Partner’s attitude towards my Daughter

[Dominic1990]

Hi,

I posted before about another issue, the reason for me coming here to get peoples view as I like to know it I’m right in how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking and I do not want to speak to friends/family about issues and they judge my gf. I am not sure if I am being unreasonable or being too protective of my daughter, as when I raise as issue I’m being made to feel in the write and have started to think maybe I am.

i have 9 yo daughter I was with her mother for 12 years and we have a very good co parent relationship. me and my gf have a son who will be 1 next week on Friday on Thursday me and his mum are going to take him out together to the zoo and on the Saturday we have a get together with some her family and on his actual birthday I said about having my daughter and she is saying no As it should just be us as a family and should be all about our son, I did reinform her my daughter is part of my family. And I stated we have Thursday together when we go out to the zoo, however this doesn’t matter as it’s not his actual birthday,

Please let me know what you would do In this position or if you have been on her position and understand.

Anyone who gets into a relationship and has a baby with someone who does not accept their previous child is a absolute dick - male or female.

Anyone who then goes on a simpers about how their previous child is being mistreated while it goes on and on while that child gets more withdrawn, rather than face up to the situation that they caused is a dick.

I wonder if the OP Would be so spineless if it was the daughters mum who had got a new partner who was mistreating his child and trying to force them out of the family as it didn't suit him. Pretty sure he would find his voice then to call out the mother.

🛎️🚨⛳ Rethink this situation, does she have any MH troubles following the birth or was she always like this. Of course your child should be part of the family as the sister. If this is unusual for GF I'd maybe try to spend some special time with the baby and her to boost her feeling of emotional security with the long term view of your other child being involved too. She could be having difficulties from her own parents and family triggered by birth and is unsure of her skills as a mother. It's easy to look at the other mother and feel inadequate and perhaps she needs to feel you think she's doing a great job etc as she transitions to a new role and family type. That's being kind, I wouldn't accept my DC being pushed out long term.

You are absolutely right. Your dd should of course be included wherever possible.

this was my immediate thought but due to ops shift work he has 4 days off. 2 he has set aside for partner and baby for just them as a 3. The other two, one the actual birthday gf is refusing the sc to come so op would not see his daughter that week as his off days are dedicated to baby and gf if gf gets her way.

You both should have asked daughter if she wanted to join son’s birthday. Shes an age where she can decide.
Really unfair your partner didn’t even consider your daughter
Every birthday/ day out I always always ask husband if he wants to bring daughter.

Stand your ground. Don't ask her. Tell her it is YOUR son and your DD is HIS sister and she WILL be coming.
She has to get used to DD and ex being part of her family
You BOTH chose to have a child that would always become DDs sibling

@Italianita not sure why you're referencing me?! I didn't indicate there was any excuse for 'mistreating a child', thank you.

Your girlfriend is an insecure, immature, jealous bitch.

She has everyday with him and son, alone without the daughter. Birthdays are usually family occasions. The daughter is the child’s sister.
Are you in a similar position to the OP’s partner?

I feel very sorry for your daughter. I mean I understand that most stepparents don't love a stepchild the way they love their own child. But your partner sounds awful and I don't think she is going to change.

Your GF should’ve recognised that when she had a relationship with you with you came as a package, you and your DD.

Your other child part of the family. Your other half is being selfish.

You need to keep this woman away from your daughter. She sounds like the typical evil step mother and you are being wildly manipulated.

Being a step kid is difficult even when all the adults care about you, it’s fucking horrid when your step parent resents your existence.

@Dominic1990 I get that it is hard but I agree with others that you need to leave for BOTH your children's sakes.

Your daughter is already suffering and things will only get worse. Your GF clearly has no thoughts at all for your daughter and her relationship with you

Your son will also be damaged as he grows when he becomes aware that his Mother doesn't like his half-sibling and that he's 'the favourite'

If you split up you may not see either of your children as much as you would like to, but on balance they will both be better off than you continuing to live with the GF.

How often does your little girl stay with you? Presumably if you split with the GF you will also get a custody arrangement sorted for him

She’s jealous of your ex and jealous of your DD. You’re going to have a lifetime of this I’m afraid.

You are right. She sounds awful. Your poor DD (and you). I couldn't be with someone like that. She's not a nice person.

You have bluntly two options.

Stay with your girlfriend and lose your daughter
Leave your girlfriend and try to have the best relationship you can with both of your children.

There is no changing this women. You’ve split once and then went back and she changed just enough for long enough that you now feel bad to leave again. She wants your daughter out of the picture and forgotten about.

Your daughter is suffering and becoming withdrawn and your still going oh but but but.

Either step up and be a proper dad to both of your children or break her heart now rather than slowly destroying her via your girlfriends behaviour.

Any thoughts @Dominic1990 on how you'll stop damaging your kid?

In answer to your question, I am happy to share my bile, because you are obviously writing your own script (and not very well, I might add). If you can read, you will have seen that nowhere do I say he should 'walk away from this one and be part time dad to two families' - so do point this out, even though you won't be able to. 😂

I stand by what I said - the OP's partner's attitude is nothing new, and before bringing another child into a new relationship it might be supposed he would be concerned about his girlfriend's attitude towards the child he already has, but it appears not. Also, if he's posted about this before, it begs the question what, exactly, is he DOING about the situation, because it obviously isn't going anywhere and he seems to just want to give us the "woe is me". Meanwhile, he needs to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about the little girl, who will be increasingly aware of the situation - and if you think she isn't then you are naïve. Do you think that's a good situation - because if you do, then my mind boggles. What I said still applies - and you frothing over it will make no difference.

Don't you have set days with your daughter? She should absolutely be included in celebrations for her brother

I am in my forties and from the age of 9 I was in your daughters position. Unfortunately my parent didn't manage the situation and it has impacted me throughout my life. Even as an adult I feel incredibly angry about how anyone could let their child be treated as an inconvenience (at best).
I went NC for several years to try to heal. Protect your daughter as she will absolutely know how your gf feels.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum he answered that upthread.

Her attitude stinks and she is trying to relegate your daughter, who let us not forget is still a child. Your daughter’s rightful place is with her family. If your gf makes it into a choice between her or your daughter, then choose - and there is only one choice.