Think tomorrow is the day - leaving emotional abuse

[CandyColouredEggshells]

Not sure if anyone has seen my other post, I’ve been speaking to a DA charity and planning on doing a “moonlit flit” and I have a window of opportunity tomorrow which I don’t know when I’ll get again.

I’m feeling so, so guilty right now, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it. Practically I’m 100% there but so scared! Keep on replaying all the times I’ve tried to leave before and the heartbreaking things he’s said to me in the past eg “don’t you want to grow old with me?” between sobs. Honestly don’t know how anyone ever has the strength to go through with this 😩😩

Good luck OP. Really hope all goes well for you today.

I volunteer with Cats Protection OP, we temporary home cats in foster care for months at a time where the owners flee domestic abuse. Those that need veterinary care or spaying get it. We love and care for them until they can go home or will rehome them if they can’t.

Sending my biggest hugs for today.

Dogs trust do similar https://www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/freedom-project

Good luck for today OP.

Good luck today OP 💪

Thinking of you today OP and sending you love and strength to help you through.

Thinking of you today. You can do this OP, you are worth so much more than staying in a terrible relationship.

I fled from an abusive relationship and it was 10000% the right decision. I’m happily married now to a lovely man and feel sick of the thought of being back with my awful ex.

I wish you well. I have a thread running, about my story and have found posting very helpful, plus the support of internet strangers is disproportionately valuable to me. One note on the dog, please make sure your husband is not able to log onto the microchip site and change ownership.

Rooting for you!

Stay strong OP, each step forward is a step in the right direction. In a few weeks you will be in a better place in so many aspects.
Good luck for today and the start of your new life with your dc and hopefully your pets 💐

If you're in London I will come and get your dog and foster him and take your cats to a rescue

I don't want to guilt trip you but there's so many reports of men who've harmed pets because they're angry at being left

Basically your animals aren't safe

@Moier that’s beyond awful I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank goodness your daughter isn’t his. I hope he stays in prison for a very long time.

@CandyColouredEggshells wishing you luck and fortitude today.

Good luck today!

I know so many people are caring about the pets but you and your children’s lives are more important than the pets at this stage of immediate exit and so do not feel guilty. You can retrieve them later or report to rspca etc if needed.

do not contact him following you leaving, contact the police and report his abuse. Inform the school so they are aware he is not to pick them up until he is deemed safe. He isn’t safe if he has been abusing you.

don’t even engage in these “final call to allow me to move on” “a discussion about the kids” “let me apologise” think about it, his points are ridiculous, I thought we’d grow old together?? Surely your answer is why would I want to be abused for the next 40 years and spend it miserable. Growing gold with you is the last thing you’d want. Don’t engage so he can’t ply you with this nonsense.

If you have to communicate use one of the approved apps that records all communication so it can be used in court.

he is not a good father if he abuses their mother

OP, I'm sending you all the good wishes in the world for today. We are here for you.

Well, I LTB.

Currently sat in a hotel anxiously waiting for him to notice I’m gone, I have moments of being happy/relieved but overall I feel sick.

Telling DD didn’t go as well as I would have liked, tried to keep it as age appropriate as possible and not tell her too much but she was asking what I was doing and getting anxious. She was really upset and saying she didn’t want to leave (little white lie I told her we'll come back; she might if he behaves himself but I won’t be) but she seems ok now.

Well done op! This is such a hard step and you have done it.

Oh well done. Sending so much love to you and DD.

The wait for him to realise will be tough OP, but don't be surprised if he doesn't even acknowledge you've gone. Sometimes these men explode, but other times they stubbornly refuse to give away any perceived 'power' and would rather leave you stewing waiting for him to get in touch. That's how they see it anyway.

Try and distract yourself in any way you can.

To help your daughter, tell her as much as you can about things you are certain about. Children are very mercenary and care lots about how changes will affect them! So for example you might say:

We will go to the park tomorrow afternoon with your scooter

You will wear your summer dress to school on Monday

We will watch GBBO tonight like we usually do

Etc etc. I hope this is helpful.

You have shown such strength. It must feel terrifying, but you are so so strong.

You are amazing, well done! What are the next steps? Do you have a place lined up?

Well done OP. You have made a very brave step forward.

Thank you, I certainly don’t feel brave, but thank you all so much, don’t think I would have been brave enough to do it without the support yesterday and the wanting to be able to tell you all I’ve done it.

It’s breaking my heart because DD loves her dad and he’s only ever been abusive to me so I do feel unfair leaving with her but I couldn’t leave her behind.

I have several times today paused and thought “am I actually awake here or dreaming this?”

Well done for taking the hardest step.

Sending strength OP 💞 you’ve got this

Im glad you got out OP.

In your other thread you say that he can be overly harsh with the dog.

What are you going to do about the cats and dog as this could potentially be very bad news fkr them. You say you have a supportive family and a good job, could you not throw money at the problem?