I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

My friend's partner is Moroccan and they did this the first time they travelled to visit his family together because it was the easiest way to travel together in his home country without having separate rooms (it wasn't just for staying with his family, it was also frowned upon for an unmarried Moroccan man to share a room with a woman in hotels and guest houses). At the time they had been together a few years and had no intention of marrying in the UK, but they did eventually tie the knot here during covid. It sounds like you are doing this for similar reasons, and that you plan to have a legal wedding in the UK too so I am sure you will be absolutely fine.

You should consider if you really want to marry a man who would go to such lengths to appease his family. Your life will be one long family negotiation / power battle.

Why would you settle for this?

Agree Christians do not have Sharia law where people who steal have their hands chopped off In Sharia law if a woman is unfaithful she can be stoned to death in public .How can people agree with Sharia law is beyond me

Is op expected to cover up fully just for the wedding or fir all of the holiday.What happens when the in-laws visit them in the Uk .Will op be expected to cover up in front if them ?Will children be expected to convert ?

FUCKS SAKE

we all make compromises this only bothers you because they are muslim

circumcision is a sunnah aka not compulsory and can be done at any age

shaving the head is a beautiful tradition and again a sunnah for boys only

im sorry but all people who aren’t that fussed about their faith but come from a strong faith background often fib for an easy life. It’s the same for kids of any background from strict parents. He isn’t showing her she is secondary to his family but rather for an easy life let’s just do xyz, or else it’s tension for the sake of tension.

honeslty this fuss is JUST because he is Muslim

@Greyrabbit24 I am married with a Muslim but we did not get married religiously just had a civil wedding in uk where the witness were male and Muslim and had it recognised by his embassy. However I have friends that did Nikah first just for their families to be ok with them living together and dating. As you know holds no legal value here but it will in his country. It will be good to know which country he is from as every country is different. Also I think you will need to have a male representative from your side as well otherwise will not be Islamic valid. But he will explain that. Regards to the outfits depends to the country, during the nikhah I guess will be good to cover your hair but not on any other every day event. Where my husband is from the dress code is as open as the west.
Also is good to set expectations for example maybe his family wishes you eventually convert or your kids are raised as Muslim. What about circumsition. Anyway if you are willing to pretend as I guess your husband to be does in front of the parents when visiting is fine. Just saying is good you and your husband to be on the same page.

Why do you care?

@JoBoJoBo not all counties where the majority are Muslim have shariah law and not all Muslim are the same . Similarly like a Christian catholic living in Italy is different with a Christian Mennonite living in USA or Christian orthodox living in Egypt. Similarly a Christian orthodox in Egypt religion and lifestyle is really different with a Christian in Greece. So please do not generalise. Truth is without knowing which country and family background her husband is we cannot judge

Well from my lived experience, I disagree.

AND I would say this about any many who had any kind of religious, or otherwise none compatible family beliefs to my own lifestyle and values.

I would expect a partner or husband to advocate for ME, if we truely shared the same outlook. Not use me as a pawn to keep face with his family. He is a coward. HE needs tells his family NO, and if they are normal enough to respect his choices fantastic. If not he goes NC because they don’t respect his choices and him or the OP.

Firstly sharia means law so sharia law is just saying law twice.

secondly hudud is a tiny tiny proportion of the sharia and is designed to never be used. You have to remember this came from a society with 0 infrastructure for criminality.

prior to the foundation of Saudi you could count on one hand the amount of times a hadd punishment was given out by a sharia court. So in 1300 years it had been done a handful of times. Please educate yourself

Sorry but you are batshit crazy if you go through with this.

Who says he isn’t, this is just picking your battles for an easy life.

classic MN NC at the drop of a hat. Honestly how do people function in the real world, it’s all NC and LTB at the slightest disagreement

Slightest disagreement! I wouldn’t be going through any kind of ceremony against my belief system for anyone.

I am a fan of full body autonomy, not appeasing people because “of an easier life”.

We have no idea where this young women is going, you have to be totally naive to think a white, non-Muslim woman would be safe in a very large proportion of the world. Most young Muslim women aren’t safe in their own countries for not following strict rules, look at places like Iran FGS!

