My husband met up with....

[BirdieMK3]

Hi everyone, I need advice please 🙏
I've been with my husband for 20 years, married for 13 and we have a 10 year old.
He has never done/ said anything to make me doubt him or be jealous...
On Friday (the day we got back from holiday) he asked I minded him meeting a friend for lunch on the Saturday (we both work saturdays) ofcourse I said I didn't mind. He then went on to tell me it was a female, someone who he grew up with, someone he's not seen or spoken to for over 20 years.
OK, so now I mind...how has this come about, why now, who is she, what have they been messaging each other....
Despite me being upset about it and not wanting him to go, he went!!!!!
He can not see why I'm so hurt, angry upset....he sees it as just meeting up with an old friend, an old friend he's not once mentioned to me in 20 years!!!
Have I overreacted?? Help me guys x

For goodness sake this does not help making up new scenarios. Main thing for me would be if my husband went on to do something that would hurt me, then I'd be heart broken, but sadly it would show me where I rank and if I aint number 1, then hes gone.

"Men just don’t bother with women unless they fancy them"

Absolute horseshit. I'm having dinner with a former colleague/friend on Tuesday. Neither of our partners will be there, nor do they give a shit about us meeting. We are just mates catching up.

There has been a serious breakdown in trust between the two of you - understandably. It may be innocent but I can’t understand why he would exclude you. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Could you say, ‘I need to be able to trust my husband. I feel really hurt by your actions and suspect there could be some sort of emotional affair (at least) going on.’

Could you then ask him to go to some counselling and see whether he would go?

I'm sorry, OP, at this point, you'll have to lay down an ultimatum, or this will be your new normal.

I would get everything ready ahead of time: your support network, possible family to stay with or take your DS to, divorce proceedings and law, your finances, etc.

Then, I would tell him clearly how you feel and how the situation looks. If there is no affair, then he should be happy to prove to you it's not an affair.

If it is an affair, you tell him, you'd like him to leave. He neither shows respect for you or a willingness to correct that in the future.

I'm so sorry, OP. I wish you all the best.

@BirdieMK3, he has had time to make this right, to prioritize you and your child, and to live his commitment to provide love, respect, support and security. He hasn’t.

He is content to leave you unsettled in limbo land while he lives in his separate quarters and continues building his relationship with OW. He has clearly shifted his loyalty to her and is proving her significance in his life.

You have agency and can take definitive steps to change this appalling situation.

It's the not letting you see his phone and "beach of privacy" pile of crap excuse that men always pull out in these situations.

I'm sorry but I think you know what is going on here. He doesn't seem to he respecting you and why you are upset which rings even bigger alarm bells.

Likely that she herself IS insecure, and has been cheated on

@BirdieMK3. How are you doing Birdie? Hoping you are ok x💐

@BirdieMK3, I too have been wondering how you’re doing.