I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

Also how are you having Nikkah with no family from your side there?

I’d have to be 100% sure that my current fiance doesn’t change from not being religious now to changing his stance on this once he’s married to you. I’ve heard of a few Muslim men who do this, not all, but a few. In fact I was warned off a Persian man a few years ago for this reason by a British Iraqi friend of mine.

Only yesterday I was speaking to a friend in her shop about her NDN from Bangladesh, trapped in a marriage where her MIL and BIL abuse her (physically too), she’s petrified to do anything, her DH may help her but he may side with his family as is often the case.

If I were British (or any other nationality) I’d personally want a translator at any marriage abroad of any religion/culture/nationality where I didn’t speak or fully understand the language.

No way would I let my fiance or his relatives translate for me.

As others have said, check the legal status of this. In a UK marriage ceremony, (or paperwork before) one question is - have you ever been married before, either here or abroad.

How old are you, OP? You come across very young. Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Have you really thought about this?

His family clearly have strong expectations that the two of you live an Islamically acceptable lifestyle. It doesn't sound like this is what you want. It reads to me that you are from the UK, do not have a religious background and do not intend to convert to Islam.

If his family's desires and expectations are not something that your fiancé expects you to adhere to, then why is it important to have the ceremony? The family are either influential or they're not.

Do you thoroughly understand all the potential legal implications of this ceremony and whether it will be legally binding in any sense, in any country?

This would be ringing all kinds of alarm bells to me.

What does your family think of this, OP?

What about the beautiful woman that your boyfriend likes to spend a lot of time with? Do you seriously think that will stop once you have been through this ceremony?

Afaik in my native country, if you don't speak local language you need court certified translator. My friend had one and they found it bit funny in that situation

OP post this on the Muslim Mumsnet board

No no no no no. Get married here first in eg a civil ceremony first.

A friend of mine is getting married this autumn in a civil ceremony at a registry office here, then a Muslim/christian ceremony abroad next year depending, I think she’ll get a Christian blessing done in church where. She’s Christian Indian and he’s Iranian (Muslim but doesn’t really practice). As both of them are really migrants (all legal) to England and not born here and his DM has been very difficult re their relationship, she decided to do this with him to safeguard herself and he agreed.

No I wouldn’t. It’s not even your finance that wants it it’s just for his family.
I would have the wedding in the country I live in first and invite his family for that.

Nikah is a lovely ceremony, have you had a few practise sessions yet so you know what to do and when? Have you chosen your mahr yet?

Are you sure he's not religious? Could this be a trap? Keep your passport on you at all times.

I did this. But it was in a European country so had absolutely no legal ramifications but it does in other countries. Be very careful OP, which country will you be signing in? Does it operate Sharia law?

Depends very much on the country. Muslim cultures and even religious practice, are as diverse as Christian ones. If you were going to South Africa, I'd say, no worries. Depending on the country, I'd advise huge caution and say you are probably very naive.

This has so many red flags I'd want full disclosure about his family's set up and beliefs, his beliefs and particularly his finances. I'd also want legal advice in relation to my own social, marital, nationality and financial statuses with my finances safeguarded.

If your boyfriend objects to any of the above, run very very fast.

In the meantime ensure you are taking ultra reliable contraceptionover which you have complete control.

If all of the above is satisfied you meet his family. He stays there, you stay at an hotel. If they seem decent and sow no doubt, come home and have a civil marriage in the UK. After that you can have a religious blessing here or there.

Never forget a man gives you no favour because you marry him. You afford him the privilege of being legally tied to you.

What would happen if he decides not to return to UK? Can you travel back without him?

This is good advice. Marry legally in the UK before you go then have the ceremony over there after. You won't know a word of what you are agreeing too as it will all be in Arabic. Don't have DC until you have a legal wedding.

www.hrw.org/report/2023/07/18/trapped/how-male-guardianship-policies-restrict-womens-travel-and-mobility-middle

Please tell me it's none of these countries OP.

And I did sign one but it was in Europe.

Is this really what you want? I have just been reading your other thread.

If he's not religious he doesn't need an Islamic wedding.

He's a grown ass man who lives on a different continent from his parents, there's no need for "pleasing" them.

You should refuse this.

Not what I said and you know it.

I met a woman on an evening college cooking course who was married to a man who had 2 other wives. They all came here from Saudi Arabia together. Each wife had many DC. One of the other wives was his legal wife and the lady on the cooking course and another woman counted as his legal dependents. They all lived in one house together. Be careful OP that your fiancé does not want to do this type of thing.

What could possibly go wrong?