A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

@Redrose23 and @FacePalm161 the reason I said fwb was because I’ve just come out of a long term relationship. My head is not in the right capacity to take on anyone else in a serious way right now. It also wouldn’t be fair on him. However he knows I like him more than this and would be willing to see how things go later on. He’s the one who shut this down when I brought it up. Maybe he is protecting himself and maybe I should have been more honest with him but it just came out and I regretted saying it the way I did and when I tried to discuss it, it was as if he’d closed the door. And it hurts. I want more but not now but having fwb doesn’t work for me either hence why I won’t be carrying it on.

I have feelings for him because we’ve spent so much time getting to know one another. I see him as a friend and feel like I’ve lost that. I don’t normally do casual, and definitely not with ppl I do not trust. It’s just very hard that’s all.

How is everyone doing? I seem to find weekends more difficult, probably because that's when we tended to do things together but I am getting better than I was & that logical part of my head is improving. Hope everyone is doing ok, 😀

@Misshollys hope you're ok. Weekends can feel long when you're getting used to time without someone.

I find on my weekends with my kids I still think about him a lot and wish he was more in touch with me even though there's nothing to say because I wouldn't want to see him when I'm with my kids

Thanks @Clytemnestra21 I'm good thanks, had a fab 10k walk earlier, the weather is beautiful today, we've had a bad run of crap weather here so it's lovely to get out when we can.
What are we like lol? We don't know what we want do we? Sometimes I think I've been taken over by something inside my head because what I'm thinking isn't what I'd actually want either.
Going to do a spell in the garden now, mow the lawn & tidy up, our main mower is broken so we're on a small push one which last weekend took almost 5 hrs as it was the first cut, heres hoping today doesn't take that long, I'm thinking of the exercise lol.

Can so relate to "what I'm thinking isn't what l want"

I think we are conditioned to think in a certain way eg monogamy, love etc.... but actually it doesn't suit for whatever reason... and then conflict within ourselves occurs.

For me... l entered into the situationship knowing he was poly and had a longterm partner... and the reason l did is because I didn't actually want anything heavy or something that would lead to him wanting to live together etc...

But when he slept with another person other than his partner, it completely devastated me. It took a friend being very blunt with me and asking exactly what l wanted with him to realise that the devastated response wasn't actually that he'd slept with someone else, but that he had broken our agreement that he would tell me if there was the likelihood of that happening.

Once l figured that out, we continued for another few months.

@NeedToAskPlease There's definitely conflict inside me, the heart & the head though I think I am getting better at the head part, at least I hope so.
Do you think you'd enter into another similar relationship again? After he have treated you so badly, I was dropped in similar circumstances to you, after over 7:years though & I don't think I'd allow myself to start a new relationship, Well at the moment I say that lol, 😀

No l don't. It has really messed with my head....and still is. More happened then just the above and l now don't think he is really as polyamorous as he likes to think he is, due to the way he conducts himself.

I still don't want an intense heavy relationship but I've now realised that l can have a monogamous and loving relationship without the expectation of spending every waking moment together or living together.

It's that sort of intensity that l don't want at this stage.... but equally l want to mean something to someone again...be their "important person".... and maybe in years to come ... maybe live with someone again.

Maybe..

Has anyone else received a message? 🙄

@NeedToAskPlease No I didn't 😂🫣
Bit mad alright that, I think others got messages when this thread started.
Back to our conversation, maybe is a good start. I think a break from all of it is doing me good, trying to prioritise what I should have been but definitely wasn't.
Our times will come again 🤞🏻

@Misshollys hope you're okay, sounds like you're doing all the right things. @FWBSurvivor how are you doing? Are you managing to resist the temptation to text?
@NeedToAskPlease I completely understand what you mean about wanting to be someone's 'person'. I want that too.

I think my FWB is completely unavailable for more than meeting up a couple of times per fortnight to hang out at home and have sex. He's been clear about it so fair enough. But it's starting to make me feel a bit full of longing and wanting more validation and attention. Wondering if I should bring it to a close to protect myself. But obviously don't want to as I really like it when I do see him.

It's gone very quiet on here but all is well in my world, time is definitely a healer, I know it's always said, but I'm finding it easier these days. Hope everyone is doing ok.

@Clytemnestra21 That's a difficult one, you like the meeting him & obviously the sex but is that enough for you? If you feel you need more than he's offered, you may need to consider ending it but sure maybe give it a few weeks, enjoy it lol. I tried to end mine a few times on my terms but in the end I was totally blindsided & that was awful.

@Misshollys thanks! I think it might be about to come to a close

@Clytemnestra21 Hope you're doing ok,
I seen mine tonight & I'm quite proud of how well I coped, have come a long way since this thread started.
Reach out if you need to, x

Does anyone know how to stop getting notifications on just one post?

