I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

Oh come on Op!

Getting married in a foreign country so that you can sleep together at his parent's house??

He doesn't want it so why is it happening?

You are getting married for his parents?

Lots of people are 'not that religious' when they want to do things that religion forbids.

Don’t do it!

Don’t ruin your life and throw away your freedom.

OP would get less opprobrium if she were posting about marrying a man in prison for murder

I don't see why the onus is on you to cover your hair when you are not a Muslim woman, then to go through with a religious ceremony when neither of you are religious, just to appease.

This all sounds extraordinarily controlling and the culture around Islam isn't favourable towards women at the best of times.

If they can't respect your customs (you're lying about living together) then why should you be expected to respect theirs? Because you are the woman?

You wouldn't catch me agreeing to any of this for all the tea in China.

Absolutely this.

If only posters and women undertook as much rigorous due diligence and caution before marrying / moving in with their white non Moslem partners

@Greyrabbit24

ensure you have a legal status marriage ceremony in UK too,
as a back up,
as just having a religious faith wedding ceremony like this in your husband's country

leaves you wide open to potentially coercion and being exploited domestic servitude exploitation is a real thing,

Is there any family members of yours or and friends who will attend this religious faith ceremony too as witness...

I came to say the above.
No Muslim religious family would allow a couple (their son and fiancee) to sleep together out of wedlock. Even the not very religious Arabs … they might turn a blind eye to the situation and fact that he’s cohabitating if he’s abroad like yourselves. They know that you have been sleeping together. And non religious Arabs will still not allow cohabitation because of social pressures and norms. It is not acceptable to do so regardless of religion.

I don’t understand the hysteria on here. The guy might be lovely but people jump to stereotyping straight away. Having said that, only you and people who have met him can judge the situation.
Has he met your family? Friends?

Are you sure you want to be in another country with an entirely different attitude to the rights of women, in the home of a conservative tradional family, with a partner who isn't strong enough to tell them the truth about his own lifestyle, never mind defend your rights and interests? To be told how you must dress and behave, and to have to participate in a ceremony that you don't understand the implications of, and that while may be 'a little thing' to you, is likely to be highly significant to them?
If I were you OP, I'd be booking a holiday for the two of you to Spain instead, and sending him to visit his folks on his own.

What country are you getting married in?
Aw. I would do a lot more research if I were you. For example (I think) in Iran if you marry an Iranian main you gain Iranian citizenship with potential issues if you want to leave the country a take any children with you. I'm not up on specifics nand things may have changed but I wouldn't be doing this just as it's a nice thing to do for the parents.

What country ? Islamic rituals and rules vary a lot depending on this

@Greyrabbit24
Obviously highly unausaul unorthodox i think 🤔 for you to sleep in same quarters pre --marriage under your Muslim fiancé family too..

quite susprised about that too..

Rubbish

Red flags are red flags regardless of race, some are just more discernible at an earlier stage, eg being forced to undergo a false marriage in a foreign country.

Because OP doesn’t appear to know what the implications of this wedding are.

She may be unwittingly getting legally married in another country which could impact the following-
whether she is married in the uk, and whether she could marry here later if she’s already married elsewhere.
whether by the law of the country she marries in, she could be subject to her husband’s authority- unable to return home, expected to live with his family.

This isn’t scaremongering. It’s perfectly possible that this would be the case.

Do you have family OP, apart from your father?

Have they met your fiance?

Have you met any of his family?

How long have you been together?

Are you ever going to engage with posters on your thread?

Unless you are a practicing Jew or Christian the Imaam will expect you to convert before you get married otherwise he cannot Islamically marry you. I would think about this too before getting married.

Why have you made this about race?

It's not about race.

If the OP said "my Jamaican fiancé wants us to go to Jamaica to get married" or "my Thai fiancé wants us to go to thailand to get married" nobody would bat an eyelid.

Why would either of them have a christian wedding?

I will be honest with you, as a practising muslim, it is better you don't have the nikah. it's kind of quite disrespectful to take part in it if you don't believe in it because it is not just a ceremony. you have to actually say prayers of great spiritual significance including the declaration of faith (I.e. you will declare your faith in God and His Prophets and Islam as your chosen faith) as intrinsic parts of the wedding vows. your fiancé is not Muslim and neither are you (which is absolutely fine). but I think it is deeply offensive to co-opt something sacred just for show.

also in all Muslim countries nikahs are legally recognised. that means your husband will have rights over your children and many Muslim countries (especially arab ones) pick and choose which laws they implement and conveniently forget to implement the islamic laws which give rights to women. if your marriage doesn't work out, he could very well take your children there and you will be able to do precisely nothing.

Don't be put off by the Daily Mail readers on this post who seem to equate the nikah with being forced to join ISIS. There are a lot of ignorant people on mumsnet. Enjoy the ceremony and have a wonderful time travelling.

Hardly a surprise, a significant number of MNers are gleeful about their racism.

That is the most ignorant comment on here yet.

Islam is a religion not a race.