The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

You will feel better one day, I promise you. I actually felt like my heart was physically breaking after my first big break up and I remember asking a friend the same question "How long will it take for me to not feel this way anymore?". It's horrible for the first few months. I have been the person who felt lonely even when surrounded by friends and family. It's a massive cliché but time really is a healer, trust me on that.

There is a whole world out there full of some really great people and as time goes on you will meet more and more of them, and your ex will become a distant memory from an old chapter of your life.

I thought after years! But in your case he's hoping to string you along until he meets someone else. Just do not engage.

@PiningPenelope how are you doing?

I'm 2 weeks post breakup and have stopped crying but still feel lost and think about him loads! I think about him with someone else which really hurts. Why do I do it to myself?

I don't understand what it means when people say they feel lost. It conjures images of not having any kind of independent life before the guy came along.

@TheAverageJoanne I have zero self worth as now been cheated on badly twice. I'm not in a great place with my self confidence. Hate the fact I need someone in my life to make me happy. I never used to be like this!!

@Orchidlie22 I'm doing ok to be honest! It hurts, but it's more like a dull ache now than a stab in the heart. I've been focused on eating well, sleeping well, concentrating on my business, and I've actually decided I'm going to write a book so have been throwing myself into that.

I downloaded Hinge and got over 200 likes in the first 24 hours so that gave my ego a much needed boost! I have no intention of actually dating or meeting anyone and I'll actually probably delete it in the next few days. But it's helped me see, wow, there's plenty of other fish in the sea... And they're not all coke-sniffing, ketamin-taking, emotionally stinted alcoholics.

I've been listening to The Mindset Mentor, Diary Of A CEO and Matthew Hussey stuff about loving yourself first.

It's really helping. All of it. I've realised I've been selling myself short, my esteem has been on the floor, and my ex was NOT someone who could meet my needs.

I unfollowed and unfriended him on all socials. And he stopped trying to reaching out. This stung at first as it confirmed that all his breadcrumbs were really just breadcrumbs. But I'm also so glad I'm past that point and out the other side now.

Keep going! Tell yourself your strong, kind, beautiful - because you are. That's what I'm doing.

Another good podcast you could try is: It's not you, it's them... but it might be you!

LaLa is lovely sounding and has great, balanced advice on dating and relationships generally.

You're fucking amazing OP x

Matthew Hussey is sound
I also like D.Shen and his wife Renee Wade

@PiningPenelope you sound amazing! I need to be more like you!

Oh OP you poor thing. I feel so sorry for you. Heartbreak is the worst but it passes. You are doing so well to have ignored him.

All the other stuff you're doing is great. I'd delete hinge personally but flirt briefly with every man I interacted out and about for the fleeting fun and no hassle.

One thing I didn't notice on your list is exercise. Great for an endorphin rush and the side effect of getting fit and in better shape can't hurt.

@Ohnodontwantthiscrush
Thanks for your reply! I've always been super active to be honest - the first thing I did after he dumped me was hit the gym! I have signed up for some fell runs and a tough mudder since the dump too 😂

Well done you. Do you have a fitness / accountability buddy? Feel free to pm me if not.

OMG! LADIES!

After ten days of radio silence....

...guess what comes again.

The SAME damn text. 'Hows it going?'

And annoyingly I saw it and was so shocked / taken off guard I immediately threw up. Dramatic I know! 😂

What a loser. Do not respond. Have a great laugh.

Listen to your body. There’s a reason why hearing from him repels you. Your body is saying that this man is toxic and harmful to you.

That’s great you’re writing a book, OP. creative expression can be so helpful in moving forward in a healthy way.

I would say though re. hinge there are far too many people on dating apps for validation and it’s honestly not a good idea. You can sometimes get a bit of a temporary ego boost but once you wade through the likes or matches or start chats with them you find a lot of them are clearly married, in relationships, purely after sex or highly dysfunctional in other ways . And I’m sure there’s many men on there just like your ex unfortunately.

I say all this just to say - stick to more solid ways of boosting your self esteem that’s not wrapped up in likes or an app or even male validation at all.

So block him! Honestly, I said this weeks ago. You are spinning this out now, do you want the drama? It’s really bad for your body to keep experiencing these stress responses and it postpones you moving on as you’re still thinking of him and waiting for the texts. Remove the control from him and look forwards not backwards.

@Candleabra I did block him! On socials and on WhatsApp! I didn't even think of text as he's literally never text me once in his life. He's always used WhatsApp.

Hence why I was taken so off guard. 😂

Right, block his texts then. Are you looking for a way to let him contact you?

Ok though it’s weird you didn’t think to use your phone to block him from …. contacting you by phone. Don’t spin this out or use him contacting you as an ego boost. Just move on.

Just a simple reply- please don’t contact me anymore. No apology or explanation needed. Then repeat if he replies. He will get the message.

I'm still at the stage I wish my ex messaged me. Hoping it'll pass soon x

Google Man translator: “Hey, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you and I’m intrigued as to why. I don’t know if you’re a)!happily moving on, b) shagging the milkman or c) crying yourself drunk at night and it’s all eating me alive”.

Please Tell me it’s C because my ego needs that.

I hate it when men break up with you then don't let you move on! Stay strong.