@CandyColouredEggshells
He was surprisingly calm, I feel very unnerved.
Obvs there can be many reasons for this, but one of them may be that he's not all that surprised. They know 'what they are' and they often wonder why we put up with it (even as the abuse continues). So he may be thinking "Well, I guess I always knew I might push her too far and this might happen". If you're lucky, he's already looking around for, or has found, his next 'victim'.
Don't let your guard down but try to relax and not give it too much head space. There may be a shitstorm or there may not be. But as Hagrid said "No good sittin' worryin' abou' it. What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does".
Words of caution though:
-Don't agree to meet him anywhere alone or go back to the house 'to talk'.
-Agree to NOTHING regarding finances and/or the DC until you've run it by a solicitor.
-If he's going to see the DC, meet in a public place or arrange for him to see them at a safe third party's house. Always remember that he has equal parental rights. He has the legal ability to take the DC and not return them. If you think this is a possibility, you must get a legal agreement before he sees them with you not present.
-Assume that phone calls are being recorded or overheard and text messages screen shot*.
-The best form of communication is via email. Emails don't demand an 'instant response' like a text. You are able to digest and scrutinize his words carefully and then equally carefully craft a noncommittal response*. Remember "I'll have to give that some thought and get back to you" is a valid response to just about anything.
*One of the first things I learnt as a bureaucrat was 'never put anything in writing, but if you do, read it 5 times before submitting it. Better yet, have someone else read twice first'.