I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

You are mistaken. Yes, a nikah ceremony in the UK is not recognised as a legal marriage.

However, the OP is getting married in a different country and so different rules apply.

She hasn't said which country they're getting married in except that it "is Arab", whatever she means by that.

If a Nikah takes place in a foreign country that either follows Sharia Law or otherwise recognises Islamic marriages for Muslim citizens, in countries including Morocco, Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and the whole of the Middle East, Pakistan, Bangladesh etc the marriage is also legal in England & Wales and there is no requirement to undergo any further registration.

Even in Gaza, Sharia Law applies and it also applies for any Muslim citizens of Israel.

It’s a traditional form of words, like what a priest would say. What do you think they are going to say in it? They ask if you want to get married, you say yes. They say a blessing. Everyone cheers. If you have stipulations (housing, education, work) you tell the shaikh and it’s announced as part of the ceremony.

and she doesn’t technically need family if she’s over the age of consent.

honestly, people showing their real colours on here. You know men other than Muslim men can be dicks too?

The worrying things here for me is that he's asked you to do something to please his family, you said yes, but then what will be the next thing he will ask you to do to please his family, and then will you say yes again?

You have to have some clarity about the future.

What will be asked of you? What will you ask of him? How important will his family be in this? What will they want for your potential children?

How far will you be willing to compromise? People get sucked in unwanted situation because they find it hard to say no. What about you? Can you say no?

I'd like @Greyrabbit24 to come back.

Have a fantastic time op, mind you don't get sunburnt.
😊

This. Apparently, there are women in the UK who have only had a Nikah and who have subsequently discovered that they have no rights when their husband has conducted an Islamic divorce. (I believe it's just a case of saying "I divorce thee" three times? Maybe someone can correct me?)

"Surely this means that she can't have a UK civil wedding as well..."

Correct, as you say, she will already be married.

"...her relations - legal, financial, child residence etc etc - with her husband will be governed by Sharia law as interpreted in the state where she got married."

It all depends where they live. If they choose to live in that other country then you are correct.

However, in her second post the OP seemed to imply that they would be returning to the UK. In that case, regardless of where you were married, if you are habitually resident in the UK then UK laws about divorce, inheritance etc will apply.

I doubt that someone undertaking a Christian wedding abroad to please their in-laws would have got anywhere near the same response.

Oh are you offering a prize to the first person the make it clear to you why a Christian wedding overseas would be treated differently than this proposed one? It's the norm to throw accusations of 'Islamaphobia' around to show your moral highground, it's the MN way of dealing with many topics.
A Christian marriage does not place a woman at such a great disadvantage, it's really very simple.

The OP is not having a Nikah in the UK but in a different country where different rules apply. Please read the OP.

If she is getting married in a country which recognises Muslim weddings as a legal marriage then that will also be recognised as a legal marriage in the UK.

Bit difficult when someone's all covered up.

I’m not Muslim and definitely critical of many aspects that this religion brings with it, and I stand by what I wrote about this thread. A lot of the responses are steeped in prejudice and the OP hopefully seeks support in the Muslim section of this site.

Have you posted about this before, more the fact your fiancé’s family don’t know you live together and any hypothetical children won’t be Muslim but would perform religious ceremonies to trick his parents into thinking they were?

Ensure your safety is a priority at all times. Do not even trust your fiancé will have your back if you need to leave.

Passport with you at all times. Contacts for taxis/routes to airport, money to finance a flight back - should all be sorted by you before you go, without him knowing.

I’m Muslim btw and I wouldn’t do this. But a nikkah holds weight with me so I’d want a legally recognised English ceremony before flying off elsewhere for a nikkah. As long as you are able to return home if need be then you’re fine.

OP if you already live together what is the point of this ceremony? To dupe his family? It feels off to me and I would not do it.

Will his family not acknowledge your UK wedding ceremony? Will they think you are still not married after it? Are they coming to the UK ceremony? Could you have the nikkah in the UK a day before or after your UK wedding.

Regardless of the fiance's religion and nationality it would be naive in the extreme to marry a foreign national in his country without having thoroughly researched the legal implications both in his country and in the UK. It may sound all very romantic but women's rights are very poorly protected in so many countries.

In addition the OP's previous post suggests she may not fully trust her fiancé.

OP - Please think very carefully before you go ahead.

It's not a real marriage, it can be ended verbally

I thought this too. So please check OP because this would count as recognised by UK law.

Where did he say he's a muslim?

Also practice homosexuality wtf 😅

If it's done in the UK then yes it's not recognised and you need to do the civil ceremony for UK recognition.

If it done in a Muslim country that recognises it. You can then use that to evidence your marriage both in those muslim countries which recognise shariah but also UK laws as a valid marriage abroad. There is a process which I don't know but this is my understanding of it all

Wasn't there a film about this? "Not without my daughter"?

If the marriage is legal there- would you be allowed out?

The Op is not coming back but I hope she reads a lot of the responses.

• This will be the first of many “compromises” you have to make to appease his family
• most of those compromises wont be in keeping with a lot of your own beliefs and cultural norms, many may go against them
• what about your children? How far will you go to appease his family when your own children are involved?
• will you circumcise your children?
• ask them to lie and say they are Muslim if his family ask?
• shave their heads after birth?
• if he was any kind of man he would not be asking you to do this, and would be telling his family no
• he is showing you, that you are secondary to his family, a family he doesn’t share a religion with anymore but is putting you through this to keep face. Like a coward. Expect him to do more cowardly things.
• I would be suspicious about the “letting you share a bed” before the ceremony, it will either not happen and you will feel immense pressure not to, or it will and it will be used against you in the future
• all the legal advice you have been given listen to it

DO NOT DO THIS.

but did your husband ask you to lie to his family and was he lying to them about how you were living in the UK?

Well, good luck in all things really. Hope it works out for you

OP, I wouldn't be as concerned by your decision if your fiance was a practicing Muslim, and you were aware of all the ins and outs and were prepared to adapt to the religious and the culture. The fact that you are not, and are gambling your future on your fiance being "not religious at all" is worrysome. Two of my longest relationships (not marriage) have been with Arab Muslims who were living in western countries and "not religious at all", until they were. Please be careful.

Obviously yes, they are a ‘religious family’ as are mine so we both lied because it’s easier than dealing with the pearl clutching and false sense of outrage.

sorry but it’s really common of kids with religious parents, it’s not insidious