Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

😂😂😂😂

I have to say that he's been very honest about wanting dom/sub in all parts of his life...some women want that as well.

I expect he'd have more luck on Feeld or Fetlife.

Found the thread!!
Had a chat with Mr IRL last night (via text as he is on holiday at the moment) we have decided to see if there could be anything more than FWB there and go on a date once he gets home....will keep you posted!

@2anddone That’s exciting! Is FWB what you wanted though or were you open to other possibilities?

I was definitely open to other possibilities! Think I had convinced myself it would never be more than FWB in the hope I didn't catch feelings...messed that up 😉

Such great news @2anddone so pleased for you! Keep us posted how things go, will you? 😊

Does anyone know how someone can match with you on Bumble if you haven’t accepted them? … got a notification saying I had a match even though I hadn’t been on there. Totally new to OLD apps … only joined last night … so I have no clue ahahaaaa.

Also I’m only wanting FWB and have been quite upfront on my profile but lots of the people liking me say “want a long term relationship” … makes me feel a bit awkward clarifying I have zero interest in feelings … do you think all men just default to that as their setting in some sort of attempt to put people ease? Not sure whether to match with them and see or just bin them off straight away?

Will do, will stay on here too as I love how supportive this chat is.

@Bettedaviseyes111 did you swipe right on anyone when you joined? If so, if they came to the app after you and swiped right on you, this would show up later as a match. When you've both swiped right this means you've matched. Or, if you haven't done any swiping yet, there is a new feature where men can send you a compliment that goes into your inbox... you don't have to message back, you can just let it expire.

I guess a long-term, exclusive FWB could be interpreted as a kind of long-term relationship of sorts.... not how I would define it but maybe some people do? Maybe you're one of the few people - like @SortingItOut - who can manage to have regular sex with someone without developing feelings? If the expectations of men on Bumble are too relationship-focused you could maybe try Feeld which is apparently more for FWB?

Thanks @Chocolatefreak.

Someone else did recommend Feeld but I’m not sure…. I do want casual with zero emotions but don’t want to go down any sort of kinks route…. I just want physical intimacy and some light hearted laughs.

I’ve set my profile as intimacy no commitment so hopefully they’ll understand from that.

I get your point regarding not getting feelings…. tbh the proper FWB scenario is going to be a new one for me so I think to ensure I don’t get involved I’m going to keep it super short term then bin them off.

I’ve never seen this but it looks awful.

I am in the 30s dating pool and it is slim pickings…. it really does feel like these are just the men that no other women wanted!

@Bettedaviseyes111 I'd talk to guys, even if says LTR on their profile but just be upfront. They may be also open to FB/FWB. Now it's possible to choose 2 options what looking for but not everyone would have updated it yet.

Hi everyone just found the new thread.
Mr sensible is still quiet but messaging from time to time. Supposed to be seeing him at the weekend.
Has anyone had this happen…dated a guy a few months back. The only date I have clicked with tbh since being single. It all moved quite quick. Him more keen than me then he backtracked. Well now he has messaged asking to be friends saying he misses our chats?? Wwyd??
I was a bit bruised at the time but I don’t tend to give second chances!

Ohh that's a tough one! What was your initial reaction? Do you want to go back there?

I shared this story in response to a similar question a while back, but just sharing again incase it helps!

My best friend met someone in bumble. She fell head over heels but it came to an abrupt end and he was abit of an idiot! Fast forward a year and he crept back, liking stuff on insta etc. they reconnected, and 3 years later they are smitten and such a wonderful couple!
It just wasn't the right time the first time, he had shit going on and it impacted everything.

Timing is a major thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with re exploring if you want to 🙂

Chatting to someone for a couple of weeks but only a message a day.
I suggested Whatsapp and she has said she's not comfortable she knows me well enough yet.
Well...there is no way of getting to know each other with no engagement in messaging...Agghh!!
Certainly not just guys that are not communicative!

@blacksocks33
My initial reaction was he can wait. Then I’m not sure. Now I just want to know the ifs and buts. Before I decide. It was a handful of dates and the timing was wrong but I have a feeling his issue won’t be resolved yet. So I’m thinking maybe he is after the obvious!

@Tillievanilly could be many reasons but I'd guess (if being cynical) he wants some validation and attention?

@Dauntedbydating have you met? If not, I think it's quite understandable not to exchange numbers. Have you talked about a date?

If someone asks to move to WhatsApp and you are ok with that is it best to get their number and message or the other way round? Or am I over thinking this and it doesn't matter?

I'm thinking either way you can delete/ block if needed so maybe it makes no difference?

@Mckittens either/or, just block them if they’re no good

Joining the thread (again!).

Spring is coming and so I'm now back to OLD.

First date: Not much in common, so I apologised and wished him all the best. "No worries and best of luck to you too!". What a lovely guy.

Second date: smelled so very badly as if he hadn't washed his clothes for a month 😱

Third date: seemed promising at first, but he got more and more clingy as the messages went. I apologised and got a row of angry messages back.

Fourth date: Nice guy, conversational, knowledgeable. I'm tempted to ask how on earth you are still single?! But the second date is coming soon so let's keep the mouth shut.

Hi @Bettedaviseyes111

I have a lovely FWB who I met on Feeld. I wasn't wanting kink either (at the time, lol) so I just put that on my profile. Not everyone out there is looking for kink. I did also go onto Bumble and my experience there was that even guys who have indicated they want a LTR may well be up for considering FWB. Some may have been dating for ages and just want some fun, others may have just put LTR to attract women 😂
It's still worth a try, but just be honest about what you're looking for. Good luck!

Well done on getting a second date so soon after being back on OLD!

I’ve had 9 first dates in 7 months… 😑

@DippingAToeIn thanks and good to hear you’ve found the FWB you were looking for! How’s it going for you?
I’ve started chatting to a few but been put off by either vague seedy innuendo / games or the one I thought was most promising suddenly suggesting we join a website he’s into where we could join “multiple” people in something 😬

I just want someone funny but most importantly honest, who I can have intimacy with. I am by no means vanilla and I’m fairly liberal but don’t want to just turn it into doing something more than I’m comfortable with.

Well the men sending opening messages feature has made such a big difference to Bumble *sarcasm

Two messages this morning

Hello and 👋