A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

Thanks @mummypigoink you're right

Can I join the thread? I've had one long distance FWB for a bit longer than a year, and sometimes I meet others and it's always a bit tricky.

Like @Clytemnestra21 I've "broken up" with mine a few times and after a while I'd go back... Now I feel I'm happy with what we have. We have some interests in common and we do them together, and of course I date other people (as does he).

I try to enjoy what FWB gives me and not resent what he can't. But it took me over a year to be comfortable with that, and it was painful at times...

I'm starting to understand that I'll feel very insecure for the first few months, in any kind of relationship. Perhaps I just have to accept that and ride these first months knowing that. Anyone else feel the same?

@Terrybritts You’re in the wrong place, bro. This is a space for women to discuss their feelings. Bye.

Hi all
@whatwouldlilacerullodo glad you joined the thread. You sound much more sorted than me about your FWB. I've been trying to put into practice the recommendations from @mummypigoink and @OfcourseitsaNC about how to protect myself but it's a struggle. I've seen FwB a few times over the last fortnight and it's been really nice but an interaction this weekend really brought home to me how much less invested he is me than I am him. It's pretty jolting. I'm not doing anything sudden but need to get back to exploring other options. It's hard though as life is so busy, I'm an introvert, and don't really feel interested in anyone except him.

@Clytemnestra21 oh lovely, this is rubbish. Always here for tea and sympathy xx

@Clytemnestra21 it's the side swipe, isn't it? Really knocks you off balance. You thought you knew where you stood, and their behaviour makes you realise you don't have a clue.

I'm having similar with my guy at the moment. He's being a dick over something for not the first time. I've decided I'm done trying to be the one reaching out to him to sort it.

Maybe we should go speed dating together @Clytemnestra21 😁

Thanks @mummypigoink wish I could have a cup of tea and a hug

@OfcourseitsaNC - yep it's brutal. I definitely need to go speed dating!
Where are you based?

Will virtual do? ☕☕☕

I'm SE coast. Where are you?

Thank you!!!!!
I'm in London

I'm in your town Wednesday night. If you can find a speed dating event, let's go!

Hmmm I found one in central London for this Wednesday but is ages 30-45 which is a bit young for me! How old are you @OfcourseitsaNC ? How often do you come up?

DD frequently reminds me I'm nearly 50, so there would have to be a lot of 40+ yr old men there for us to enjoy the event I suspect.

This week is the first time I've ever been in London for work. I'm quite excited! It's unlikely to happen again though.

I'm up the odd weekend seeing family and friends. Shall I PM you the next time I do?

Hahahaha I’m there fairly often for work. Can I come too 😂

Yes let's do it! Pm me both and we can organise a meet up.

Hi, is anyone still around from this thread? Wondering how you're all doing? @mummypigoink, @OfcourseitsaNC - I hope you're both doing well.

I'm in the same loop of longing. I'm ok. But admitted to FwB that I'm falling in love with him and now I feel foolish.

Oh @Clytemnestra21 that's hard for you. What did FWB say when you told him you're falling in love with him?

I'm pretty excited right now. I'm going out tomorrow night with a man I've had a few dates with. Finally DTD 🤞 If we do, then I'm ending things with FWB.

@Clytemnestra21 and what’s happened since you said that?

@OfcourseitsaNC hope it all goes well!

I’m somewhere in the middle of you both. Waiting to see what happens…

@OfcourseitsaNC that's so exciting! Hope it went well with your new guy? Are you ready to ditch the FwB?

@mummypigoink hope you're ok? Sounds like you're starting to move on too?

My FwB told me he's not in a hurry and wants to take his time and he thinks once people commit things start to get less fun and more anxious and resentful. Says he's really into me and can't believe we're still seeing each other after all this time but he just isn't ready to commit. Meanwhile he's doubled down on the sexual adventurousness which is obviously really nice. But I feel quite vulnerable and foolish.

@Clytemnestra21 nope, potentially going backwards 🙈

Oh @mummypigoink is it FwB? Are you okay?

@Clytemnestra21 That sounds really difficult and confusing for you, but well done for being open about your feelings for him as I think sometimes in FWB situations we
(or certainly I!) can get very good at ‘playing it cool’ and acting like we are happy with the situation . So actually that took a lot of guts for you to acknowledge you are falling for him..

His response sounds typically frustrating : his words saying he’s not ready and doesn’t want to commit and then his body saying another: stepping up the adventurousness perhaps because he knows at some level that this will keep you hooked..

it sounds like he obviously enjoys what you have but is unable/unwilling to step up and give you what you need despite the fact that he knows you are hurting.. Which is actually pretty shitty and selfish behaviour. . Ultimately it will be up to you to end it if/when it feels like the negative is outweighing the positive. However, I know how hard that can be when you are attached and don’t want to give up the good bits, despite the painful bits. . Wishing you well with it, and sending strength and solidarity!

Aww thanks @shivermetimbers77 for the well wishes and solidarity - really appreciate it!

I'm trying to just enjoy it because he's so fun and naughty but then I worry that it'll trip me up because I may realise when I'm feeling fragile that he doesn't care about me as I'd want him to.

I'm also worried about wasting time. I think I would like to meet someone and be in a relationship where I'm loved securely and fully but I don't really have the capacity to pursue both. And I guess deep down I don't really believe the latter is possible because I thought I had that before with ex of 20 years but he betrayed me brutally.

Completely this in spades @Clytemnestra21 You've been true to yourself and he's responded like an arse. Like @shivermetimbers77 , it's only you who can decide if the fantastic parts are worth going through the pain for.

I too came out of a 20 year marriage. I have very little trust in men because of ex's deep betrayal. I'm hoping that the right man will gently and carefully help me change that view at some point in the future.