Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sounds complicated @2anddone ! I agree that you need to think what YOU want rather than try to second guess him. I personally couldn't do a FWB situation I don't think. I don't think it necessarily means he's catching feelings, but he's certainly blurring the lines if all you actually want is a FWB.

I had a date last night with my second beardy guy. I'll call him Mr Italian. I had such a lovely time! Really fancied him. (Didn't always understand him, mind). We ended up going for dinner after drinks. A few kisses. He tried to get me back to his but I declined. And a second date set for Thursday. Another expensive date that he paid for! (I do feel slightly uncomfortable with this, as I'm not one of those women from Reddit who think that the man should pay for everything. But again, he picked really expensive places to go to and I couldn't have afforded to pay for half and he appears to be very wealthy (The wine in the restaurant was £120 a bottle). )

I think I would like it to progress to more...damn my commitment to not catching feelings and failing!!
It is messy but fun at the same time at the moment am going to have to sit down and have an actual proper grown up chat once he gets home aren't I!!

I guess it depends on what you want. I would want to see that person multiple times a week and also have one eye on the future. Possible relocation could be an issue with kids.

Yes I’m at a different stage where my son is an adult and it would be more about weekends for me

My days of seeing someone several times a week a long gone

The men on Bumble can send something to women via a new “send a compliment” button before matching

Yes, 'No drama' to me means 'I'm crap at communicating so will call everything that you may be upset about, drama, refuse to discuss it & then tell you that I don't want drama, whilst leaving trails of distruction behind me'.

I'd ideally like to see somebody 2/3 times a week but they don't need to be long dates... And it's easier said than done as my schedule doesn't seem to match up with any man. Ever.

HelenHywater Aww, Mr Italian sounds nice. It's hard when they are more wealthy isn't it, I've never been to a restaurant where the wine costs that much!

Dauntedbydating The free site I'm on, has recently started a 'No filters' rule on photos but before that about 80% of the men had those filters or the devil horns & Red eyes (I hate that one as I like to see a man's eyes!)

cassiatwenty Oh I hadn't heard of that, maybe it's that then!

SamW98 Good luck for later! Hopefully the sun comes out.

I havn't updated my Bumble so I suppose that I will notice the changes once it forces me to update!

@2anddone To be fair, I don't think it's your fault. I think it's almost impossible for two people who get on and are attracted to each other not to catch feelings. And really, if you can make it into something more long-term, why wouldn't you?

There’s an excellent podcast on this! About how we all tend to prioritise chemistry and attraction over actual compatibility

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6BWCfCX53gPIOnMqw37M8B?si=lCLAhbWAQMa6vFjTWb_XWg

@RosieAway Thank you, checking it out now

@SamW98 yes I've had those and they correspond to what @Dadjoke007 says. It does feel a bit intrusive because it goes into your messages but as he says, unless you respond it can't go any further and just expires.

Good luck for your date today!

Had to push date back - my area got a power cut ffs. I’ve got wet hair and no electricity

@NervesOfCotton ah yes. I am seeing more and more men with “no drama” on their profiles. Just shouts “I lack the emotional intelligence and maturity for a relationship.” Definitely an easy swerve!

I also get annoyed by the men who respond saying they want to chat and then don’t 🤦🏽‍♀️

In a new update MrTeacher called me and we are seeing each other on Tuesday after work.

That’s good! Lol.

Would you see him again?

@SamW98
Keep calm 🤗🤗

@cassiatwenty That sounds like my sort of date - the sleeping bit! 😂😂

Glad it went well.

I would agree with this after experiencing it with Mr Music - TWICE! If you’re catching feelings, may be best to tell him and take a step back if needed.

I’m fine thankfully he hasn’t left yet but he’s now said shall we video chat instead and long time peoples on here know that’s my worst nightmare

Had you matched with him or liked him, so then he matched and was able to comment?

Actually, thinking on, I was getting prompts for “if you like this profile, why don’t you send a comment?” - if it’s this then it’s more limited.

@RosieAway I just finished it. I really like it when he said if you don't like the (dating) culture, don't just go with it but model your own culture. Also interesting how he texted his gf and how she responded. Yeh, the transition from attraction to tenderness can feel a bit unusual.

@SamW98
I am with you on that one, don't do VC's

I took your advice & messaged him on Friday asking if he wanted to see each other this weekend. Got a one word reply 'yes'. I knew he was about to go out so I left it at that & expected a follow up but nothing so I guess I have my answer. Aaaarrrgh this dating game is so frustrating!!!

@Overthinkingeverythingallthetime
It’s hard work sometimes isn’t it. There is only so much chasing you can do.

Mr sensible has slowed down his messages but he is away and it’s a been a few weeks of messaging. He has messaged just less. We plan to meet next weekend. He sent me two messages at opposite ends of the day one saying he was seeing a family member all day but the previous one contradicted it and mentioned diy with someone else.

Then I overthink why did he tell me two different stories, is he really single? Etc
Does anyone else do this.
The apps give lots of people options maybe that’s what is weird about it….

I agree that very few people can keep feelings out of sex, damn the oxytocin 🙄😂

I'm one of the 'lucky' ones who can, I've done FWB's on and off for 6 years now.
My longest FWB situation has been 18 months.

If you have a grown up chat you need to be prepared for him to say he has no feelings and/or for things to end.

If either of you has feelings and the other doesn't the kindest thing to do is end it.

I've done FWB for quite a few years and part of that is messaging daily to see how they are etc.
I've never had proper feelings for any of them, I liked them and cared about them as I would with any friend but I never developed feelings for any of them.

Do you want a relationship with someone who is not long out of a long marriage and who's adult daughter is dictating their life?