I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

I’d be really concerned that I lost autonomy in undertaking this ceremony.

You could find yourself entirely dependent on and subject to your partner, unable to leave the country and return home.

I can’t understand why you’d consider undertaking something so serious, without full understanding of the implications and at least a grasp of the language.

Where are your family in all of this? Your family are just as important as his.

Are you going to come back to this thread as past 2 threads you didn't engage much?

Wow. That's so racist. What makes you think Muslim Mumsnetters can't offer a balanced perspective? All Muslims only talk about Sharia law - what did you pour on your Weetabix this morning.
Outrageous.

My advice would be: don't.

How much do you know about what nikah is?

I’m not an expert but this is what I know:

First of all, it’s not recognised as marriage in the UK if it’s performed in the UK.

But you won’t be in the UK when you do it and the legal implications may be serious.

If nikah is legally binding in the country you are going to, then upon registering the nikah in the UK you will be legally married with all the implications. Afaik your boyfriend doesn’t need your consent to register it. So, do you want to be married to him?

How do you even know you’ll be able to go back to the UK? In some countries the wife becomes property.

Have you told your family at least?

Your sentence about not wanting to lose yourself while trying to please your boyfriend says a lot. If I were you, I wouldn’t do it.

This
A PP said to get married here first - no! That's even worse.

Just don't go. Sit down and have a calm, dispassionate review of what's going on here. Don't go to a country where you'd have no rights or be the property of a man.

It carries no legal weight only if performed in the UK.

If nikah is performed in a country where it is legally binding, then upon registering it on return, the couple are legally married in the UK.

Nice try @Moonshine5. The poster was just saying that the muslim mumsnetters are unlikely to be impartial and will look at it with a bias. Nothing racist about that (and of course Muslim isn't a race).

The nikah does hold legal weight if you marry in a country where it is a recognised legal marriage. The nikah is only 'invalid' if you do it in the UK as shariah marriage is not legally recognised here. You should do a nikah in the UK before you go out there, his family will view you as married but you won't be legally here until you decide to be.
I had a nikah in an Islamic country and it was very informal, one witness, I wore a regular long dress and didn't cover my hair.

Don’t be surprised if he changes his mind about getting legally married in the UK after the religious ceremony, and then putting you under pressure to start a family without the protection of a legal UK marriage for you and your future children. I’ve seen it happen to others. Then eventually he walks away easily because he’s not actually married.

Do you know which country she is going to? Why are you assuming she would have no rights or be the property of a man? You know the Arab world isn't a monolith right? And plenty of women travel to Islamic countries for holidays without being kidnapped or whatever you're suggesting might happen?

The OP is not muslim and her boyfriend whilst it appears is culturally muslim is not practising this religion.

Therefore a wider range of views from people reflecting different cultural and belief values might be more appropriate than a board with only specific cultural and/or religious values.

I think OP needs to be very careful here and have full understanding of all the possibilities of the actions she is taking.

I think she needs to talk to friends and family so she can make a decision that works for her, not that keeps her boyfriend's family happy - I don't think that is a good idea in a relationship

@Greyrabbit24
Hmmmm - I’m afraid that alarm bells are ringing!

Is your fiancé on a visa or does he have a British passport? He may be planning to marry you as a path to getting his own British passport.

You say he’s an Arab. Do you realise that any children you have will be deemed as the ‘property’ of the husband in Arab countries? There are many, many cases of Anglo-Arab children being taken by their fathers to visit family in the father’s home country…..and never returned.

You urgently need to check if his home country is a signatory to the “Hague Convention” which is an agreement between countries where if a child is abducted by a parent, the Courts have to agree that the child will be returned to their usual country of residence.

Sadly, it seems that the Arab countries are NOT signatories to The Hague Convention and you may be taking a massive risk if your (then) husband decides to move back to his home country….with or without you but certainly would be intending to take your/his children and have his family raise them.

You can check (or phone - they’re in Leicester - the ‘Reunite’ charity for advice on this before you decide to have children):

www.reunite.org

Many years ago I read the book (subsequently made into a film, starring Sally Ann Fields) of the true story of an American woman who married a charming man from the Middle East (Iran).After their daughter was born, he persuaded her to have a family holiday in his home country. However, after flying to Iran he suddenly became abusive and wouldn’t let her take their daughter back to their home in the USA. She had no legal rights whatsoever and couldn’t speak the language. He intended that his extended family would raise their little girl.

The name of the book and film is ‘Not Without My Daughter’ by Betty Mahmoody which you can get on paperback from Amazon (and Kindle).

You might want to read this book (your local library might be able to get it for you?) but I wouldn’t let your fiancé know if you do get a copy.

@Northernnature
Nice try what was actually said was :
"She certainly doesn’t need sharia views shoved down her throat" unquote.
All power to you - you do you and stand up for hate speech. 😂

Don't know what your point is @Moonshine5, alot of people don't like the sound of Sharia including me, that doesn't make us "hateful" how ridiculous.

Like I said you do you.
The quote you support was incredibly racist against the Muslim community on the Mumsnet board and has quite rightly been deleted.
You carry on supporting it lol

OP you should read Betty Mahmoody's autobiographical 'Not Without my Daughter'. Her husband was also a non practising Muslim when they went to visit his family.

In 1984, when their daughter was four years old, Betty reluctantly agreed to accompany her husband on a two week vacation to Iran in order for his family to meet Mahtob. However, at the end of the two weeks, Moody decided that he, his wife and daughter would remain in Iran. Betty was trapped in Iran and could not return to the United States.

Don’t do it @Greyrabbit24

@Moonshine5

Nice try what was actually said was :
"She certainly doesn’t need sharia views shoved down her throat" unquote.
All power to you - you do you and stand up for hate speech. 😂

If it’s ok to say people don’t need Christian views shoved down their throats (plenty of this on MN), then the above is also ok.

Neither is a race.

This x 1000000000. Uk marriage first then religious ceremony. Keep hold of your passport. Do not sleep together the night before. Separate rooms.

My mother is from a country where appalling things happen

i hope you can forgive me for being alarmed.

1984 and Iran. Do you really think that's a relevant reference point for 2024? I really hope it's not Iran the OP is going to..,

@BluntPoet did you read the original post that was deleted by MN? That was openly racist. And that poster was supporting that quote. Not the sanitised version you're quoting of them, they tried to rewrite it in a "kind" version.

I would say don't do it under any circumstances. I wouldn't even go and visit, married or not. Just reading your OP was quite chilling.