A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

@Clytemnestra21 to be perfectly honest with you, yes you very well may look back cringe. I do now. I’ve got no idea why I gave so much headspace and allowed so much of my happiness and worth to come from what was frankly so little. But when I was with him, the company, the sex, all the little moments were so nice and I wouldn’t (and didn’t!) walk away despite how it wasn’t the relationship I wanted. To be quite honest, if everything else is bleak and hard right now, why make it worse? Wait til you are in a stronger place, line up support (I’ve said more to friends in this month than in the past 8 years) and then cut the cord. It’s not like another wee while is going to make a difference at this stage.

@Vvmumofone yeah, you probably do need to be that blunt with him. Friends have been sharing battle stories recently and the consensus right now is when you get guys like this, they have the emotional range and understanding of a 7 year old. Concepts like cause and effect are just beyond them until the effect is there and slapping them in the face. BUT you’re not his mum or his therapist. If he doesn’t understand and you don’t want to have to explain basic human interaction to him, don’t. You owe him nothing.

And in case I sound preachy, sanctimonious or anything else like I know better, be secure in the knowledge I’m not because I’ve found someone new and equally unsuitable to be my next friend with benefits. I’ll be back soon no doubt with different ways I have been an idiot.

@Clytemnestra21 and @mummypigoink thank you. I’m just going to see if he starts asking if I’m ok with him again. If he does I shall say, please stop asking, I’ve told you I’m not, it’s not my job to make you feel better about how you behaved. I mean I have no issue if I pass him and he says hello, I won’t be rude. But I’m not interested in knowing about his life.

@Clytemnestra21 how are you feeling about this new one. I literally have no desire to replace mine. I’m not over him, and tbh j I just need to heal myself and learn to love myself before I even attempt dating or casual things again.

@Vvmumofone - The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.

@StarlightLady I've done this before and it really isn’t the right thing for everyone. I just can’t be arsed with men at the moment.

@mummypigoink think positively. This one might be alright!

Hey all 👋
Think I'm finally done.

Feeling pretty sad
There's good stuff on the other side of right?

Well done you. Amazing. What was the straw that broke you?

It will be hard and then one day you'll wish you did it much sooner!

Thanks @Moresunlessrain
We've had yet another conversation about why he's not ready for more than FwB - he made a comment which I think was a platitude to make me feel better but which just rings really shallow and makes me realise just how far apart we are. I can't stay in this situation any more.

@Clytemnestra21 yes there really is good stuff on the other side. It’s liberating not waiting for that next text, hoping that it’s somehow going to become what you want from a relationship. He’s the one who is missing out by passing up real life for some deluded fantasy.

Yes, there’s going to be tough times but you’ve survived worse and there is someone out there who actually deserves you. Promise.

So much good stuff on the other side @Clytemnestra21

I'm sad you're sad, but getting through the hard bit is so very very worth it.

We're here x

Thanks@mummypigoink and @OfcourseitsaNC

Thinking of blocking him and deleting his number

I do think that's the easiest route overall. How are you feeling today?

@Moresunlessrain thanks for asking
To be honest, it hasn't hit me yet. Maybe because we've been in as much contact as we ever are at this end of the week. I think I may crash in a few days.

If you're even thinking about blocking @Clytemnestra21 you're in a much more decisive place than you were before. I'm sad he's caused you this hurt that's made you get to this place.

If you feel you have the strength to block and stick with it, then do it.

And I agree that you'll probably crash in a few days. It's worth going through the crash to start processing the loss.

Thanks @OfcourseitsaNC. Yeh you're right it's going to get worse before it improves.

I'm not going to block him as he's asked me to 🙄 and I'm feeling contrary and as though he should block me!!

To be honest, as much as it being hurt, it's the indignity. Being told, in response to me saying I want more, that I'm not his person and he doesn't want a relationship with me but he's still willing to sleep with me, just feels humiliating.

Omg you deserve sooo much more. He's such a loser.

Thanks @Kat888

Loser indeed. And look the idiot has lost you.

He's asked you to block him? Is he incapable of doing his own blocking? Does he need you to wipe his arse too? 🤦‍♀️

Don't you dare let him allow you to feel humiliated. You have been honest and open. He kept leading you on. I'm glad he's finally found the right words that have got through to you about how shallow he is and made you realise why there's no point wasting any more of your precious time on him.

He doesn't want a relationship with you, you're not his person, but he still wants to fuck you? It says so much about him. So so much.

Enjoy the wine/chocolate you're treating yourself to tonight.

That nearly made me well up @OfcourseitsaNC and I'm not dumping the loser!

I bet you're a fab mate to have in a crisis!

That’s brutal @Clytemnestra21 and I really understand feeling humiliated after how mine ended. But how he’s behaved says everything about him and nothing about you. And, if that’s not what he wants, why is he not blocking you? Keep that contrary feeling and it’ll help you get over him!!

I've just gone back and reread your post.

He's still WILLING to sleep with you?

Oh, how very gallant of him. That's kind of him to do you such a favour. He knows he shouldn't, but out of his generous heart, he is willing to do this for you. No wonder he needs you to block him.

He
Can
Fuck
Right
Off

I am SEETHING on your behalf. What a cunt.

Totally agree @mummypigoink

How's things going with your totally unsuitable replacement?

@OfcourseitsaNC he’s a friend (actually genuinely) and we were both going through the same issues at the same time. It won’t go anywhere but we’re both on the same page. I just need to be sensible.