I'm not sure but I think it you unfollow the post,worth trying anyway,

Thought I’d give an update on my situation with the guy at work. And for anyone saying I laid my cards on the table. I was honest and said I didn’t want to jump from one guy to another before anyway, also why would you want to jump into a relationship with someone who has just come out of a long one. I just need time and I know it’s not fair for him to wait. He pursued me when I was with someone and initially I think it was for sex then he got to know me and I think started to like me and when I said what I did I think it threw him and he protects himself.
anyway I said I didn’t want to contact him and he was away but that’s not been the case. Last week messaged and called me on teams just for a chat. No text over weekend though. Starts messaging me on teams a lot, he was moaning about some people on there and then deletes the message so I text him on phone asking why he’s deleted, texts back on teams saying he has to be careful. So I was like well text me instead then. Ignored my comment and started messaging about other stuff. Then he was asking about how things are and being all like caring and stuff, then said come and sit outside with me on lunch, invited another colleague aswell. But after she left he sat with me and was asking about home again. Been really nice about it. I was like I’m not ready to be with anyone and he said, have a break from it all, will do you good. Then get back into office, sends me a teams again saying you will be alright, everything will work out for you. It’s like he’s friendzoned me but also given me a complete head fuck at the same time. I’m sat here thinking, is he doing it because he feels guilty that potentially his actions could have made us split up or does he actually like me but knows I don’t want a relationship so is protecting himself. The fact he’s kind of made it clear he no longer wants to text says he doesn’t want anything more. I mean I’m not ready for a relationship, but I do see potential there but I guess it’s not fair to ask someone to wait. I know I will be gutted if he tells me he’s seeing someone else. I really need to try and ignore but he’s like a drug and I need my fix. So bad I know.

For anyone on the post talking about headfucks and insecure and coping and all this stuff that makes me wish I had never commented on this thread, because I can’t work out how to turn notifications off….

dont do friends with benefits. You might think it’s cool, but it’s not how you were designed and does nothing but screw up your head.

@Redrose23 this thread is about supporting one another, not saying don’t do it, don’t do this blah blah blah. We all know not to do it but sometimes it’s just what happens.

@Redrose23, this is your karma for coming onto a thread that has nothing to do with you on a subject you know nothing about and being all judgy and pious to women who are looking for support. I hope you get every single notification until the thread reaches 1000 then you get tagged in part two 🙂

@SingleSock 😂😂😂

I mean why comment on a post if you don’t think Fwb is a good idea anyway. Go figure that one lol.

Soo... l saw my FWB on Sunday. We have been flirting over messages again. I went round and he kissed me really passionately... he'd never kissed me like that before.

He also asked me how l liked to be "played" with and did so, before he had his fun.

It was so lovely being cuddled again and l did enjoy being lusted after.

No arrangements to meet up again although we have exchanged messages.

At this point in time, I'm feeling OK about the situation. I have no idea what will happen next...if anything but l think having the break from him has helped me put in perspective what type of relationship we have and actually what l want from it too.

I want sex, kisses, cuddles, company.... but no commitment and l know l can get that from him.

I just need to keep my logical head on and not let my emotional one take over

@Vvmumofone I have a good idea but possibly because she can’t imagine having a friend, much less one that also wants to fuck her 🤷‍♀️

@Redrose23, I’ll tell you who is actually ‘cool’ and worth listening to: https://www.joe.ie/life-style/carol-vorderman-special-friends-764629

@SingleSock no one thinks it’s cool. You just get caught up in the moment sometimes don’t you? i know I did and whilst it probably wasn’t my finest hour, it also did me a huge favour but now I have to live in the friend zone. Probs for the best though as my head is all over the shop.

@Misshollys thanks for asking. Looks like he and I are back on as he's just suggested getting together soon.

I told him I'd like to see him more and he's kind of ignoring that (but smiling about it). It isn't ideal but I think maybe it doesn't need to be - it's pleasurable and exciting and fun )most of the time anyway!)
@Vvmumofone hope you're ok, your situation does sound confusing and upsetting.
@NeedToAskPlease so glad for you that you're back on track. I hope you manage to keep your calm and be guided by your mind like you say. Best of luck with it.

Oh some of you are so funny, most men want to fuck every woman they see- it’s not an accomplishment….. (lady who made the comment seems to think it is which is concerning…) I wouldn’t bother with someone or something that isn’t meaningful, but that wasn’t the point of my comment. My comment really was I’ve never seen so many desperate and insecure “does he love me does he not” women on any thread on here before, and it’s about women who think they are casually fucking people. Isn’t the whole point of you having your friends with benefits that they don’t really give a fuck about you and can jump from your bed to someone else’s no worries? So why are you all confused?