The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

If he really regretted his decision by now, he'd be on the text/phone saying exactly that.
You haven't shut the door because you haven't blocked him.

No reply is a reply.

If he does not want you why would you entertain his lame "how are you?

A text like this means the following..

I am bored
I want sex
I wanted to check why I have not had any "beg me to come back" text
I feel that this is all you deserve for now as going by your place, acting like a grown up, and wanting to be back in your life, is too much, this will therefor do
Tinder potentials are busy

I dont know, if he really wanted you in his life, he would have made sure that this was obvious, a text like "how are you, is meant to confuse you as he is probably worried that you did not beg him, worries you may find someone better, etc

You probably do know that you do deserve better and he knows this too

This 🖕or he's had the disappointing one night stand he wanted and now he's back to you again. You deserve better. You are better.

Oh for goodness sake !

Please don't be desperate, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

He finished with you.

IF he wants you back HE can turn up on your doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers that he can find, and that's just for a start.

Not a couple of casual non committal texts !!!

HE'S SENT ANOTHER MESSAGE!!!!

OP, with kindness, I can hear the excitement in your voice with this post alone. While you've said you want to move on, instead of closing the jar, your text has actually opened it slightly and left it ajar, and he'll soon be worming his way back in.

You've had some great advice here, and not taken it, so hopefully you have some supportive friends and family around you for the next time this happens, as you will need them.

I think we all knew op was going to reply from the off.

I knew I was gonna get flamed for that. 😥

I've not replied to his response, and don't intend to. I'm not letting him walk back into my life and 'the game isn't up'. My weakness is not inevitable. I was just trying to clarify why I haven't blocked him.

You've got it bad, havn't you.

I'm hesitant to completely shut the door. My gut tells me he might be grappling with doubts about his decision and too much of a coward to outrightly say it
Thats not real though is it, unless he outright says so, its wishful thinking, you are telling yourself a story.

I’m sorry, but you’re trying to justify why you haven’t blocked him.

You’re kidding yourself

Why are you worried that he will think you have moved on?

ha ha. He’s a man, their as shallow as a puddle on a hot day.

If he saw a future with you you’d be engaged by now.

He's clutching at straws here..wants to see the animal one more time😂😂pathetic fucker.hopefully he can channel his inner Dr Dolittle so the animal can tell him to fuck off.

He's got you dangling on a string

Am I being delusional?

Yes. For this kind of man, this drop you and pick you up again type of game is just sport.

Yes, he’s tried to pull and can’t or had a disappointing fling like another PP said.

And like another has said you’ve become a challenge again for him now, moving from comfortable un-exciting GF to newly assertive stronger woman he wants to hook up with or at least use to stroke his ego. It’s awful. If you got back together he would be looking for greener grass again before long and the cycle would repeat itself ad nauseum.

It’s your decision OP. He’s got to prove himself beyond a few messages. Remember how shit you felt when he ended it. It’s his turn and he wants you to stop him feeling shit and he’ll drop you again however long further down the road.

For goodness sake- the animal is none of his business now, YOU are none of his business now. If he wanted you back he’d say it. Even if he is toying with the idea- is that what you want, a partner who’s weighing things up and being vague in the meantime? You clearly want to encourage him to keep messaging.

I’d 100% reply and say good thanks you?

Act like you’re fine. Get into a conversation about how much better you feel. He sees you doing well and happy, he’s going to want to reconcile

It’s your life and your choice OP, don’t be too influenced by a load of MN strangers who obviously won’t get all the nuances

He ended your 3 year relationship, but wasn't abusive etc. I don't see the need to block him either. You love him, and I'm so sorry this has happened.

If a man ends it with a woman, you don't take them back.

They are different creatures to women and to be dumped means they thought very little of you.

When a woman dumps a man, often it is the assert boundaries or shock the male into improving his behaviour, men don't do this.

They end it because they feel superior and think you were not good enough for them.

When you get back with them, you are the the consolation prize waiting to be hurt again.

@PiningPenelope Well done on keeping it short and polite. I'm actually very surprised at the amount of judgemental and hectoring replies to you saying you've sent one word. I think people forget that to be supportive and to offer advice doesn't mean your advice is right or that the poster absolutely has to follow it.
Trust your own judgement, and remember each day of moving on will feel better than the last.

He’s not the one. When you meet the right person, these negative interactions are not a thing. Just block him and move on.

@PiningPenelope I didn't block (completely different reason) but if they were not contacting me I knew they were not contacting me.

OP - don’t invest your time, energy and emotions in people who don’t invest in you.
You said: ‘I wanted to work things through’. He DIDN’T say: ‘let’s work through this together, I value you and our relationship, it saddens me it’s not working, what can I do to improve things?’ He decided to end the relationship. By doing so, he put himself in your past. He had the right to make such decision but he now should be treated accordingly, as a visitor from the past.
So wish him all the best and say that you are busy focusing on yourself and people still consistently present in your life.