Would you date someone (male) from the MET police?

[Givemeonegoodreason]

Interested to know, would it be a non starter? I'm female and happy (lucky) to be single but might change it one day!

No, I wouldn't.

I don't think it's fair to tar everyone with the same brush but as pp have said, you're taking a risk with your safety. Because if he does turn out to be abusive or violent, his mates are in a great position to cover up for him.

And even if he wasn't an abuser himself, I would be horrified if he minimised or excused his mates' abuse of their partners. I'd want him to be on a crusade of justice for women and that is probably a bit much to ask!

My dad and uncle were in the police in a big city during the 80s. Both quick to anger, could be cocky, racist and slapped us kids into next week (it was the 80s but they were harsh).There were not violent towards their wives as far as I knew. I no longer have a relationship with my dad. I have had two encounters with the Police, as a civilian, and they were very traumatic, so no I wouldn't date one and I'd even think twice about calling them again.

Can I just put out there for anyone who is in a relationship with or dating a police officer and has experienced domestic abuse, not to be scared off reporting the abuse as a result of some of these posts.

All police forces now have their own internal process for tackling allegations of domestic abuse by police officers or staff. If you make a report to 999 or 101 and explain the abuser is a police officer/staff member it will be handled differently and most definitely not by that officer's team colleagues.

Please do not let misinformation prevent you from seeking help or letting a perpetrator get away with it. Abusers need to be exposed and removed.

My parent was in the Police, I would never ever date a copper.

A friends daughter has moved back to the area her MET husband has transferred. Not only is he a bone idle bugger when off duty he's also obnoxious with her family, their new neighbours and her old friends.

The house is a new build so lots of jobs inside and out to get done. Her father has done them all . Her mother has had to reduce her hours at work to care for the children. If he's not working he's in bed or out with mates.

I can't see the marriage lasting he hates being in a hick police force. He's so arrogant.

Thanks, interesting and based on this I probably wouldn't. It doesn't mean I don't have respect for the extremely challenging job or tarring all with the same brush. The risk just seems to outweigh and the time factor too. As one poster eloquently said, its harder perhaps to get help if something does happen in relation to DV too.

Also interesting someone felt this thread was "police bashing" and said about joining. I had a career change about 5 or so years ago during which I tried for the Police (not the Met). I love sport and thought perhaps I would find an avenue there.
They asked about difficult scenarios you have experienced and how you have dealt with it. I decided with one, to talk about my experience of being sexually harassed by my manager, as I thought if they can't cope with that then no point being there.

For the final one I got interviewed by three female policewoman. It felt very patronising. One of them started talking to me about puppies.

Needless to say I flew through the fitness test! I didn't get in but they don't tell you why and I didn't try again. To be fair my maths wasn't great either and I was a bit shaky on some of the questions they asked me. I didn't feel like the type of person they were looking for!

Thank you, the trauma made me funny, if nothing else.

I would never date a male secondary school teacher. I mean, why else would they chose that career other than to be around teenage girls they can groom and sleep with? No way. All male secondary teachers are borderline paedophiles.

Makes about as much sense, doesn’t it?

That would make sense if more than 1000 male secondary teachers were currently under investigation for grooming and abusing students. As far as I know, that is not the case.

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/dec/23/more-than-1100-officers-under-investigation-for-sexual-or-domestic-abuse-in-england-and-wales

Well said! Not sure why there's a disproportionate amount of police haters here!

I'm dating a MET (male) PC, he is the kindest and the most loyal person I've met. I can really depend on him. We met OLD. I think its hard to lump everyone together. I've met some amazing PC's and I think we forget they are humans to.

You personal would have to think if you could fit into their schedule as it can be quite hectic and not be able to talk for hours. They are hard working people trying to do their best. Its only a small minority that ruin the view of the whole force.

With long experience of military, then (if I were ever looking again) I'd be very wary with any career with unpredictable hours, periods where uncontactable and potential for cancelled leave or no-notice redeployment to another location. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

I'd be looking for someone with more predictability (wouldn't mind long hours or odd times, as long as there was a schedule).

I'd be more likely to date a copper than an abattoir worker or a butcher!

Police who I've know personally have been based in market towns - I don't know enough about the force to know if there are big workplace culture differences between the big cities and smaller places. And they've been perfectly normal (as far as a friend can tell)

Wayne Couzens, Cliff Mitchell, David Carrick, Deniz Jaffer, Jamie Lewis, Kane Haywood…

Yes I would

No never.

I would also avoid

Bailiffs
Bouncers
Traffic wardens
Ticket inspectors
Security guards

No. I've never had a good experience with the Police (as a CSA & DV survivor)
I imagine there are some good people who work there. They will either leave or compromise their values eventually: the whole system is corrupt (& corrupting)

I am not in any way a 'Police hater'. I know we need a trustworthy Police force.
But my lived experience is that we do not have one. If I am in need, as a last resort, I would interact with them. But would I invite them into my life - NO.

That’s good info for people to know.

There was a member of a facebook group I’m in who posted anonymously asking for help.

She was being harassed by her ex who is a policeman (and had beeb abusive during their relationship). She’d kept a meticulous record and reported every incident. She was treated disgustingly by the police who she dealt with asking for help and it was suggested that she was lying and also made clear she was viewed as a hostile party out to get their mate / colleague. It was suggested she contact another force also (IIRC) and she experienced similar.

He was still harassing and stalking her and she was scared and felt utterly powerless. The treatment by the police was an additional traumatic experience. I’ve heard repeated stories like this.

Surely the man is more important than his job. You can't tar all men in the MET with the same brush. Give him a chance- see where it goes and be ready to read the signs.

Nope, mine never went down that road, was as gentle as they come.

He did, however, leave me for someone 16 years his junior who worked for him. And that is rife.

Never.

I wouldn't date a cop.

OMG, that was a terrible date. I'm glad you ended it straight away and it was your only date with that guy.

I was once on a date with a police officer, I met him online. I was way younger and I wasn't really paying attention to all the red flags. Anyway, what really stuck with me, was that at one point during our date he told me he's a serial killer as a joke. I laughed it off and started to ask more questions about it. He didn't tell me anything more, but started questioning me if I'm afraid of him now. Eventually he changed the subject and we ended our date when I politely declined to go to his flat in that evening.

Even to this day, I'm not sure if he for real was working as a police officer, because I never saw his police ID and everyone can say anything from an online dating site. I'm happy he never contacted me after that, because at that time I was totally naive and I'm sure I would have gone to the second date. He was young and handsome to be honest.

I still question what's wrong with some men and why would anyone make this kind of joke? Although who knows, maybe he for real was a serial killer or wanted to become one and I was in real danger on that date.

My p has an acquaintance who was in it briefly; he shared stories of going to brothels etc with his colleagues.

I imagine we also hope we don't need help from them either.

It's not possible to contact the police and ask if you can please have have the ones attend that are psychologically well. As a PP said, it's a case of, you don't have to be a dick to work here, but it helps.

Did you watch To Catch A Copper?

I didn't say it was a theory, I said it was a saying.

IME yes.