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Original poster

I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

415 replies

Greyrabbit24 · 28/04/2024 11:36

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

OP posts:
LondonFox · 28/04/2024 14:02

OP you need to check what are legal rights of husband over wife in that country.
Can he stop you from returning to UK?
Can he stop you from leaving the house?

If you were my daughter these would be my biggest concerns. If you are mad enough to go on with this plan, at leaste have an arrangement where your family knows full address before you get married and for every destination you plan to travel after that.
Also, a solid plan to bring you back if you go without contact for a full day.
You don't know the laws there, language, culture, anything. You will be 100% in mercy of your husband and his family.

Zanatdy · 28/04/2024 14:10

It won’t be recognised as legal in the U.K, even when done in the U.K. they aren’t recognised as legal marriages and most go to the registry office to legalise it. I don’t see the big concern personally, it’s just to appease his family. I’m sure OP isn’t going to be held against her will as some slave because she has a religious ceremony. As long as she trusts her husband to be then I’d have no concerns. I personally wouldn’t do it, my ex was a Muslim, we have 2 children together but I was never interested in converting to Islam.

WantToMakeWorldSilkySmooth · 28/04/2024 14:11

Zanatdy · 28/04/2024 14:10

It won’t be recognised as legal in the U.K, even when done in the U.K. they aren’t recognised as legal marriages and most go to the registry office to legalise it. I don’t see the big concern personally, it’s just to appease his family. I’m sure OP isn’t going to be held against her will as some slave because she has a religious ceremony. As long as she trusts her husband to be then I’d have no concerns. I personally wouldn’t do it, my ex was a Muslim, we have 2 children together but I was never interested in converting to Islam.

It is recognised if done in country where that is recognised way to marry.
Of course

bombastix · 28/04/2024 14:14

Well... chances are it will not be recognized in the U.K. for legal purposes, immigration, tax, child support etc. So what's in it for you?

duckduckgo13 · 28/04/2024 14:14

SleepQuest33 · 28/04/2024 13:30

Tell your so called not religious fiancé that you are NOT prepared to be part of a sham Islamic ceremony and if he doesn’t like it or is willing to defend your decision against his family then the relationship is over!

what the actual hell is wrong with women! Is it desperation??? Have some self respect.

The Nikkah is not a sham. It is the Islamic marriage. Same way that a Hindu marriage ceremony is not a sham. That’s the reason why posters are worried. Because Nikkah is recognised as legally binding in many countries, and if you’re legally married in another country you’re considered married in the U.K.

WantToMakeWorldSilkySmooth · 28/04/2024 14:16

duckduckgo13 · 28/04/2024 14:14

The Nikkah is not a sham. It is the Islamic marriage. Same way that a Hindu marriage ceremony is not a sham. That’s the reason why posters are worried. Because Nikkah is recognised as legally binding in many countries, and if you’re legally married in another country you’re considered married in the U.K.

Show quote history

I think pp meant this particular nikkah with "doing it just for parents" and without her parents is a sham? Which is not wrong

duckduckgo13 · 28/04/2024 14:16

Zanatdy · 28/04/2024 14:10

It won’t be recognised as legal in the U.K, even when done in the U.K. they aren’t recognised as legal marriages and most go to the registry office to legalise it. I don’t see the big concern personally, it’s just to appease his family. I’m sure OP isn’t going to be held against her will as some slave because she has a religious ceremony. As long as she trusts her husband to be then I’d have no concerns. I personally wouldn’t do it, my ex was a Muslim, we have 2 children together but I was never interested in converting to Islam.

This isn’t true. If you have a Nikkah in a country where that is a legal marriage then you’re also legally married in the U.K.

Flivequacle · 28/04/2024 14:18

"Can he stop you from returning to UK?
Can he stop you from leaving the house?

If you were my daughter these would be my biggest concerns."

Would it? That would be way down my list of concerns. My biggest concern would be that the two of them had not seriously thought through the longterm implications of marrying with (possibly) different nationalities, religions, cultural and backgrounds. Because it can cause issues in a marriage, so I would want to know that they were being open and honest with each other and considering the future.

Not that he's aiming to kidnap her. That seems very unlikely!

WeeOrcadian · 28/04/2024 14:20

I don't understand how they can be ok with you sharing a bed before Nikha, but want you to have Nikha before you can share a bed - your posts don't add up

LeavesOnTrees · 28/04/2024 14:22

I agree going through with a ceremony where one of you is not from that religion and the other isn't practising it makes it a sham.
Why can't your fiance be honest with his family? I get cultural pressures can be very strong, but if you start like this where does it end?
Will they insist on any children being brought up according to their beliefs ? What about circumcision if you have a boy etc

(I ask this as I had a Muslim friend who was engaged to a European man of Portuguese descent and they ended up splitting because the differences were too much, the trigger was him insisting they had pork at their wedding).

Theoldbird · 28/04/2024 14:25

Greyrabbit24 · 28/04/2024 12:10

We will be having a legal UK marriage later this year. This nikah ceremony is basically to please his family- they are religious and want my fiance and myself to be Islamically married before living and sleeping together ( he is hiding that we currently live together here in the UK). I am aware that the nikah bares no legal value

Be very very wary of marrying this man in any way shape or form. He has no backbone and is lying to his family about how he's living his life. Men like this always revert to their upbringings, almost without fail. He will become more and more traditional over time, especially when/if you have children. Note, he will become traditional, not necessarily religious. You only have to look the threads on here from women who've married similar men.

