Husband touching me in my sleep

[donnelly2021]

Hi,
I woke up last night to my H giving me oral sex with his fingers inside me. When I woke up he said he was sorry (he tried to carry on and I was drifting in and out of sleep before waking) and he thought I was awake when I clearly was not...We haven't had a very good sex life recently so maybe it's my own fault for not just giving in (I usually put up and shut up about the pain and just deal with it for an easier life) - we've had many discussions regarding sex and that I felt like a sex doll as intimacy was the only time I received any type of attention from him however due to my health I'm in pain from any sort of sexual act (going through tests with the dr) and he is aware of this...
This isn't the first time this has happened in the last couple of months, it is the 3rd time the other two times I woke to him inside me (having intercourse with me) and the 2nd I woke up before he could enter.
What do I do because I'm scared to say out loud to him what I think it is but he is fully awake so it's not in his sleep...but we have a family and already going through some issues and I really don't need it what to do...

I'm so sorry this has happened...it happened to me too...it non consensual sex ...therefore rape....please .... please tell him if it happens again you will leave/report to the police.

I lived with a boyfriend who would do this night after night and it got to the point I was terrified to sleep in case I woke up with him inside me...it will wreck your mental health and ability to trust...if you are not strong enough to leave just yet, contact woman's aid or similar...get some perspective and help.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01J5TWHUW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
If you want to be able to sleep safely and don't have a lockable bedroom door you could consider something like this to wedge up against the door and keep him out.
Leaving him would be a better idea though.

Stop making excuses. He has sexually abused you. Nothing else needs to be said. You need to act instead of burying your head in the sand. If you don't act he will do it again and again and again.

You’re right. I knew that about hospitals, especially mental health facilities. I forgot. It’s hard in the soul to keep in mind all the vile things those men do.

Are their colleagues really oblivious? We notice creepy men everywhere else.

OP, I am so sorry this is happening to you.
It's not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. It's him. That may be hard to process but he is an abuser. Please find help and support and do not blame yourself in anyway. He will try to make excuses but there are none.

This is really concerning OP.

@donnelly2021 "maybe it's my own fault for not just giving in (I usually put up and shut up about the pain and just deal with it for an easier life) - we've had many discussions regarding sex and that I felt like a sex doll as intimacy was the only time I received any type of attention from him however due to my health I'm in pain from any sort of sexual act (going through tests with the dr) and he is aware of this..."

He's abusing you and raping you and he knows it. He's gaslighting you and he knows it.

He doesn't love you but he definitely loves himself. A man who loves you wouldn't inflict pain on you for his own gratification.

So you have to choose whether to stay with a rapist who has no concern for you whatsoever or to escape from this life of abuse, however difficult that might be.

Others have provided links of organisations that will help you and I know the MN community will also support you.

Please tell your doctor about the 'narcolepsy' and the rapes and maybe ask for blood tests to find out if you've been drugged.

Take care. You deserve better than this.💐

He knew you were asleep OP. He is a disgrace and a rapist. U deserve better. Even if ur sex life gas not been on top form, he does not have the right to do this.

I second the poster who said contact the rape crisis helpline. I just had an online chat with one lady and she was lovely and very kind to me.

He is a vile horrible man and a rapist. Please take steps to leave him.

As others have said - this is rape. Am so sorry. Hope you have someone IRL to give you a hug and support you as you decide how to proceed.

I’m sorry but you are in a domestically abusive relationship. He is emotionally and sexually abusing you, as well as gaslighting you. You know it’s not right, he knows it’s not right but will try to make you doubt yourself.
Your relationship won’t get better, you can’t trust him and the children will be affected by the relationship. Even if you think you hide it well, they will know and see things such as no one argues with Dad or he gets upset, or even worse he tried to manipulate them too.
Talk to women's aid, they are not only there to help people leave relationships but to be able to process things, they will listen and can give advice and support as needed

I am sure you know that you are being raped and it wasn't a one off , mistaken situation where he mistook you for being awake as it has happened several times.

That is awful and you should absolutely leave him.

It is is also worth considering if you are being drugged to keep you asleep and whether your children are safe ?

@donnelly2021 . Intentionally DETATCH enough to look at it- IF you woke to ANYONE else doing these things ,what would you term it as?

He has to go. You are being sexually abused by him. None of this is your fault, this is all on him. There is lots of help available to you. Please don't put up with this, you deserve so much better.

I just can’t get over how selfish some men can be.
If penetration hurts, just don’t do it. He is abusing you. I’d ditch the bastard asap

You sound really scared to even raise it with him which suggests he is emotionally and verbally abusive to you also.

You don’t sound like you are able to report it at the moment as you are probably in survival mode. But you wont always be and you might want to report it in the future. So with that in mind, when you talk to him about this you should record it. You should also tell your gp and someone like women's aid.

Thankyou again everyone...
I was going to try and have a conversation with him this evening once the kids were in bed but he has had a drink now and I don't think this is the kind of conversation to have when drink is involved (I don't drink by the way)
So I will look to approach it over the weekend
X

Please have someone with you.

Why?

Probably because if he's prepared to rape her then his moral compass is canny broken and who knows what he'll do next.

So, overnight a hubby of xxxx years turns to a rapist and a wife beater?

Why would OP want someone there to discuss something like this?
Who would you suggest she had there???

Keep it real FGS

OP is not stupid and she will know what her husband is like ie if he is a wife beater etc.

No I don't think OP is stupid. You, however...

Yeah "hubby" became a rapist the moment he raped her.

Please keep the crass comments to yourself.

Why do you feel the OP needs to have someone with her?

By all accounts they been married for years have kids and OP from the posts I've read indicate nothing about physical;/verble abuse

She needs someone with her, even in the other room, because when she tells him what he has done and how she feels he might become a threat.

I'd have thought it was obvious..