Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RosieAway Not at all. He doesn't know you. He is still a stranger at this point. It's not like you know each other for 2 months so a bit of banter is okay with both.

And it's not funny or charming, more like a tad vulgar

I wonder if he speaks to his clients like that?

Course not! It’s the disrespect which seems to be a knock-on on dating sites.

Am tempted to reply that I don’t get it and can he please explain…

The free site that I'm on, tells you who has viewed your profile. You used to be able to click on anybodies photos & have a good nosey before deciding if you wanted to click on the profile... But you can't now.

RosieAway Personally, if all had been good up until that point, I'd probably give him another chance (but I would be on my guard as usually once there's one comment like that, others follow don't they!)

I remember talking to one (just once!) Who made a comment like that. I ignored it & answered the other thing that he'd said, & he never did make another comment like that, but it didn't work out for other reasons.

@RosieAway

Maybe going against the grain but that wouldn’t offend me at all. Its a tame attempt at humour imo that you inadvertently walked into so I’d let that comment go and carry on chatting normally if he made no attempt to use it to turn the conversation sexual

Interesting…. Perhaps I’m a bit po-faced, but the guys who I like and get on with IRL would never attempt such a “joke” so it’s put me off. I am over immaturity. But it’s good to have a broader perspective.

Have actually replied that I don’t understand and to please explain

So he’s come back saying he’s “trying to get another job tidying my neglected garden. I can’t help myself lol’”

Think that’s it for me now

I think you have to set your bar where you think is appropriate. I had a guy asking when I wanted his “bbc” recently which was a step to far a few sentences into a conversation. It also depends how I’m feeling to whether I think it’s funny. I’m in a place of avoiding sex pests right now!

Ewww.

Yes. Back in the day I’d have perhaps played along a bit. Not now. Anything real I’ve had has not degenerated into this, so not for me. Good to see I’m learning what I want!

Also, don’t know if it’s because it’s Tinder. Some friends had said it’s much better these days so after so-so Bumble and Hinge experiences I thought it was worth a shot, but perhaps is the same hook-up vibe as it’s known for

Have also given him a mild, good-natured telling off, which is probably OTT and has made me feel like a buttoned-up old school marm.

And poof, he’s deleted me

@RosieAway Now that's funny! 😅 It would be so nice to meet a buttoned-up old school gentleman. Sometimes it's good to be OTT, it's funny!

Immediately block anyone who can't finish a sentence without 'lol'.

So things have got a bit weird between me and Mr C! He text me yesterday saying he didn't want me to be worried but he was really ill and he couldn't stop being sick and feeling dizzy etc etc! I offered words of sympathy and said to see a Dr! Then checked in on him this morning... tumbleweed. Received no reply! Being naturally anxious I text this evening and said are you ok? He replied that he felt a bit better etc! No mention of how I'd been or anything!! I just replied with a thumb's up and have returned to the apps!!! I can't be dealing with this level of ridiculousness a month into seeing someone! It should be fun and exciting! Not like I'm looking after a sick cat!!! Sorry rant over! (And yes I probably do sound a bitch haha)

Oh that's rubbish, I really feel for you! So wasn't he originally quiet because of work and now sickness?

He owes you some sort of conversation about what's going on or real reassurance. Hope you're ok. Just remember you're not alone in this, we got you!!

@mumofoneanddone82 no relationship or situation should be leaving you feeling anxious or unsure about where you stand with the other person. I sympathise and know exactly why you've gone back to the apps...what a rollercoaster this OLD is!

Thanks @blacksocks33 your words are always so lovely! I'm actually ok about this, just feel a bit of a fool for falling for his words!!! Onwards and upwards 😂 did you join match?

@Starseeking totally! I think I was just anxious that something had happened to him because he was apparently so ill! It just feels weird and suspicious! Sounds weird, but almost like he's trying to get me to not like him!!

To me that is a reasonably crass comment, but inoffensive.
If you take offence, then you are not a match.

two people need to find out about each other, where the boundaries are etc which needs a bit of stumbling around.
If something is too far or offensive to someone, it might not be to someone else and that probably means that someone else is better matched

@mumofoneanddone82 there's only one fool in this situation and it's not you.
It's just hard to move on without any discussion or closure isn't it? It's like you don't expect an explanation, but a little part of you is holding out for it! At least that's how I seem to react anyway!!

I haven't joined match yet, I'm going to do it this weekend. I've just been having some less intense time on the apps this week. I don't seem to be generating any matches or conversations. The only two chats I've had this week is where both of the guys have not asked me a single question or show an ounce of interest in me....... so lazy! So they've been deleted!

@mumofoneanddone82 I seem to find when they bring out the 'I've been really sick' excuse, or 'I misplaced my phone for ages', its a lie and means they want out and haven't got the guts to say anything. Annoying but glad you got back out there.

I am dipping my toe back into OLD and have re-downloaded bumble and tinder. God help me 😂

I swear the selection of men is getting worse every time I use an app. Lots of men apparently separated from their wives yet still living with them, men who don’t know what they want in terms of dating, men who just can’t have a good conversation. It’s depressing.

I have matched with someone though and we’ve planned to meet next week. Not getting invested but he seems OK.

@Loopylooni yes!! Totally agree! Maybe I wouldn't have been so cynical, but if you're well enough to text me in detail how you're feeling. You're well enough to aak me how I am etc etc! We live and learn

At least you’ve dug out one! Just back on too and I’m not sure what to say about the likes I’ve received without sounding like a cow, but it’s a motley crew that wouldn’t look out of place in the Shameless brothel? Maybe that’s Tinder for you

@JH20000 yes the number of men separated but still living with their wives seems to be very common - this is what I've found in Europe too. I'm not fully divorced but living separately since last summer and hopefully divorced next month.

Good luck with your upcoming date!

My ex and I carried on living in same house for a year after we split but neither of us dated in that time as I think it’s just a really awkward situation.

Though the OLD brigade just presume as they’re still living with the ex then they’ll be ok to jump into your bed when it’s convenient

As a guy I am embarrassed about how many other guys act!