Who else has to ask permission to put the washing machine on?

[teacheroffsick]

We do have solar panels so cheaper to put washing machine on during the day.
When I've got mountains of washing, sometimes i just want to bung it on and try to get through it all. I have to say to DH "I'm putting a wash on this evening so don't have a go at me." He then tells me that it would save money to wait until the day. I understand this but as we have loads of washing at the moment, that's not enough to get it all done before school goes back next week. I've told DH that it's weird and old fashioned for me to have to check with him or ask him to put a wash on like I'm some sort of servant. I said that if he insists that I can't put it on this evening, then he'll have to manage his own washing this week so I can focus on getting mine and the kids done. Honestly, it's like living in the fucking Victorian age in this house sometimes with him being the head of the household.

We've never been on an equal footing since having kids. He likes to remind me that he earns more

I'm not one bit surprised.

You're married to a small, mean man, OP.

You brought life into the world, and he's jealous of your strength. His fragile ego can't handle it. He's getting his revenge every time he tries to control and humiliate and frustrate you.

Don't run around sourcing ways to pander to his unreasonable demand.

Get a dryer, ours was quite cheap as vented.

We have solar panels and the washer, dryer and dishwasher all go on during the day (not all at once though). I wouldn't even think of running it at night, although we could as get cheaper electric on our EV tariff. DH would probably complain if I put it on at another time but I don't as it's sensible and more cost effective to run it during the day. I can understand both sides you want to do the washing he's thinking of the cost of running it (unless you have a house battery to store the electric during the day, then it wouldn't matter when you did it).

Yes he is trying to align them. Fair enough but sometimes I just need to do a load at a different time. We don't have cheap rate electricity at night time.

Gads! I'm so glad I'm in charge of bills my house. Ain't no man here to get his undies in twist about washing machine use.
I do have a teen ds.
I originally thought it would be a good idea to use the economy wash, but got bored waiting for it to finish.
Now my ds uses 45 min wash and I use the 30 min wash. He does his during the day, I do mine whenever I think about it or run out of socks.

Having just left a control freak after putting up with his shit for 10years!

Run for the fucking hills and don't look back !! My only advise!

Just push through that and crack on.

So right now Im washing only a pink coat and pink and white shirt! 2 items! Don’t have solar power or any clue when my electric is cheaper. However I am familiar with men who sulk and I agree…ignore push thru and do what you want or need to do. Also have been given side eye for running dishwasher during tv time…open floor plan you can hear everything. I run it anyways shit needs done. There is more at play here with DH but assert yourself on THIS particular item…I will in fact wash when I want and when it’s needed and I’m not seeking permission. Baby steps to asserting yourself. It’s not a marriage fixer but you can secretly smile everytime you push start button.

Put washing in the machine before you go to sleep

Set the timer, so that the machines activates during the daytime

My exDH is the sort who puts all his clothes in the dryer every washday, no matter what the weather (lots of sunshine here), and runs the heat pump on high all day while he's at work. I could have put the machine on for a single garment every day and he wouldn't have cared less.

I would be telling your husband it's either your way, or he takes over laundry duties.

He's doing far more.

He's dictating the timing of a chore you do for the benefit of the family to align with cheap rates regardless of whether that chore should be done at that time to optimize the functionality of the machine. He's making your life difficult for the sake of saving a few pennies.

He's sulking and ranting. This is abusive.

He's sneering at you for earning less.

He clearly believes the marriage isn't equal.

None of this is 'fair enough'. It's all based on the premise of inequality.

I have solar panels and no battery.
I try never to put the washing machine or tumble dryer on at night if I can help it. And I remind other adults in the household to be mindful of free sunshine and daylight hours and to take advantage of them.
In a larger family than mine with adults out of the house all day working, it would of course be more difficult to take advantage of free energy, especially in the winter working week.

There is little point having free energy if you deliberately ignore the hours it is free and use expensive energy instead.
There is little point staying with a miserable, sulky partner who is so totally blinkered that he has no understanding that sometimes, pressing family needs mean the washing machine has to go on at an expensive rate because it just can’t be helped.

I'd be a rebel & put the washer, tumble dryer & dishwasher all on at the same time, any moaning or sulking would lead to him being told to jog on. It's abuse, as long as you can pay your bills it shouldn't matter, with solar panels it must only cost pennies to do a load, especially if you only use a low temperature wash & make sure you do a full load.

100% this.

I do a ridiculous amount of laundry per week.
I don't have enough time out of work hours to keep on top of it.
The laundry pile is Not To Be Commented On.
When I do laundry is Not To Be Commented On.
There is a certain air of fear and mystery surrounding matters of laundry in my house and anyone who dares question me is Off To The Tower.
Don't tolerate this from a non participating bystander. I definitely fucking don't.

I have a variable price energy plan where it’s cheaper to run in the middle of the day because all the solar power floods the grid and I will set the timer on my dishwasher and washing machine but if the kids do their own washing or set the dishwasher on at night I don’t complain about it.

Its important for people to have agency in their own home.

This is the real issue. Please don’t waste your active, healthy years on a man like this.

Even with the worst rated washing machine, on a long hot wash I doubt you'll save 40p.
But as is almost always the case, it's not about the washing, its control. If he didnt have washing to complain about, it would be some other thing that OP can never do right.

solution would be that he's in charge of all laundry then...

his reaction is not ok. it evn wouldn't be ok it was a choice between laundry or dinner due to finances.

tbh he has a point. it's much better environmentally to use renewable energies.
we also have a variable energy tarif and use high energy appliances mostly when the tarif is cheap. but we don't sweat it if we have to put a wash on at a more expensive time.

My ex husband was in the middle of one of his regular sulks when I left the useless fool. He miscalculated his power over me big time. He was devastated, poor thing.
Sulking, silent treatment is the most revolting trait, to me.
Now he can sulk till his heart's content.

Just wash your clothes in the day and when he runs out of clothes say he wouldn't allow you to put the washing on so unfortunately they didn't get washed.

How much energy does your washing machine use per wash?

How much does that cost from your energy provider?

is he really that much of a tight wad he doesn’t want to pay that?

This is from 2022 but look, it can’t possibly cost that much now to wash your families clothes so he is being an arse and a tightwad. https://metro.co.uk/2022/04/19/how-much-does-it-cost-to-do-the-laundry-in-your-washing-machine-16492972/amp/

Does he walk ten miles to work/pub/shops to save a few quid on the bus fare or petrol? No? Well, he could, so why not?

He is a controlling arse.

Why are you all shagging these men?

If he is so aware of the laundry tell him to do it from now and forever.