Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Tillievanilly thats fab re your first date! Have you a second one planned?

@Bestlife18 deleting your messagings is such a huge step forward! Going over and over them is really unhelpful and hurtful so I'm glad you've done this ❤️
I know it's so hard what you're going through, but I imagine your stress levels are so much better then last week when this was all starting!
Hoping you're ok xx

@Mckittens we seem to be in a similar situation. Yes, we do have plans to meet on Thursday. I’m working in his city on Thursday so he is meeting me afterwards. I’m looking forward to it.

@Tillievanilly looking forward to updates!

Hi everyone! For those asking we moved to what’s app quite quickly but had matched previously a few months ago but only messaged on the app and the conversation dried up a bit. I was wary as he is a tad younger but is definitely my type. I unmatched previously due to the conversation. This time I rejoined the app and he liked me. Had a lovely first date that lasted hours. He ticks a lot of boxes. We are meeting again this week. No red flags yet! I have considered that younger guys sometimes have less issues they just may not have met the right person yet….

So I matched with someone on bumble. No profile typed up, but thought he was ok looking so swiped based on that.
As he had nothing in his bio I sent a pretty generic but engaging first message and he replied saying this -

"Did you copy and paste that intro from AI or something" and then loads of laughing faces!!!
What a nob!

Maybe if you actually put soemthing on your bio I would have something better to say!!!

Ahhh!

Thanks @blacksocks33 so…. As I had my match acccount set back up to see what that bastard was up to on Fri, I had a little mooch around and have two potential dates lined up for next weekend.

I say potential in case they vanish before then! Moved to what’s app as well which I just find easier tbh. Just trying to be more observant. So far no narcissistic bs spotted but I’m watching!

Ooh exciting!! How much younger is he?? The one I have been messaging is 5 years younger than me and the other a year. I totally agree, the older the are the worse they seem to be!

@blacksocks33 lol! Idiot. When photos have piqued my interest but theres no bio I always send something like this:

“Hey, So, if you were to write a bio on your profile, what would it say?” Usually gets a response!

@Bestlife18 that's great news re two potential dates. Regardless of whether they come to anything think it's good you've just got back out there. I've decided to respond to a couple of messages I'd received. The email guy I've been chatting to has asked to meet up but I can't do this week and he is away at the weekend and I'm away the following one so have agreed we will meet next week but the thought of another week of just messaging him and potentially being further invested when we haven't even met is bothering me. So have got back to a couple of other people this morning. I stupidly feel a bit bad about it for some reason. I'm definitely not cut out for old!

@Mckittens I think it’s because we are decent people! It’s crazy as I’m sure they wouldn’t give a shit about us!! I feel the same , I haven’t wanted to log back into match as I thought it looked disrespectful to these guys! Tbh it’s probably enough juggling 2 conversations!

thank you - I thought it would give me a bit of a distraction and potentially help me with the over thinking!! 😬🤯

@LittleFloatingGhost that's a great idea! Thank you ☺️

@Bestlife18two dates lined up! Ahh good for you! She's back 😃!!!

That guy just really annoyed me last night. It was a really sneering message when read in fill and I just thought, do you know what, you have made zero effort with anything so you can just jog on!! 🫣

I still feel like I'm at a loose end with everything. I very rarely have any one message me first, and I almost just as rarely get a response! I think I might try and give my profile an update 🤷🏼‍♀️Any more suggestions of good openers?

Hi all, long time lurker here, looking for some advice! I've been dating someone I met on Tinder since February, we went exclusive pretty quickly and see each other once/twice a week. We've both spoken very openly about past experiences and trauma's (he's much further on in his healing than I am), but we've also spoken regularly about how we see this going somewhere serious, forever etc. He treats me like I've always wanted to be treated, and the chemistry and attraction is off the scale, for both of us.
Several weeks ago he started feeling intense pressure and stress from work, and was diagnosed by the doctor with physical exhaustion. I felt him pull away slightly, but he confirmed everything was fine with us, he was just drained. I went on holiday with friends last week and he was even more distant, and since I've come back he says physical exhaustion has led to mental exhaustion and he needs time and space away from all the stresses in his life. He said he doesn't want a break from me, but since this we haven't spoken for several days and his few messages have been cold. I've offered support, or offered to give him space from me, but I don't know what to do. We've spoken before about ghosting and slow fade is the lowest of the low so I didn't think he'd do this, but I'm worried about him and just want him to open up. Any advice?

