Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh yeah thanks @BelindaOkra he revealed his true cards on Friday, total whack job quite frankly! All gone now x

@Chocolatefreak thats what I thought - it’s a good distraction from thinking about that idiot and may as well make the most of my £40’investment!! Sod the bastard!

it’s so hard squeezing them in isn’t it. I’ve got one potentially Fri and then another Sat if they stay the course. I’m naming them mr wifi and mr footy 😂

This is why we all need to be here for each other @cassiatwenty the one guy I’m currently chatting to is quite fun, lots of bants so it’s just easier…

@katmunchkin In my experience men tend to internalise their stress so it won't be easy to get them open up. In addition, depressed people tend to transfer their resentment to the people closest to them - so the more you push for a solution the more they will move away from you. That is to say you are facing an uphill battle. If it were me, I would ask him if I could come to visit (find an excuse such as you will bring food or something). Seeing him can help verify the story (see if he looks ill). It is also a good judge of character - even if his story is true, it will still be a difficult relationship if he deals with stress by closing down to you.

Date with mr modern went well, though not as well as the previous ones, mainly because his shirt smelled. I didn't bring it up as he was super tired, but may mention it if it happens again.

Following my therapist's advice, I will introduce him to some close friends in July. Still cracking my head to think of a way to meet his parents !

I agree @Bestlife18 even if it's a decent guy, he can't (and shouldn't) replace one's female friendships.

I'm glad you met someone who is easy to talk to. You're right, everything is just easier when you're talking to a guy who's on the same page, jokes around, shows interest in you, asks how your day was.

@cassiatwenty I agree - when I went back through msgs from the one I was seeing who was awful to me - it’s all very superficial levels of interest in me. Have a good days, how are the kids, and no real interest. I also work in possibly the most emotive place you could possibly imagine, he called it a “care home” to a friend once and showed zilch emotion about it at all!

Thank you @Okigen, I admit this is what I was leaning towards - partly because I am being naive and not wanting to believe the opposite is true! He's told me previously he used to deal with things like this very badly (he was encouraging me to open up at the time), so maybe this is real bad relapse for him.
As he asked for time and space, I'll give him until the weekend, which will be 6 days NC, and then drop him a lighthearted message asking if he needs any support, but not pushing to talk about 'us'. If I don't get anything then, then I'll walk away.

For me, personally I wouldn't push anything. and as @Mckittens says why would you get him anything for Father's Day, I mean WTAF?

Had nice chats with Mr Martin Kemp Mark II last night where he opened up and told me more about his life/interests and work (or lack of it) and also with Mr Entrpreneur where he seems keen to meet on Sunday.

@bethatgirl - sometimes you just know, don't you, when things aren't going well?

Last year, I was seeing Mr TV for a year. Nice man, we went to a lot of film previews which he gets through work, but apart from some work in the spring he had a tough time getting work otherwise. It was ok as we still went out and did things but I felt towards the end that I was pushing him for things to do and see and go places. I'd met his 2 housemates who were his 2 close friends plus a few other close friends too, we had some things in common and at Christmas he met my DB and his family but the sex wasn't great and I just didn't feel any excitement, it was getting boring, he wanted to stay in more and watch TV/DVDs and I want/need more from life than that. It was also when his female housemate (they were married, the 2 housemates) joked about "moths coming out of his wallet" and that he was "punching" with me as I was a "glamour girl" - not 100% true that I thought, this won't get better. So I ended it in January this year.

@katmunchkin if you have Spotify, pls see if you can find the mean lady talking podcasts. It’s a relationship lady from the states who wrote a very successful book. It’s very American but what she says is bang on. I listened to one about narcissists driving home from work last night and sat there face palming myself all the time thinking “why was I so stupid!!” Hold onto your pride now, if a man wants to see you, he will. I wish I could rewind myself back a week and get that message through. Make the decision for him, block and move on.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain Thank you for your advice

@Bestlife18 You're not stupid, people learn best through their own experiences not from theory.

I am just checking out what you recommended -- Mean Lady Talking Podcast? She is very blunt, but a lot of things she speaks about make sense.

Trying to find the Mean Lady Talking but not.. what is her name?

@Bewareofthisonetoo

open.spotify.com/show/1nPOU6mpGNIlS1IWQFSXY7?si=ZE1u0xoYS2-eIJ0LrcZxbw

Talking of podcasts I was listening to a Jay Shetty dating podcast earlier. He was talking about having boundaries in place.
My question is around communication if they are a slow responder do you match their vibe. I.e if they are quick to reply you do the same if they take hours do you do the same?
It wobbles me in the early dating stage and I don’t do games! So I tend to give it a bit of time if they are slow but I won’t be as slow as them unless I’m super busy!

@Tillievanilly I tend to match their vibe but if we meet and they don’t pick up the pace then tbh I’m not interested as I like a bit of to and fro conversation wise

@Tillievanilly Ideally you just want to have a conversation with him where communication flows.

Iron (I blocked and deleted), it took him two or three hours to respond and he responded only with one or two sentences.

It did throw me off, but I didn't proceed. The whole point of talking online is to talk online first and get to know each other.

@cassiatwenty yes this is what’s app sometimes it’s regular sometimes it’s hours. Plus I know he isn’t busy this week. We have met and it was great another date this week. I just like a bit of structure to it I guess. If it goes further and communication is sporadic I know I won’t like it. But he is quite a laid back type.

honestly @cassiatwenty my friend and I went to the gym tonight and we have both been burned by bastards and we both have gone back again to listen. The books are getting past your breakup and getting back out there, the first saved me when I had a horrific experience with an ex 4 years ago who turned out to be a complete sham and womaniser. I highly recommend - a lot of very straight talking stuff that I am trying to take in so I don’t get suckered again 🙄

It’s interesting that question - you are meant to and see what happens but I don’t play games either. The one I’ve been chatting with this week in my getting back on the horse regime is really chatty the other not so and actually the really chatty one has the edge so far because of it. It’s just painful otherwise!

MrMsg has cancelled. He sent a message to say he had a couple of dates with someone and they want to progress. Nice of him.

Have two more I am speaking with, neither have names yet. Will see where those conversations go!

I guess at least he was honest!

I go back and forth with wanting to get out there again and wanting to just move to a remote island and never deal with men again. I went for a coffee with one bloke, no interest and I only had the app (fb) for about a day. I am not sure what I want so maybe as well to keep away.

Just had a disappointing date with Mr Sailor. Nice enough, but much older than photos and unrepresentative. I had a suspicion they were overly flattering and sent a very honest one of me hoping he would do the same. I should have insisted. Gah! What a waste of time! I guess this is the risk we take. Sent him a rejection message, which he took very well.

@Psychoticbreak agree!! He could have just ghosted me!

@Chocolatefreak I'm sorry it does sound disappointing. At least he took being rejected well. Do take care of yourself, and take a break if or when you need to

Had chats with two men. One was brilliant, brilliant first chat, and then he became aloof and distant but kept in touch. I think he was just stringing me along or playing games, so I ended it.

Mr Father's Day was fit but it would take him three hours to reply, and it would be one sentence. I don't even think it was something malicious, just his communication style but I really to want my relationship to be with someone who likes chatting with me.

So taking a break right now until July. Having a stressful time in one's life and having men bad for you amplifies that stress.

Spotify Mean Lady was right. Having standards is good. There are men out there who will take anyone who's kind to them because they are Bloodsuckers (a bit harsh, but she said it not me 😋)

I decided from the get go to put my MH and my female friendships first. I need someone who will enrich my life and whose life I will enrich, not just a warm body.