Gosh OP it all sounds straight from the opening scene “ not without my daughter”, might be an old but relevant read/watch

your husband may change his view once you are married about allowing you your freedom. I would really not do this. It is not charming and romantic and just some wonderful other culture. Make sure you do your research about what your rights are there…

At least it saves packing the sunscreen.

But you don’t know if this goes against OPs core values or if she’s of the same mindset. None of us know.

but we don’t know if she’s going to iran, and tbh whilst there are some absolute atrocities that go on, please don’t think all the women or iran are subjugated victims

I am a practising muslim and i would strongly suggest you think about going ahead with the nikkah. Your fiance does not seem mature enough to even get married considering he is hiding from his parents that you are living together. He will eventually start pressuring you to change and cover etc no doubt once you are married to please his parents. Which is completely wrong islamically but unfortunately in many muslim cultures and countries how you are perceived to other matters greatly (honour etc). He will feel the pressure from his family and community no doubt and it will be completely unfair to you. Please avoid as a practicing muslim i don't think this would work out.

I personally don’t see much of it here, not blatantly anyway. If you see it then call it out. That’s what reporting posts is for. I was also told that sometimes if you look for offence to be taken anywhere then you’ll see it all the time.

Last time I looked we in the UK live in a democracy, as well as enjoying freedom of speech. We welcome everyone here. I’d like to think this is the same on MN.

But yeah, go ahead and claim Islamophobia on the eg Michaela thread when Muslims are denied the right to pray whenever and wherever they want. I mean if we’re going down that route, I may as well choose to follow satanism as a religion, set up an altar in my local high street, pray and sacrifice a chicken whilst I’m at it. Because my religion is satanism and therefore I shouldn’t be denied this right.

I’m sure if I get this past Rishi this’ll be okayed wouldn’t it? Oh wait, I’m white. And probably Christian (I’m technically atheist really). So I’ll probably be denied that right, won’t I?! Or worse called a “Karen”.

Yes white people really suffer in Great Britain. I mean, how do you cope? 🙄

theres different forms of racism, flat out racism and micro agressions and generalisations and misinformation. Just look at the im a Muslim ama threads on here.

your post is giving ‘fox news, ‘the war on Christmas’’

Not victims no 🙄🙄😡

”The Islamic Republic of Iran was built upon bricks of patriarchal misogyny. One of the first acts of the revolution’s leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, when he took power in 1979, was to reverse women’s rights in marriage, child custody and divorce. This included lowering the legal age of marriage for women from 18 to 9, and girls this young can still be married in Iran today.
Iranian women have not only been forced to veil but have been forbidden from dancing or singing solo in public, riding a bicycle, attending matches in sports arenas, becoming judges or president. They must sit at the back of the bus and can travel abroad only with their husband’s permission. Their court testimony and inheritance are deemed worth half that of men. They are among the very few women in the world whose grandmothers had more rights”

A small snippet of an Iranian woman’s rights. And I don’t believe for a second that’s not how many people think in majority Muslim countries.

If you find some “forceful” women in Iran, this is what they are fighting for, and endangering their lives for the benefit of all women, those women are warriors.

But perhaps, they should all shut up, for an easy life.

A liberal thinking, atheist, white girl, is clearly not welcome in places like this. I would not travel abroad alone for a holiday to most Muslim countries, let alone get married alone.

But seriously would you get married in a foreign country not understanding what’s being said and believing whatever your fiance or his relatives tell you?

Because all the immigration lawyers I know including a Muslim Iranian one I know, would and have advised against this.

I’m not being racist or xenophobic here I’m just speaking common sense.

But your putting the plight of the women in iran onto the OP and her circumstances when in all likelihood they’ve got nothing to do with one another.

I’m not even going to bother debating this with you because I don’t argue with ignorant, stupid and one track minds.

Go ahead and take offence wherever and whenever and with whoever you like, doesn’t bother me a bit.

Would you sign a contract in another country, in a language you don't understand, without an interpreter or legal representative?

This is exactly what I said on I think page 2.