@katmunchkin if you catch up on my last messages from this week, you will see the same pattern. He is bs’ing you imo and I also had conversations about how he was decent and wouldn’t do that sort of thing. He also told me “trust is very important to me” 🤣 your message could have been written by me.

It sounds like you have had a tough time already and it’s hard but move on and cut his supply off. One thing I did learn from my ex husband who took all of the things I told him about my past and used them against me, I’d keep a little back until you are further in. Luckily, I did hold stuff back from the bastard I was involved with. Hope you are ok, it feels awful x

@blacksocks33 ahh opening lines - I try and pick something from profile but as most of them can’t be arsed to fill it in, it’s difficult!!

thank you - I thought sod it, let’s see what other psychos I can find!! 😂

@Bestlife18 that's the spirit! Straight back on the horse! And @Mckittens it's probably wise to have a back-up to provide distraction in case of disappointment from long build-up with Mr Email.

In fact I am going to use this strategy with my current chat with Mr Sailor as I'm getting a bit too invested. He was busy last weekend, I'm busy this weekend and I have limited time to meet during the week. Wednesday may be my only possibility and it's not ideal as it will be after two very intense work days. Am trying to squeeze in a brief date with another chat for the weekend (another sailor ffs - will have to call him Mr Skipper).

@Bestlife18 I admit, this seems like such a shift in his character I'm struggling to believe it's the same person. On paper all the signs are that he's calling it a day without saying the words, so I want to give up and move on, but what if he is genuine and not messing me about, and comes back when he's feeling more himself? But I'm also concerned that if I was feeling the way he says he is, I'd want support from those close to me, whereas he's done the opposite by pushing me away. So bloody hard isn't it!

Yep, sadly agree. It’s a classic pattern and now the withdraw, but will probably give you breadcrumbs to just keep you dangling

It’s almost worse if he is genuine as he’ll do it again and again. I know I don’t cope well when people I am close to do the pulling away thing (even in friendships). I’d get out before you get even more emotionally invested.

Hi ladies, any advice?

Been chatting (?) to this guy. He is fit. But communication is just not there.

He is responsive and all, but it's just one to three sentences. When I compare it to that one bloke I really liked who was fun and decent (not as good looking) but I felt so comfortable with him because he made so much effort.

This guy asked me what I got him for Father's Day. I didn't respond yet but was I supposed to get him something knowing him for 2 weeks? Who am I, St Nicholas? 😅

Yes, I fancy him because he is fit, I admit it. But the rest makes me feel like it's just extra work on top of my stressful schedule.

Tbh, I just don't see myself with him no matter how fit he is. I need a decent guy who is articulate. Maybe this guy doesn't mean anything bad, maybe he just doesn't have a lot to say. But it feels like a burden.

What do I do?

Tbh so glad MN is here. I think I'd lose my marbles if I could only talk to men 24/7. Some men are so much work.

I need female friendships otherwise I'd go mad. I can't imagine having a partner and talking to him about everything. Some things only women understand.

@cassiatwenty wtaf would you get him something for Father's Day? I mean am I missing something here. He must surely be joking but it's not funny. Block and delete is what I would suggest you do.

Seriously I do wonder about some of them in terms to an apparent significant lack of brain cells.

Some updates. Got 2 irons.

One is Mr Entrepreneur, set to meet this Saturday for coffee.
Second is Mr Kemp Mark II (he looks a bit like Martin Kemp 🤣!).

Just getting to phase of swapping phone numbers with second one.

@katmunchkin this is also how my recent fling ended. Started saying he was struggling with a mystery illness and started pulling away. I just ended it as didn't believe him but it was a really tough decision and I think about it everyday!! Trust your instincts though. I did.

Blocked and deleted! Thank you @Mckittens I appreciate your support. Sometimes when you're stressed it's hard to see what's obvious to everyone else around you.