A true definition of 'single' and why it kicks ass

[Stratos72]

Capital 'S' 'Single' should be defined as a state in which you're not a) still pining for an ex, b) pining for a particular crush, or c) pining for a relationship generally.

Because let me tell you, it feels fantastic. It feels like what human adulthood is actually meant for.

Nature doesn't give a flying fuck whether you're happy, it only cares that you reproduce. That's why it curses you with overwhelming lust, jealousies, you name it.

And that's why you wake up one morning and your life has become nothing other than a series of reactions and obligations - some of which might be irreversible.

That's why you can intellectually know someone isn't worth your time, doesn't respect you, whatever - yet your 'heart' still leaps when they text.

Nature just wants those damn babies.

Next time you break up, I recommend NOT looking to someone else to fill the void AND until you're truly, undeniably, non-negotiably OVER your ex - if only just to experience the feeling of emancipation and freedom for a while.

You can always get back to the drama then if you want. But at least you'll be doing it with your eyes open.

As said previously, I am single.

If I wasn't on here, where else would I go?

Decentering men and relationships is something I've heard a fair bit. It's weird how out of balance life can get when a romantic relationship is the sole focus or the centre.

My last relationship ended because even though he was almost made for me in so many ways and is a good man and friend, I still had to shrink myself and prioritise him to make it work.

This is an interesting statement over40, can you elaborate anymore on this?

@pardonwhat4637 on paper we are a match made in heaven and as friends we still get on well as we are very similar in many ways, have shared interests and values etc.

But he was used to being the one pandered to in romantic relationships - his preferences took precedence and any compromise was minimal or very short lived.
Thought and effort on dates and special occasions was left to me and would have to be tailored to him or he’d have a face on and then blame being ND for being an arse.
I bought that excuse for a while but realised he was essentially just complacent and entitled.

My social life took a battering as he didn’t like socialising more than a couple of times a year and even things like singing along to the radio or talking on the phone when we were in the same house had stopped because he would comment on how loud and distracting I was, sometimes in my own house!

He has apologised for his behaviour and I do think he’s learned the kingbaby act is only ever going to end the same way for him but that’s all too late for our relationship so we are firmly just friends.

I expect that will change when he meets someone he does actually want to compromise for and I’ll be happy for him but I have no interest in retreading old ground waiting for an adult man to grow up.

This is exactly right and pinpoints the real issue - that we live in a world where men are indoctrinated with the belief that women are lesser humans. The way we live now is extremely unnatural. Human beings are herd mammals and thrive in small communities of around 100 people at most. Living in such a community would demonstrate what we need from each other to survive thus giving us value as humans. And yet we live in a world designed to divide us for the benefit of the ruling class - divide and conquer. Women serve as the fodder which distracts men and their physical strength from the real enemy. How best to turn humans against one another? Indifference through dehumanisation

@Whyisegg This is exactly right and pinpoints the real issue - that we live in a world where men are indoctrinated with the belief that women are lesser humans.

I was never taught that women are lesser humans, and I have never held that belief. Do you have any evidence that boys are taught this, in the western world at least?

How best to turn humans against one another?

But do you not see why a post like yours would turn people against one another? If you write comments on the internet about how men supposedly hate women, the only thing that will come of that is that some men will dislike you for writing such things. Is that what you are seeking to achieve?

Very telling that you think the ONLY thing that will come of my comment is 'some men' will dislike me. Almost like you don't think women are capable of forming their own opinion of my comment

Your comment was about men. If you spew nonsense online about how men supposedly hate women, then the only thing that will come of that is that the people who are the subject of your complaint, which is men, will dislike you for that. Hence, your comment will achieve the very thing you are complaining about.

If you write a comment about women instead, then yes, I imagine women will form an opinion about that.

You don't seem to consider that my comment might inspire other women to see how men are their oppressors? Do you think I care if 'some men' don't like my comment? Who do you think my comment is aimed at? Would it shock you to learn I don't care if no men ever read it?

@Whyisegg yes, the central issue here is that women are indoctrinated to believe they need to pander to men's needs and men are indoctrinated to believe that's what women are there for! Historically women had no choice but in the 21st century west, where we are actually allowed to own property, have jobs and so on, we don't actually need men (except to procreate of course). So no big surprise that many women are choosing the single life and finding out what has been hidden for so long - it is wonderful!

Human beings are herd mammals and thrive in small communities of around 100 people at most.

