Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@VanillaSox yes I'm surprised I reached out to him too. And I never confided in my husband because he just couldn't empathise. While I was gathering the courage to divorce it was awful because I felt I couldn't confide in anyone, because of a sense of loyalty to my husband. But I was very pleasantly surprised by Mr B. Doesn't really change anything about our 'situationship' but it's good to know he's also not put off by emotional outbursts!

@Chocolatefreak @VanillaSox That's so interesting. I also never confide/am pretty guarded when it comes to my dates/irons. But as @VanillaSox mentioned, I also realised recently that being vulnerable is a pretty important component when forging relationships.

I do think it makes sense though because there is no point in having a relationship where you can't relax and always have to be strong. Still find it a lot easier to confide in girlfriends at the moment.

Hi I'm looking for some advice here from you lovely lot! I've been out of the dating game for a while but in January I decided to give it another go. Matched with a guy on Tinder. We get on great & have lots to talk about but......so far have only met for coffee. We both have busy lives & I've had a bereavement in this time so taking it slow is fine. But there's slow & there's slow! I've been single for a while & he left a short marriage a year ago so I'm wondering if we're just in different places. No other irons right now so do I just be patient & see where this goes or call it a day as I seem to be looking for more than him?. It's now a week since I've seen him although we have still been messaging. I'm thinking if he doesn't arrange a proper date this weekend it's a lost cause....

@Overthinkingeverythingallthetime I think it just depends - if you’re both happy with it the way it is then continue, if not, then have that conversation. I don’t like to make last minute plans with anyone, friends included, so I would assume that you’re not seeing him this weekend. How many times have you met? Who has asked who? There’s no right or wrong, you need to be comfortable with the communication and not settle for something that doesn’t work for you.

Hi all, can I ask for advice please? I have a date this evening. I think this guy is quite wealthy - he's being going out to very expensive restaurants and has suggested an expensive cocktail bar to meet. I do like a cocktail! And I would normally suggest splitting the bill. However, this is expensive! How do I tell him that I can't afford loads of cocktails and ideally get him to pay? I don't normally have a long first date, so probably only 2 or 3 cocktails (which is my limit anyway).

@Overthinkingeverythingallthetime I would contact him and see if he is free suggest something other than coffee that lasts longer. Maybe an activity. If you like him maybe make a bit more effort. Maybe he is going slow because you were. Some men need a push! If you don’t get much response you have your answer. Good luck!

@Overthinkingeverythingallthetime

So have you only met once for coffee or on several occasions?

Maybe just if he wants to meet for a drink or dinner. No harm in asking

So my date still on for Sunday. We agreed to pull the messaging back joking we’d have nothing to talk about when we met.
But still checking in daily - he’s messaged this morning just to say happy Friday looking forward to the weekend.

I’ve chosen a pub about 10 minutes from me that’s quite old and cosy. It’s very easy to find from M25 (which is where he’ll be coming from) so all looking promising.

Not got any real expectations but he’s a nice friendly guy so at very least we’ll have a nice afternoon chatting

@HelenHywater I would just say that it’s more expensive than your usual haunts, happy to go there but just for one, and then see what he says.

@SamW98 all sounds good, hope it goes well

This OLD lark is hard! Will be getting back into it soon after a few attempts last year. I really didnt get many hits or replies.

I am no Brad Pitt but am an average looking 50yo, lots of interests, looking for LTR and funny and chatty. Some nice pics with this as profile:

If you can make me laugh we are off to a good start. Food, travel and live music are 3 of my favourite things. Looking to chat, meet and go from there. Love shopping, cooking, photography, football, outdoors (bike, kayak), and pubs/beer as you can see from the pics (as 3 are me holding a pint when out)

Any tips on what to put in the profile

We've met for coffee 6 times?! Just feel like he's keeping his options open which is fair enough but if he's not feeling it I'd prefer he just said so. So, I've sent a message about this weekend so we'll see....Good luck to everyone for dates this weekend!

Honestly? I would probably have less than 3 pics of you holding beer and wouldn't draw attention to it in your profile. Some people might think that you are a heavy drinker from that and possibly stay clear....rest sounds great though!

It sounds nice @Dadjoke007

Your second paragraph sounds nice, so you might include being chatty as that makes you approachable. Dad jokes I like.

I wouldn't necessarily include 'If you can make me laugh...' because new people may not know exactly what makes you laugh or what your sense of humor is but other than that, it's fine!

@Dadjoke007 I personally don't like the "looking to chat, meet and go from there" because that to me is what dating is 🤷‍♀️ Agree on the beer/ alcohol comments, unless that's the type of woman you want (heavy drinker). Do you have pictures of your outdoor activities, full body picture (ideally that someone else has taken and not a messy bedroom pic)?

That did cross my mind! Probably average 6-8 drinks a week so not heavy

Good point -

I have at least one, maybe 2 full pics (taken when on holiday in front of historic buildings), one of be before a 10k, and the rest as mentioned with a beer! Plus one next to an aeroplane. I am into photography so the quality should be decent!

Will give OLD a try in a couple of weeks, have never really done it. Joined briefly for a couple of days in December and plenty of matches but honestly found the chat hard work and super boring …. lots of people asking if pineapple belongs on pizza or if I wanted to visit for the evening so they could give me a tour. Never met up with anyone as my circumstances changed.

I think perhaps because I’m not looking for a relationship at all, just casual meet ups and laughs … so said short term fun … I got 30 year olds with really poor and cheesy lines, complete turn off.
Because I have zero interest in a relationship I don’t want to invest too much time trawling through dull opening lines and chit chat.

Any tips? Presume cutting to the chase and being too forward as a female doesn’t go down well?

@Bettedaviseyes111 try Feeld for FWB

@Mountainormolehills thanks I’ll give it a try. Is Feeld creepy though? I know I sound fussy I’m just a bit of a novice unfortunately 😂

I’m unsure about the FWB concept, tried that last year but ended up in a half baked relationship … didn’t end well.

I just want no drama, no commitment, no feelings and no friendship etc.

@Bettedaviseyes111 yes, plenty of creeps and couples, but you can just ignore them.
I would suggest being very upfront on your profile about you want, so casual, no commitment but respectful, or whatever works for you.
I’m off all apps atm and just working on my friendships and me as a person but I did have some short term FWB from Feeld

@Bettedaviseyes111 Bumble also now has an option under what are you looking for something like intimacy without no commitments

@User990 thank you! I will give it a try … I tried Tinder last time and it was a bit much!

@Dadjoke007 nothing offensive in your profile, but, for instance, I don't swipe right on a guy who holds a beer in more than one picture, just feels like that's their main interest, whatever their actual claims are in the bio.

Also as a PP mentioned, meet, chat and go from there is what dating is, it doesn't need mentioning especially.

If you could make me laugh is kind of good but also true that it puts the pressure on, for me it's also one of the main criteria in whether I'd be able to develop chemistry, a potential relationship wouldn't work for me without lots of laughter, but I wouldn't ask for it outright, usually it becomes obvious if you give it enough time (people are sometimes a bit shy initially).

For me however the guy I ended up seriously liking, his profile really really stood out and made me laugh out loud it was so different from everyone else's and so refreshing and spoke straight to me. It probably filtered out a lot of women but attracted exactly the right woman for him...so if it doesn't work out with him if I go back on Bumble I know I don't even want to look at any "average" profile.

However when I first joined (in February) my own profile was fairly average...I probably changed the bio about 7 times once I got more experienced on the app and realised more what worked and what I wanted and who I wanted to put off and who I wanted to attract. :)

@RadiantRainbow what really made you laugh about your partner's profile? I see so few decent ones!