A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

@Clytemnestra21 and @DiscoveryDiva big hugs. It's so so shit isn't it.

We know it's not a "proper" relationship... but we still have given ourselves to them.

I'm trying not to message mine as l know he is away with his partner and l messaged last also.

I was doing some "logical" thinking about it and was thinking should l expect to hear from him when he is with his partner? How would l feel if he was messaging other females when with me. I would be upset, miffed, pissed off.

So actually it's totally reasonable that he isn't.... although I'm sure she won't go a whole week and not message her husband.

@NeedToAskPlease it is really shit. I'm sorry

Ahh hugs to you all struggling at the moment, it is crap & it does hurt but I can say that it really does get easier, now I know I'm a few months on so it's probably easier for me to say that but my head is in a better place now. I'm not going to lie and say he doesn't cross my mind every so often but it doesn't hurt anymore. I've seen him for what he really was & definitely the logical mind is winning these days. You will all get through this & come out stronger. They say " Time's a healer" & it is but in the meantime you need look after yourselves, give yourselves a break & try and keep busy to fight that emotional mind, x

@Misshollys Thank you for your kind words. Time is definitely a healer and if anything, I think we all know it was not us - it was them! It's easy to move forward when you know you did nothing wrong except show someone love and kindness. Hugs to all x

Oh man. That's shit. Sorry to hear some of you are going through the mill.

Time really is your friend here. And going forward, you now have a little more clarity in what you do/don't want and how you can protect your heart the next time.

I was reading this thread when it first started… and now I am here :(

I had fwb for over year and a half, it was going really well, great boundaries and today he messaged me that he started seeing someone.
Ouch! It shouldn’t bother me but it does.. I had a very tough two months and he was one of the things that kept me similing. I just wished him all the best (and secretly hoping he will be back)

I can see some of you going through similar - sending you hugs x

Sending love to you all and just waiting for my turn 😢

Hi everyone. This is hard to endure. I'm
On day 3 of no contact with him and can't believe I haven't heard from him.

@Clytemnestra21 it is soo hard! I ended up creating a dating profile yesterday evening to distract myself, it was so unbearable 😂 Do they usually come back messaging?

Mine didn’t last 24h without contacting me - messaged me this morning about saying “goodbyes”..

Stick with it. Hold fast. Every day will get easier. And lock your phone away if you're drinking.

Mine should be back from his holiday with his partner today.

Wondering when...if I'll hear from him.

I really don't know why he occupies my thoughts so much 😕

@NeedToAskPlease hope you're oky 

Thanks for the supportive messages everyone. It's a huge help to have this thread as there's only a couple of people I can talk to about it in RL.

Thanks@Misshollys for the perspective on time.

I've had a rotten week and feel really tearful. Just want to get through this moment quickly.

I just wish it had meant more.

I know it's so hard, words sometimes can't describe the hurt you're all feeling, but they really really don't deserve your thought's.
@Clytemnestra21
I just wish it had meant more.
This stuck out at me, I can totally relate, from my perspective, it meant more to us than it did to them and thats whats hard to come to terms with. They think differently to us and seem to move on so quickly, well mine had already moved on before I even realised. So it means so much more to us and thats why it hurts so much. You will realise this in time and the hurt will hurt less, hope you're doing ok there. You deserve so much more, can you do anything nice for yourself this weekend? Something to preoccupy your mind,

Totally agree that it means more to us.... my FWB...who l still haven't heard from despite the fact he returned from holiday yesterday.... says he is "emotionally shy" and doesn't experience feelings and emotions in the normal way.

I have no idea what he means as he then says how he loves his partner and how wonderful she is. Such a complete head fuck, he really is.

I think I'm my FWBs 5th or 6th FWB. He was my first.

It really helped me get my head in the right place about FWB when I listened to him talk about his previous FWBs. Things come out in conversation about them now and then, and I tune in to what he's actually saying about them rather than what I think I want to hear about them.

It's helped me realise he compartmentalises his FWB as company to be enjoyed rather than one person to care and think about.

If your FWB thinks the same @Clytemnestra21 it's why it doesn't mean more... You were a hobby to partake in rather than a human with emotions.

Sending hugs to you all. @OfcourseitsaNC youre right - it is a hobby. There's never just one fwb. It's all about getting an ego boost from wherever they can so they keep many on the hook. I've given up. Not going there again. Rather be alone than miserable.

How is everyone coping?

Feeling pissed off currently. Not heard a thing from mine and as much as l want to message him, l need to claw back some self respect.

Also something did dawn on me earlier. He has absolutely no feelings or care for me at all ... so in his little world, we have a date pencilled in for Saturday... so why would we need to be in contact beforehand.

He has made it perfectly clear that even though he is polyamorous he is emotionally shy (don't quite understand what he means by that) and only has feelings for his partner.... and he doesn't experience care or emotions like others.

I've said to him previously that l have care and affection for him ... not love... but he said he doesn't experience that and he just knows what people are to him by actions and what he desires about them. He says I'm a "friend who matters"

He sounds like an absolute tosser @NeedToAskPlease Emotionally shy, my arse.

Honesty shy more like.

@NeedToAskPlease he sounds like he has his own issues so it’s not you. It’s so hard though to not text.

the only way I can describe how I feel is it’s like a drug. You kind of need your fix. Except mine is even worse as it’s at work.

I have good days and bad days. He said he wanted to meet again but didn’t want to lead me on so I brushed it off and said he’s got the wrong end of the stick.

today he sent me a message which pissed me off but then phoned me to apologise and be all nice. feels Like he gives me just enough attention to keep wanting more.

i think i am going to say no next time he asks me though because i find it hard now and we haven’t met for a while so i know it will make me feel worse if i go there again.

@Vvmumofone ... he reminds me of breadcrumbs

https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness/index.html

@NeedToAskPlease 100% but feel he does it more because we work together and doesn’t want it to be awkward. I think if we didn’t work together I wouldn’t hear off him.

Feeling like I need this thread tonight.
Met the most wonderful man via Fab but it seems to have evolved to relationship status.
I’ve been clear all the way along I’m not in a position to date, I don’t want to date and kept him somewhat at arms length as a result but it became obvious last night he sees it as so much more.
I like him and at another time maybe it would be different, but now I have to have the it’s not you it’s me chat, and find a replacement. Why oh why do they have to catch the feels 🙄

@Isanyonereallyanonymous please could I ask what it is that means you're not prepared to consider more than just FWB with this person? I'm curious because i was happy to try that out with my guy but caught feelings. Trying to understand the perspective. Thanks

I’m ND and my mental health isn’t great, my last BF gaslit me and even though that ended 5 months ago, I’m still not over it, so it would be highly unfair of me to consider a relationship at this point in time.