Theoldbird · 28/04/2024 14:27

Theoldbird · 28/04/2024 14:25

Be very very wary of marrying this man in any way shape or form. He has no backbone and is lying to his family about how he's living his life. Men like this always revert to their upbringings, almost without fail. He will become more and more traditional over time, especially when/if you have children. Note, he will become traditional, not necessarily religious. You only have to look the threads on here from women who've married similar men.

Show quote history

I am from similar background to your fiance. I don't know a single woman who hasn't regretted it unless she converted to islam for her own reasons.

PussInBin20 · 28/04/2024 14:31

Are you mad? Read some of the threads on here where the wonderful non religious fiancé suddenly becomes so and everything is then about his family and any children you have. And once you have them there, you are stuck there for 18 years.

You are only young, don’t do it. Recipe for disaster.

Blackcats7 · 28/04/2024 14:31

Even if your fiance is not religious as you say, he is clearly up for doing religious things to please his family. Could this have further effects on your life after this ceremony? What if you have children and take them to visit his family and you or they can’t leave? What are the laws and customary behaviour towards women/wives in this country? What if you later split up and he takes the children to live with his family? Will his family put pressure on him to behave in a different way to you than you might expect once you are married?
I think you need to think through all possibilities and discuss with your own family and possibly take legal advice before you take any such step.

Pinkbonbon · 28/04/2024 14:36

Best advice I heard was "never marry someone you wouldn't want to divorce". So for example, if he speaks horribly of other people or, is spiteful or has any indication of a temper or can't compromise etc... basically, if there's indication that it would be a difficult divorce even before the marriage, do not marry him.

Just thought that might be something to consider op. Or for anyone thinking of marriage really.

DrJoanAllenby · 28/04/2024 14:39

'My fiance is not religious at all '

Do not kid yourself! It's Islam, he will suddenly become devout once you're his wife.

penjil · 28/04/2024 14:42

Why are you marrying into his religion if he's not religious himself?

Why can't you have a secular wedding, or a Church one?

WallaceinAnderland · 28/04/2024 14:43

If it's cultural to lie, I would wonder what he else he has lied to his parents about me. Has he told them I will convert? Has he told them I have agreed that children will be raised in their faith?

I would also worry what lies he has told me about his family. Would I be marrying his mother as well as him? Would I be expected to do what his parents wanted because he can't say no to them?

I would not trust him because if lying is cultural, he is obviously not to be trusted!

Theoldbird · 28/04/2024 14:44

DrJoanAllenby · 28/04/2024 14:39

'My fiance is not religious at all '

Do not kid yourself! It's Islam, he will suddenly become devout once you're his wife.

Agree, and I'm Muslim myself.

LanaL · 28/04/2024 14:45

Why has everyone jumped on this post with concern and a million questions ?? Someone asking why she isn’t getting married legally beforehand as it only costs £100 ?! Maybe she wants a proper wedding ?!

You know nothing about OPs relationship - she has said nothing about being coerced or anything that indicates she’s in danger ! She’s simply asking about the ceremony - what it’s like ?!

Honestly it seems like everyone’s just assumed she’s being dragged abroad by a stranger .

Unicornpoopsykins · 28/04/2024 14:45

So according to your other threads he fancies another woman: does she happen to be from his country by any chance.

Open your eyes OP. You're a passport bride.

penjil · 28/04/2024 14:46

duckduckgo13 · 28/04/2024 14:14

The Nikkah is not a sham. It is the Islamic marriage. Same way that a Hindu marriage ceremony is not a sham. That’s the reason why posters are worried. Because Nikkah is recognised as legally binding in many countries, and if you’re legally married in another country you’re considered married in the U.K.

Show quote history

Not true.

It depends on the country, the marriage the regulations and how the UK legislation views it.

I could have a marriage to a tribesman in a remote Amazon village, but unless these tribal marriages are recognised by Brazilian law, they won't be recognised here in the UK either.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 28/04/2024 14:51

Brightandbubly · 28/04/2024 12:05

Not recognised in uk law , also probably unusual you have their blessing to share a bed the day before you get married?
what is the reason you having the ceremony?

It's in the opening post ("My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family")

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2024 14:52

My immediate concern would be having no rights in that country to the extent of not being able to return to the UK. My longer term concerns would be about cultural compatibility, particularly if children enter the picture, including whether they could be abducted to another country and not returned if it all went pear shaped.

I have drummed this into my children, when considering a partner - religion and culture aside, consider nationality etc. If they are not from your country, you have kids and then they want to go back ‘home’ it ends up in a shitshow. Only go forward in such circumstance if you would genuinely be happy to go spend the rest of your life in their home country if it ever came to that, if not pull the plug, if so crack on😁.

DisorganisedMummyTurningOrgnaised · 28/04/2024 14:53

OP find out about haq mahr. This works a little like an engagement ring in western society (bearing in mind engagements aren’t really a thing in many muslim countries) in that it’s what’s owed to YOU. It is either legally enforceable or taken into consideration in the event of a divorce. You must decide a monetary value that your fiancé will pay to YOU if you guys get married. I’m not a lawyer but I’ve always been told it’s legally binding so don’t get lost in your emotions and put £1M down!