I'm really interested in this - where did you get this info? I live in a small village and probably have about 100 people in my life 'network', including neighbours I'm aquatinted with, work colleagues, friends, and family. I spend almost every evening alone, and many weekends. But I meet friends for lunch regularly, see people at work, meet neighbours when out walking, and know the village postmistress well enough for us to chat for 20 minutes when I see her. It does actually feel about right for me, but society tells me I am a weird, barren, socially isolated middle aged hag! because I don't have a partner, never mind a nuclear family. If I could just throw off these last vestiges of social expectations then I do think I could be deeply happy!

In that case, you will have more women spewing nonsense online, which will make more men hate women, which again, is the thing you are complaining about.

It's like complaining about having a sore arm, and then making a conscious decision to hit your arm with a hammer.

Don't get me wrong - the current ultimate feminist act is to live alone, be financially independent and not have children. However, in order to recognise my own capabilities I have to accept that they exist equally in men. Our division is artificial and history supports this. Human beings are omnivorous mammals and there is evidence to support herd mentality in human beings - distinct leader and follower personalities are noted throughout human history. It is my belief that given the right circumstances men and women could live in harmony because in essence we are all human beings and therefore equal. Sadly this is not the world we currently live in

I think there’s also a misleading view that single women who are independent and living happy lives is a modern phenomenon and a rejection of ‘natural’ which is another reason people mock or fear the idea.

The word spinster comes from the name given to a highly skilled woman who would have earned £££ at her trade to the extent she was seen as threat to the ‘norm’ and the word was given negative connotations.

Witches were very often single women who has a skill for herbal medicine or healing, again an important and valued service that would have afforded a woman respect and means. This too was twisted to a negative stereotype.

The cat lady trope is the modern version but frankly living alone surrounded by cats and not having to deal with the nonsense so many men bring with them is the dream.

Which is a long way of saying, there have always been women who thrived being single, independent and self governing but they’ve been hidden due to hurting the feelings of men/society that need women to do the shit work of life and be in service to the majority rather than themselves.

Why does anything women do 'MAKE' men hate them? Aren't all adults responsible for their own actions?

You guys are derailing the thread. Please take it to DMs. Its putting a negative slant on what was an uplifting thread.

@Superlambaanana yes, the central issue here is that women are indoctrinated to believe they need to pander to men's needs and men are indoctrinated to believe that's what women are there for!

Are you from a different planet? I have never seen any of the indoctrination that you are describing.

So no big surprise that many women are choosing the single life and finding out what has been hidden for so long - it is wonderful!

It appears that being single is something that seems to be new to you, which is why you are vigorously typing on this forum about how new and exciting it is. I have been single my whole life, so it's something that is very normal in my mind, and not something I regularly think about.

While being single does have its benefits, there are disadvantages which others have already pointed out- being single is more expensive, saving for a pension is more difficult, buying and owning a home on a single income is more difficult, there is no support for basic errands/tasks, there is no one to share knowledge and information with, and there is no support when you become sick (I say "when" here because the vast majority of people will become sick towards the end of their lives). These are factors that you need to give serious thought to before you conclude that being single is a magical and wonderful experience.

I'm sorry that was not my intention - I default to defensive because my life choices have been questioned so much. Make no mistake I've been single and independent for 17 years and never been happier!!! Every time I wake up in my own house hearing the birds calling and my cat purring I have to pinch myself I'm grateful for what I have

The shuggles poster is a man. And a troll obviously too. He has come to a women's forum to tell us not to make men hate us, let us know not all men are unpleasant and berate women whose comments he disagrees with. I wouldn't advise anyone to strike up a DM with him.

Please report him and we can carry on in peace.

@Superlambaanana I think you need to check what the definition of a "troll" is.

He has come to a women's forum to tell us not to make men hate us, let us know not all men are unpleasant

This is completely normal and sensible advice and information.

and berate women whose comments he disagrees with.

I have not berated any women.

Where's your reply to my last comment though?

That was easy 😂

I didn't reply because someone pointed out that it was derailing the thread, so I ended the discussion. Perhaps you should respect her request also.

You posted a completely random response before that so that's obviously nonsense. It's like you think I am blind or can't read 😂 I'm not above posting screenshots mate

It wasn't a "random response." I posted a comment that was on-topic in response to @Superlambaanana, which was about the single life.

I ended the discussion with you because @JamSandle pointed out it was off-topic. I have no issue with continuing the discussion in private however.