've had 2 dates with a man - first coffee and then lunch yesterday. After the lunch he messaged and we've had a few text exchanges last night. He didn't read my messages last night although was online. This morning he read and replied immediately.

I messaged this evening, he's been on line but hasn't read them.

Am I over thinking this? Is this normal or a red flag? 🚩
For context my last relationship was with a narcissist... by the second date love bombing was well under way, including almost continuous texting. I like the 2 dates man, he seems to like me apart from not reading my messages.

@blacksocks33 keep swiping! Don't judge on first picture and go for the ones that have something funny or endearing written on their profile! Remember, Mr Shy is not good enough for your fabulousness!

I heard from Mr C! But I've lost all interest in him! I didn't respond to his last text, which he sent on Sunday and he hasn't reached out! I realised I was settling for something that wasn't actually that great (he was nice until he went all weird and it gave massive red flags this early on)! I'm back to swiping and going to make my standards higher if possible! Which will probably mean zero chat and matches! I might sign up to hinge this weekend for the fun haha! Xxx

Also, without sounding horrible but so many men's photos on Tinder look like they're from a police line up!!

And I also judge by soft furnishing in the background

I wouldn't say it's a total red flag. I know people who will go online to send or read important work related messages but leave personal messages unread until they have a chance to answer with enough spare time in case you end up exchanging a few messages.
However, I would make a mental note of when the replies come through if they are always at the same time of day and at early morning it might be he is hiding texting from somebody

@CM97 I agrée with @2anddone; maybe he's just busy? I know when it's full on with work with me I ignore my chats.

As for my news; Mr Crash is on a long holiday but to be honest I've lost interest in him. Mr B is being his usual responsive and warm self. He travels a lot and has a complicated situation but I like him and this arrangement suits me atm.

I reopened Bumble and, incredibly, have two chats going of less than 10km away- very unusually. One divorced and one I think never married. Very enthusiastic messager but doesn't see his son v often- due to ex not respecting visiting rights, keeping an eye out for red flag here.

All the best with Sunday's date @SamW98!