Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NervesOfCotton

I always think ‘no drama’ means - doesn’t say a word about my crappy behaviour and lets me get away with acting like a twat. If she dares call me out I’ll accuse her of creating drama and nagging.

@SamW98 it's a recent change! Have you chosen an opening move, I'm not sure if you have to have it chosen or can guys message first even without it.

Just looked at my profile and no I haven’t chosen an opening move.

Its actually a comment on one of my photos - the one showing a bit of cleavage surprise surprise 🤣

@SamW98 there's quite few changes in bumble, more prompts, selection of details... the fact that men can message first is quite a fundamental one though. I don't believe all men have realised it yet 🤔 (or they want to continue women reaching out first)

I had a very nice (NO DRAMA!!!!! ) date with Mr U. Fri night. He is very into spirituality and mindfulness and conscious living. I know it's a bit Wooo-Woo but I prefer that to watching Sky Sports. I was actually very interested in learning more about it cos I thought this 'stress-reduction' could be beneficial.

He then said how he had an evening planned for us (around 10 PM) and at that point I felt so relaxed/sleepy. I asked him "Can I go home now and get some rest, I promise we'll have another date." and he said yeah of course. I came back, and I had such good rest FRI to SAT that I haven't in weeks.

So yeh, dunno if this is report-worthy but I noticed when I feel safe and comfortable around someone I'm able to relax.

The only thing that comes to mind is Von dutch by Charlie XCX @NervesOfCotton

Maybe he's really irritated by people putting that song's lyrics on their profile? Who knows...

Sounds fab @cassiatwenty nice to leave feeling relaxed and not like it's a waste of time!
Question...my Mr IRL who I have now been in a situationship with for a month but only meet once or twice a week for an hour or two (for sex no dating... to fill in any newbies to this thread we can't go anywhere as he is too scared to be spotted as his daughters, in their twenties, announced to their mum they would disown her if they found out she left for another man so he has decided that also means him even though it was 7 months ago!) is currently in a lads fishing holiday abroad. He has messaged every day telling me he wishes I was there and we need to get away soon....do we think he is starting to catch feelings?? I am trying hard not to but it's getting harder!!

Ooh I don’t like that change from Bumble I liked the fact that men couldn’t send unsolicited messages.

@2anddone Thank you, yeah dating is stressful so nice to be able to just be there without having to try and impress

Yeah I think it's a possibility Mr IRL caught feelings. You two get on, you are compatible in many ways, and he hasn't made things complicated. A lot of men go abroad with their gang and forget about women but the fact he is thinking of you even whilst on his trip is a green flag I'd say. Certainly not bad news!

I think it sounds like you are in an FWB situation and he likes the messaging part as well as the sex. I think you are a great ego boost after a long marriage.

He may be getting the feels but how can you be anything more than what you are as all of this is done in secret....its not a great start to anything.

Have you had a chat about what you are?
Maybe that's needed before someone gets hurt.

Has Bumble really implemented changes of men being able to message first, too? I don't mind messaging first once in a while but the fact I had to do it on Bumble made me loathe it.

@2anddone does he still love his ex-wife? It sounds complicated/ weird, secrecy around his adult kids. Unless you're out in public, I'd say it's FB (or FWB). Nothing wrong with it, if that's what you both want!

Sadly, the women on Bumble & Twitter seem to be as equally dismal as the guys!
Matches who don't reply or who send a Hi, or a waving hand!
FFS! How much more low effort can you go?

Loads of minimal info in profiles, photos of groups of people but no idea which belongs to the author, or, a pet hate, is grown women with kitten features and whiskers or "cute" plastered all over their faces....
Even came across a profile with a woman holding a fish!!
No bare chested photos yet....we can only hope!
Plently of unsmiling selfies and close up faces and clearly antique photos...profile says 52 years old includes photo of birthday bash with "I am 40" badge...🙄

Lots of matches seem to wait for me to reply or send a minimalist message, many on bumble they expire.
I find it irritating to send a considered message relating to their profile and getting a banal unrelated couple of words back.
I have started "nexting" those.

It most certainly is not just the men who can't/don't write complete sentences...let alone pragraphs.
I guess that it is all part of the filtering process!

I certainly hadn't.
Bumble keeps playing up and I get a blank screen, have to clear the cashe and relog in....hardly worth the bother!

@2anddone he may be getting some feelings or he may just be trying to ensure the two of you stay in touch while he’s away.

More importantly what do you want …. FWB or a relationship? If you only want FWB no commitment and do feel like he’s getting feelings you should bin him off now to save him any heartache further down the line.

@Dauntedbydating I had to update the app and then the changes came shortly after.

@SamW98 and @HelenHywater I had this last week. The guy is responding to a prompt on your profile. Must have been part of the updates following the feedback they asked for.

I would say so. He's obviously thinking about you alot and not able to switch off.

I think you need to try and figure out where you want it to go. Admitting you might want the same isn't defeat (I know you didn't want that to begin with!), but if feelings are starting you need to try and figure out if that's where you want it to go?

This one not responding to a prompt he’s connected on a photo

Im gonna have a rethink as I liked Bumble because I couldn’t get messages from men first. And after some of the messages I’ve had you can all understand why 🤣

Well I’m due to go on a date this afternoon - just waiting to hear back from him.

As of 11pm last night we’d agreed a time and venue so just hoping rain doesn’t stop play 😊

It is a compliment. You can buy them and then when I like a pic you can add a note. But if you do not like and reply back I can’t go any further

I don’t think it’s a new thing on bumble, men have always been able to comment on a photo (I think they might have to be on the paid version though). I got a couple of them when I was on there a year ago. If you ignore they can’t engage any further. It did make me think it goes against the whole point of woman avoiding unsolicited messages though 🤷‍♀️

Why oh why do women like me who are 60 miles away? Surely anything more than 20 miles is too far? Obviously that depends on location. In London 5 miles is probably enough, in the highlands maybe 60 miles. But not Cambridge.

Men could always put a compliment on a photo but unless you paid it went into your ‘people who like you’ bit and not straight into your messages. Well that’s how it worked on mine.

Distance doesn’t bother some people. I’ve got my settings as up to 50 miles but but would depend on what direction for me.

Im in Essex and I’ve dated people from Suffolk and Kent. Up to an hours drive is fine for me.