DH won’t accept that I’m disabled now

[Meridean]

I used to be reasonably fit. I danced and jogged etc. But about a year ago I developed a health issue which causes muscular pain, burning and twitching. With the help of physio I’ve recovered enough to be able to walk several miles if I take it easy, but I can’t do anything more intensive. I’m waiting for a hospital referral for further treatment.

This week we’re off work and DH has decided we should finally clear the loft and spare bedroom. He is bullying me constantly because I can’t keep up with the pace. On Monday I spent six hours sorting through boxes, and on Tuesday I could barely move so I just lay in bed all day. His behaviour that day was ridiculous, yelling at me and bullying me because my muscles hurt.

Yesterday he was standing over me with his arms folded while I bagged clothes, complaining that I wasn’t fast enough. This morning I spent two hours bagging toys for the charity shop, then I had a sandwich and fell asleep on the sofa because I was worn out. DH woke me up and yelled at me for being lazy, saying we haven’t taken a week off work just for me to laze around.

It’s too much, I can’t cope with the level of physical activity he wants me to do. I’ve told him I’m disabled now, and he said “Convenient isn’t it! Now you don’t have to do anything!” He’s being so nasty and honestly I just don’t know how to get him to understand that I can’t do what I used to.

Leave him.

Has he always been extremely unpleasant when you have been ill? Even if it was just a bout of diarrhoea and vomiting?

What a total twat he is being! No advice OP, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. YANBU

Dump him. He sounds like an arse.

What a prince. Bag up his possessions and throw him out.

What a dickhead.

He's an abusive prick. Leave him

I’m so confused. This is extremely abusive. Is this the first time it’s come to light?

He's abusive. I have no medical issues and if we had a week off work to sort the house and I fell asleep, DH would accept I'm tired and leave me alone. I wouldn't expect ANYONE to be stood over me making sure I work fast enough etc .

You
Deserve
More

Trying to be charitable, it sounds like he is having issues accepting your condition so is taking his ager out on you as he doesn't want to accept what had happened. It is not acceptable!

I would suggest counselling for him.

Bloody hell! I've recently got a similar issue to you except more subletting as it need crutches sometimes and would love to walk half a
Mile but it's not possible
At the moment, also awaiting support from NHS and diagnosis, likely psoriatic arthritis,
My DH is very active and busy person, and he's so supportive, I have days on the sofa, weekends are often me resting and interjecting with some more active things like house work or such
Your DH needs a boot up the bum!!

Would suggest a good divorce lawyer for him!!!

I went from being abled bodied to unable to do lots due to crippling pain and fatigue with endometriosis. At no stage did Dh shout at me, bully me or be anything other than totally supportive, researched with me, made lifestyle changes with me and went to every medical appointment I had. He understood it is a full body medical condition.

Your husband's behaviour is appalling. Has he been to any medical appointments with you? Why would he suddenly think you are lazy?

Whilst I get everyone has to take time to adapt to changes in ability, this isn't a case of him not being used to you needing to take things a bit slower.

He is being downright nasty.

Leave , please leave . This won’t get better . 💐

Fuck me that's harsh!

My DH was also super fit and developed a condition that has left him with serious mobility issues.
It's quite hard getting used to the fact that he can't do what he used to, we can no longer go for walks, go camping, clearing out the loft or garage would just be a nightmare.
I understand your DH's frustration, clearing the loft benefits everyone but he's the only one able to work at a faster pace so feels he is picking up all the slack BUT the reason for that is not your fault nor your problem!

Yeah sometimes I do feel frustrated that DH can't help me but I never take it out on him. I would never make him feel bad or act how your DH is acting.

He sounds like a royal twat.

What a pig OP .

Move on. Create a life which is good for you.

If you feel for it try couple councelling - your husband might take out his frustrations on you because he doesn't know how to handle it.

He's clearly in denial, perhaps because he's scared of exactly what your disability might ultimately mean for you and for your continuing relationship together. He's obviously not listening to you, is there another person he might listen to? Doctor or counsellor who can give him the facts & reassure him?

PS he's also being an unsympathetic insensitive arse...

Hope it works out for you ok.

Leave him.

He sounds absolutely vile. How can anyone live with someone like that?

You are allowed to rest and fall asleep. I often have afternoon naps when I'm not at work and I have no health issues (unless you count being perimeno).

💐

That's why I'm wondering how he treated the OP when she's had minor illnesses that knocked her out for a day or two.

If he treated in a way that prevented her taking time out then she needs to leave as he has a big issue with his spouse, and likely other people around him, being ill.

It's not the OP's problem to solve as she needs to deal with her own health.

I would go with this view. It sounds like a big change of pace for you and consequently for him too. He is not expressing himself well, but perhaps talking things through in counselling will let him come to terms with it.

I think it’s worth trying , rather than jumping to leaving him.

i have see a similar dynamic close at hand and its so very hard for both partners.

What is the health issue? I ask not to be nosy but there is a stigma around things like fibromyalgia/ME/CFS - that people are making/hamming it up - that persists. Does your husband accept the diagnosis ? If not does he need to be shown some literature etc. it’s no excuse- he sounds like a nasty and aggressive bully- but it might be a reason for his behaviour?

And this is why men leave their wives when they get cancer. He's showing you who he is. Bin him off.

Don't you think that is a huge step without more information?

OP hasn't said this behaviour is usual for him, she's given little wider context. Yes the way he is behaving now he is an utter arsehole, but if this has only started this week it could be something that could be nipped in the bud.