Terminally ill partner.

[Leebar]

My partner is terminally ill. He has cancelled his divorce proceedings and arranged for his wife to receive part of his pension when he dies. I am living with him and look after him. He say he wants to stay with me and not his wife. I feel very hurt about the non divorce and pension agreement. Am I being fare?

Does he have dependent children?

No his children are grown up and have moved on.

It depends!

How long was the marriage? Is she supporting children of that marriage? Would she have got a fair chunk of the pension in a divorce? If he doesn’t do this, it’s the pension liable to just disappear and the pension company take the benefit?

How stressful would a divorce be right now?

Are you taking a financial hit due to you caring for him? Is he doing anything to support you?

How long have you been together?

Would you need part of his pension?

How long have you been together?

Has he made a will?

I can see he may not have time to get the divorce done, and his wife would likely have got some of his pension in the divorce.

If I were you I'd be wondering what was happening to the rest of the estate.

It's nice he is thinking of being fair to his ex but if he didn't try to be fair to you as well I think I'd be pretty miffed.

How long have you been living with him and financially dependent on him?
Sorry for your situation.

And are your finances joined together, i.e. do you own property together etc.?

I think your partner is doing the decent thing here. If he was getting divorced, his wife would be entitled to some of his pension. He's doing the right thing by his wife before he dies.
I'm not sure why this hurts you? Maybe you can explain.

He is leaving his estate to his two grown up children only

So he's happy for you to be his nurse? How long have you been together?

It really depends on a number of things:
Has he got dependent children?
How many years he was with his wife and how long has he been with you?
Your ages?
Is he leaving you anything?

I think there needs a to be a serious discussion. I think I would leave.

Does his estate include your home, who owns it?

This really. I think he's right to be fair to his wife but also needs to be fair to you. From your update it suggests not.

The marriage lasted about 25 years ish! The non divorce is not a major issue with me just the pension arrangement does not seem fare. Unfortunately I am not his civil partner and therefore not entitled to anything financially which I understand it’s just the arrangement re pension I feel hurt about. She is finally stable also.

Are we talking about a final salary pension?
If so, be aware that in most schemes the trustees have discretion over who to pay to. They often will refuse to pay to new spouses / partners (even if nominated), especially younger ones.
Given the pension was likely built up over the course of the 25 year marriage, and potentially relied on by the wife for her own pension provision to some extent, it doesn't sound especially unreasonable. (unless there are some more factors you haven't yet mentioned?).

It would have been helpful to receive part of his pension but I have legally no entitlement.

How long have you been together?

Can he explain why he's leaving it to his ex, particularly as the children don't live at home?

Maybe it was due to his ex-wife's support (e.g. she stopped working for a time, worked part-time etc.t and this impacted on her pension contribution?)

His wife is financially stable , if she wasn’t then it would be a different matter altogether. Perhaps I am overthinking things. I think I just have to let this go as my partner is quite ill therefore I don’t want to make life anymore difficult than it already is.

I am not surprised you are hurt- I would’ve too. It’s not about the money but it does seem very thoughtless.

I suspect he wants to give her the share of his pension built up over the marriage it would be hard to give to you and morally I can see why

I think you need an honest conversation with him about what he sees happening.

Are you supposed to provide free care up to the end of his life and then be turned out with nothing? Whose home is it that you live in? What will happen once he has gone? How long have you been together? Is he making any provision at all for you, or is he simply expecting you to do all the caring with no recompense at all.

It sounds like you are in his home, and presumably a reasonably newish partner if he's not yet got divorced, but I may be wrong. It doesn't sound like you are entitled to anything from him, but if that is the case I think he needs to think about how fair it is expecting the burden of all his care to fall upon you whilst leaving his pension to his wife and his estate to his children.

It would cost him a lot to have carers in.