Husband touching me in my sleep

[donnelly2021]

Hi,
I woke up last night to my H giving me oral sex with his fingers inside me. When I woke up he said he was sorry (he tried to carry on and I was drifting in and out of sleep before waking) and he thought I was awake when I clearly was not...We haven't had a very good sex life recently so maybe it's my own fault for not just giving in (I usually put up and shut up about the pain and just deal with it for an easier life) - we've had many discussions regarding sex and that I felt like a sex doll as intimacy was the only time I received any type of attention from him however due to my health I'm in pain from any sort of sexual act (going through tests with the dr) and he is aware of this...
This isn't the first time this has happened in the last couple of months, it is the 3rd time the other two times I woke to him inside me (having intercourse with me) and the 2nd I woke up before he could enter.
What do I do because I'm scared to say out loud to him what I think it is but he is fully awake so it's not in his sleep...but we have a family and already going through some issues and I really don't need it what to do...

we "own" each other and he should - as should I - be able to wake the other person by doing sexual acts because we are each others possession basically...

😡

If you asked him to leave would he go? I'd honestly start divorce proceedings and start sleeping on the sofa. You'll never be safe around him.

Hi OP. If you go to the police as he is a danger to you (and possibly to DC as well), surely he will have to leave the home. It is only right that you and DC stay safely in your own home and he leaves. Maybe someone on here can confirm that this is what happens.
Is he by any chance religious? Same question toSocks1107. I ask because certain religious men believe that a wife has no right to say no, Yes, its sickening but still being preached in the US in particular, and possibly in some wacko churches or cults here. Reject this for the evil that it is.
I do hope you are OK.

My husband has been doing the same to me since I was 17 years old I'm now 38 years old and no matter how I tell him how I hate what his doing and I feel he doesn't care. He first used to tell me that this was normal men do this I was young and dumb and I believed him.
No matter how many ways I tell him I hate it he continues, I call him names he used to say sorry and that he won't do it again but he still continues. I feel that I have low self-esteem to let someone do this to me.

It's sexual abuse not your fault at all he's groomed a young girl into thinking it's acceptable it's not.

@Vbeauty
This, my lovely, is, quite simply, abuse. It is regular rape and sexual assault. You were 17 when he started this and that is what is now called grooming.
I suspect that this isn't the only type of abuse that you're suffering but in order to get proper advice and direction on here then you need to start your own thread as you've probably given the OP a bit of a jolt this morning.
Please take a look at Women's Aid or Rights of Women or your local help to see how you can be helped - your 'man' is an abuser and you deserve better whether you think it or not x

@vbeauty, every time he does this he is sexually assaulting you, which is a crime.
If he forces sex on you it is rape.
Be clear on the language.

Please contact Women's aid and tell the explicitly what is going on.
He is committing a crime, every time he does that.
Please tell Women's aid the truth.
Tell your GP the truth.
This is not normal.
All men do not do this.

@Rh5476 This is an old thread, from more than a year ago. Before posting it's advisable to read more than the first post, and to look at the date.

OLD THREAD

The op wrote this

"then it wouldn't have been a problem as we "own" each other and he should - as should I - be able to wake the other person by doing sexual acts because we are each others possession basically..."

Her husband sees her as a possession to take whenever he feels no matter how the op feels. She is in pain during sex, with cysts on her ovaries. Frankly, it is not for the person, in this case her husband, to decide if what he is doing is rape or not, it is the op. She feels used, like a sex toy. Sex is for mutual benefit to show and express love for each other. Sadly, I feel that there are probably more incidents of him having sex with her aka rape, when she is still asleep due to her narcolepsy

Also, some women genuinely do not realise that what is happening to them is rape. Same as some women don't realise what is happening to them in a relationship is coercion or abuse, and it isn't until it is talked about that they then realise this isn't the way to live. It is not wokeness to let them know.

I have read through ops posts several times now and can't see anything you allude to your edited post.

Do you not understand the word consent? That if you’re unable to give it for whatever reason, it is rape.

It's rape, you Did Not Consent, leave him, or he'll continue to abuse you and it could get worse. Tell someone.

Same situation here with my boyfriend

@DoneGirl23 please try to remove yourself from this situation and report to the police

It’s rape. I’m so sorry.
I went through the same and I also had two little children, I did leave and I did divorce him. I never reported him, I thought no one would ever believe me

Sorry op, Your husband is raping you. You need to divorce him. And you should report the rape to the police. At least make sure to tell your gp your husband is raping you in your sleep, because this is important information if you are being tested for painful sex and pain in that area.

delete