Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

No, not met or talked about a date.
I don't think I would meet someone who wasn't comfortable sharing their WA with me, nor will I meet someone who thinks 1 message every other day is the way to get to know someone, nor someone who replies to a paragraph with three words.
Basic communication skills are needed and I want to guage whether there is a chance of getting on with someone, rather than staring blankly over a coffee or a drink before I commit my time and effort

Totally agree re inconsistent messaging and I’d feel the same.

Though many women are hesitant to give out numbers until after they’ve met you which is totally understandable due to previous experiences so that’s something to bear in mind. Most women have had negative experiences after giving their numbers out - either via WhatsApp or phone calls so it really is a bigger deal for women to make that decision

I thought it's quite common to only share number after meeting? Most of the times , for me, when chats have moved to whatsapp, unless a date has been agreed, it has become a penpal situation. Plus I don't like the idea of strangers having my phone number - this is what we are essentially before meeting.

But I agree, good communication is essential, I wouldn't continue talking to someone with short answers (and asking no questions).

Please can someone talk me through match?
They had a one month offer on today for £4.99 so I thought, why not!

But I'm having people message me from like 50 miles away, 20 years older then me.
How do I filter out distance and age? I have no interest having a pointless conversation with someone on the other end of the country?!

@Dauntedbydating I dated a guy who messaged nice a day recently. This was after agreeing the date though! It did make the date more exciting and more tkt all about... but if it was like this with no date in sight I'd loose interest!
I think it's clear from your post you feel the same. I would move on if I was you. Everyone's communication is different and this person clearly isn't fulfilling your needs!

@blacksocks33
If you go into search , top left 2nd in , gives you a filter , can change preference.

It's going well actually! I do like him and we get on great, but I'm very comfortable with it being casual and nothing more, which was a surprise to me.
I had to filter out some creeps too. My rule was to only swipe on men who had written something on their profile about themselves as a person and not just their sexual preferences. That definitely helped! Then just being very clear about what I wanted. Perhaps I was lucky, but I've also had a couple of very fun and respectful hook ups too from Feeld 😊
I disconnect at the first sign of anything I don't like, or the slightest red flag. Trust your gut. I also did a video call first with my FWB which was good. Meet somewhere public for the first time too, I'm sure you know that x

@DippingAToeIn thank you for the advice I’ll give it a try. I’m wondering if I’m being too ruthless with trusting my gut atm, writing off anyone who tries cheeky chappy banter, seedy innuendo or just being incredibly bold…. So pretty much everyone! 😂

It is good to know FWB can go well and be respectful though. Do you thing you will do it long term or would you cut it off at a certain point to make sure it doesn’t develop into more?

Thank you! I've done that and it seems to have filtered my selection but I'm still getting messages for people outside of the age range in Dublin etc!

Not sure i like match 🙈

Yes I would do it long term. As long as we both communicate any changes of feelings to each other, and keep checking in that we're both happy with the arrangement then I can't see a problem with it. 😊 Wish you all the best! x

Following…

@Dauntedbydating messaging frequency is one of those variables it's quite hard to align on. For me it's not really quantity but quality. After matching with someone and the initial pleasantries there is often a fast exchange of messages where you're getting to know one another well enough to actually want to arrange a date. For me, if that doesn't happen then there isn't much of an incentive to meet.

I've met up with men who've been sparing with messages and I haven't clicked with them face-to-face. But nearly all of the ones I've met after at least one session of energetic messaging I've liked enough to have another date with, or remain friends with anyway. A good conversation is the minimum really.

Wow I am so glad I haven't paid a full subscription to match! What an absolute mess of an app it is!
I have so many weird me. Sending me the cheesiest messages, I haven't matched or spoken to ANYONE. I also don't know how to filter people out properly or get people from hundreds of miles away to stop messaging me! I already want to cancel!!!

I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I know I recently had a date but I haven't found any excitement or spark since MR shy back in March and my mind still keeps wandering back to him. I know (hope!!) it won't be like this forever... but I'm just feeling really deflated atm :(

I'm having a conversation with some atm but he's just told me he looks being Center of attention and he seems abit arrogant so I already know it's not going anywhere...

I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I know I recently had a date but I haven't found any excitement or spark since MR shy back in March and my mind still keeps wandering back to him. I know (hope!!) it won't be like this forever... but I'm just feeling really deflated atm :( @blacksocks33

This is me and my date back in February. Basically the only ‘spark’ I’ve had since being back on OLD the past 7 months. It was only a first date but I still think about him!

How long did you date Mr Shy?

@Crushed23 it was about 5 weeks in total... and that's as far as I've got with OLD which is probably why it feels significant for me 🙈
I also over invested and really fell for him.... which is my own fault but he also did lead me on! I don't sit thinking about him, but he does cross my mind! I just wish I could find that spark again elsewhere but it feels impossible 🙈
Sorry you're feeling the same.... it's just so deflating isn't it!

Ona. Separate note please can someone talk me through these prompts on bumble? I have added one ( it really understanding it 😎) and had two new matches. The prompt has popped up in the chat box? What does this even mean? Is it worth me sending a normal opening message or with that prompt is it now up to them to respond? I don't get it!!

@blacksocks33
Mine is nothing like that
I get zero messages
I got em, before i subscribed, but could not reply
So like you got deal, but since then nada, loads of likes , views etc, but no one I want to interact with so far
Have deleted Hinge, as it was dead 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@librauk I tend to find myself going back to tinder but I'm feeling frustrated with the men on there 🙈 although all of my dates have come from that app!
I want to get into bumble, but i get hardly any matches on there and I dislike the fact women have to start the chat.
Hinge is pointless and match can do one 🙈

@blacksocks33 do you mean opening move? I've had few guys message me first but still mostly I send the first message - I don't know if men have understood they can now send message first (or they still like us doing it first)

@Crushed23 I'm not particularly picky hence the high number of dates😅Normally just a couple of days messaging, then they ask me out and I will say yes unless there is something in the messages that puts me off. So quantity over quality - which probably explains why 2 out of 4 dates were disasters!

Mr Modern arranged a weekend rendezvous at a museum. I'm surprised at how similar we are in tastes, but try to remind myself not to be excited yet, because the same thing happened to Mr. Antiques last year with the end result of me crying for 2 days straight. This time round I've decided not to rush things. We will just meet and see how it goes!

I have Bumble and as a guy, I can't see that I can send a message first.
Uninstalled it, and reinstalled and also have a paid membership.
Stupidly paid for three months, quite a few matches from 75+ miles away, no local ones and no recent matches at all for over a week.

Feels like a con to me! If I hadn't paid up front, I would have deleted it

I’m currently receiving matches from swipes I made before the changes came through. I guess that when a match is made the man is prompted to answer the prompt.

I get prompted to leave a comment on photos on some profiles.

The guy I went on a first date with on Saturday who I don’t fancy has asked me out for a second date. If he didn’t spend most of the first date trying to paint me as shallow (because he sensed I didn’t fancy him), I might say yes to a friendly drink. But I don’t think I would even want to be friends with him.

I need to come up with a polite but firm rejection message.

I have never been a fan of Bumble. I like a guy to message first (I know, I know).

No thank you.

Does anyone know how to change the “I’m looking for …” information on bumble.

I set it to “intimacy no commitment” as I don’t want any form of relationship … but some of the people are now freaking me out so think it was a bad move on my part and want to change it 😬😂