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Original poster

Who else has to ask permission to put the washing machine on?

236 replies

teacheroffsick · 09/04/2024 20:17

We do have solar panels so cheaper to put washing machine on during the day.
When I've got mountains of washing, sometimes i just want to bung it on and try to get through it all. I have to say to DH "I'm putting a wash on this evening so don't have a go at me." He then tells me that it would save money to wait until the day. I understand this but as we have loads of washing at the moment, that's not enough to get it all done before school goes back next week. I've told DH that it's weird and old fashioned for me to have to check with him or ask him to put a wash on like I'm some sort of servant. I said that if he insists that I can't put it on this evening, then he'll have to manage his own washing this week so I can focus on getting mine and the kids done. Honestly, it's like living in the fucking Victorian age in this house sometimes with him being the head of the household.

OP posts:

IncognitoUsername · 09/04/2024 21:59

BobnLen · 09/04/2024 21:55

Why is it notifying his phone if you do the washing

If it’s the same as our dishwasher then you need to put a number in when it’s being set up, in case of breakdowns etc. DH was there when the guy was putting it in so used his number

ivegotthisyeah · 09/04/2024 22:00

I have solar panels and no battery I do try do all the washing cooking in daylight hours but sometimes like you said it's just not possible!!
I'd be saying I get what your saying however it's not practical as we need uniforms or why don't you take it on but you need to get a week ahead so it's all in order for daylight hours only

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/04/2024 22:03

Fuck that, makes me glad I'm still single. Couldn't be doing with someone say you can't do that.

BobnLen · 09/04/2024 22:05

Our dishwasher has wifi but we didn't bother with it, I can just look when I'm passing it to see if it's finished, the breakdown thing would only be useful if it was under guarantee. We always install our own appliances anyway so no chance of anyone putting in our phone numbers to be bothered by unnecessary notifications.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 09/04/2024 22:05

Back to your original question OP, who else asks permission... this immediately reminded me of a colleague a few years back casually saying she doesn't like Saturdays cos she had to get up by 6 to get 3 loads on before the rates go up, something to that effect. Everyone was gobsmacked, she thought this was normal and said it wasn't her choice but DH insisted. Honestly there were a lot of conversations behind her back after that, mostly raising concerns about her, gently asking her questions about her relationship. What I'm saying is it was a big red flag. A few months later we went for dinner and he was sitting in the car outside watching her through the restaurant window.

Are there other things you feel might be unusual in your relationship? I think its worth really thinking it through. Tell us your concerns. How is he about you going out with friends or family, or having separate hobbies? Reminding you of your income difference is really shitty, you are a family and that difference is irrelevant. I don't like the sound of this relationship at all OP.

SeatonCarew · 09/04/2024 22:06

teacheroffsick · 09/04/2024 21:10

Wow that's good. We wouldn't have enough space to dry it all.

Show quote history

Do you have a stairwell? Could you have a laundry maid on a pulley hung up there?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Clothes-Ceiling-Victorian-Laundry-Kitchen/dp/B094D69Y6V?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&smid=A2DHZ8PEFUW8LD&th=1

Growlybear83 · 09/04/2024 22:07

I can't imagine even mentioning to my husband that I'm about to put a load of washing on. I do at least one wash most days and do it when it suits me - the only time I don't use the washing machine is late at night because my husband tends to go to bed quite early at about 11.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 09/04/2024 22:14

teacheroffsick · 09/04/2024 21:20

Ugh he's very controlling and it's tiresome.

So , do you are staying with a "controlling and tiresome" DH? Why?

Screamingabdabz · 09/04/2024 22:15

It’s. Not. About. Laundry.

Gamerlady · 09/04/2024 22:16

Tell him he is not your dad. You're an adult and don't need his permission to do the washing . I've never asked my husband, I just do it.

ElloiseMcTavish · 09/04/2024 22:20

teacheroffsick · 09/04/2024 21:20

Ugh he's very controlling and it's tiresome.

There’s your answer, you can choose to put up with this behaviour. If he’s so controlling on putting a washing on I’m wondering what other aspects of your life he controls?

ThereIsIron · 09/04/2024 22:21

What's the saving per wash if done during the day as opposed to in the evening?

isitbananatimealready · 09/04/2024 22:25

Alstreena · 09/04/2024 20:19

Maybe he has a point?

Who pays the utility bills?

They are a family. All money is family money, not his or hers.

Does he want to do the laundry? No. He is being a dick.

Ohnobackagain · 09/04/2024 22:25

@Notamum12345577 depends if @teacheroffsick ‘s solar setup has a battery (inverter? Whatever it’s called) for storing the electricity or not.

JPGR · 09/04/2024 22:25

Why don’t you just invest in a tumble dryer? No hassle with hanging out the washing and saves on the ironing.

JeezJeezLouise · 09/04/2024 22:26

Why are you voluntarily putting him in charge of you? He's being ridiculous. Point out all the other ways he could be saving a few cents every time he does this.

And just stop doing his washing - who knows, maybe he'll get stuck and end us having to put his wash on at a non optimum time

Noseybookworm · 09/04/2024 22:28

If he's controlling in other aspects of your life and likes to point out that he earns more than you, you have bigger problems than the laundry. You need to have a conversation about how he behaves towards you and how you are not going to tolerate it any longer.

zeibesaffron · 09/04/2024 22:30

I am worried about what else he controls, this is not normal or ok.

How dare he - in my house he would be told to do his own washing! what a prick!!

Runnerduck34 · 09/04/2024 22:30

My DH never notices me put the washing machine on-its so out of his orbit.

Sounds very controlling I couldn't be doing with it , my DH does sometimes moan if I use the tumble dried but only in a minor way and I ignore him - he can hang out AND take in the washing if he so chooses... which he doesn't. If he does hang it up it could be outside for a week.

So do your washing and the kids and leave him his to manage how he chooses.
Or just ignore him and carry on regardless.
It takes ages to do a load of washing particularly if you use an eco mode ( which I avoid ) with a family and a busy life it is hard to keep on top of it all.
I would say let him take on sole responsibility for all of the washing but then it might be the kids that end up not having clean clothes not him