A true definition of 'single' and why it kicks ass

[Stratos72]

Capital 'S' 'Single' should be defined as a state in which you're not a) still pining for an ex, b) pining for a particular crush, or c) pining for a relationship generally.

Because let me tell you, it feels fantastic. It feels like what human adulthood is actually meant for.

Nature doesn't give a flying fuck whether you're happy, it only cares that you reproduce. That's why it curses you with overwhelming lust, jealousies, you name it.

And that's why you wake up one morning and your life has become nothing other than a series of reactions and obligations - some of which might be irreversible.

That's why you can intellectually know someone isn't worth your time, doesn't respect you, whatever - yet your 'heart' still leaps when they text.

Nature just wants those damn babies.

Next time you break up, I recommend NOT looking to someone else to fill the void AND until you're truly, undeniably, non-negotiably OVER your ex - if only just to experience the feeling of emancipation and freedom for a while.

You can always get back to the drama then if you want. But at least you'll be doing it with your eyes open.

Typo mistake typo *

It still blows my mind that I can exist and go through live without being shouted at/put down/gaslit etc etc
My nervous system is finally starting to heal and reset.
I am in control of whether my day is a good one or not.
Honestly.. I almost feel sorry for the people I know who have never been truly single because it has been the most enlightening and empowering time of my life.

@Carouselfish
"t's not dealing with a stupid penis"
😂😂😂
That made me chuckle into my wine (yes, wine on a Monday....I have no man to judge) 😊

I'm happily remarried now but was single for 6 years before him. We got together after a slightly drunken night out through work and I very nearly didn't agree to a second date because I was so reluctant to give up being single. As it was it was the slowest moving relationship ever when it started and we didn't move in together for 4 years after that.

We are very happy. I would cross continents for him and I would be devastated if he died. But it comes with compromise and I know I could have been just as happy single and being single again in the future certainly doesn't scare me. That's a healthy thing - means we both maintain healthy boundaries and demand respect.

@dreammattemousse

I just ❤️ what you have said in your post and i can totally relate to your sentiments,

"It's freaking wonderful being single for that reason alone,
let alone all the other lovely reasons also too".

You're really onto something there, @dreammattemousse...the psychological aspects of it all. I remember being sat on the couch next to someone I knew I wanted to finish with and be free of. But shoehorning into my mind the idea that I was allowed to finish with him, that people finish with other people every day, took such a huge amount of effort that I knew something had gone seriously wrong somewhere and I didn't have a clue how to prioitise myself properly.

My other epiphany was when I realised just how much I loved the feeling of truly, entirely getting over somebody to the feeling of falling for them. A big clue :)

I think being so seems to work much better for women than men despite the fact that single men are often portrayed as loving it large while women are at home crying in their hankies. IMO once women realise they can not only cope but thrive, they do just that!

I just love being single cause i just love ❤️ being abe to do daft and silly things or watch on youtube or whatever,

whithout any criticism judgements...

I just love that can reveal that aspect of myself too

freedom to have innocent fun 😁 escapism and not have to be grown up and serious ect all the time,

Such as visting the cinema ect

Following

This is my favouritest thing I think I've ever read on here! Amen!

Thank you @ladygindiva :) Let the adventures begin!

@Stratos72

Also if anyone does miss sex at all?

Hey there are still Ann Summer's stores in the High Street about,

not sure if there still do there well known Ann Summer's house parties anymore ?

@Resilience I'm not sure if I'll word this right but for me it's that there's just sooooooo much more to existence that 'men and babies'. Sitting somewhere with an espresso (used to be an espresso and cigarette - my God those were the days :)) and watching the world go by, I don't feel like there's a single thing missing. Even the other side of it too - I watch men like John Cleese spend their life savings on divorce after divorce...it's madness!

I can only speak for myself: Great sex is great. The before and after, I can live without 🤓

One day it just hit me
'I'm not being called names anymore'
'I'm not having sex I don't want to have'
'I'm not apologising for simply existing'
I could go on and on.
I feel like I'm finally becoming the person I was meant to be. Independent, confident, not saying sorry for not doing the washing up.

I don't think the pure joy of being free and independent will ever fade. Infact it just gets better by the day.
Just pure relief
Freedom
Peace

People ask me if I'm lonely but I'm not,
'The need I have for a man is not outweighed by the need I have for peace' is my go to line when people ask if I've met someone 'yet' 🙄

But, I could meet someone, we all could if we wanted to settle and compromise enough but I just don't.

@Stratos72 - I get you. I didn't have babies until quite late because I loved being single and able to party/travel/sit in a pub quietly with a book talking to no one, etc.

Then I hooked up with someone, had kids and it was a disaster. Stayed single for 6 years after that again.

No way should being single be considered less than couples up. It is absolutely just as valid a choice and for women particularly extremely empowering

When you no longer want or need anything....
that's when you

Have it all

I don't miss sex really. At one point I thought I did, but I think it was more affection than sex. Like a hug at the right time, or similar. But if I weigh it up, I would rather be living the peaceful life I do, than sacrifice it for hugs and affection, which then has strings attached.

I have an arrangement with one of my also Single friends. If we ever just need a hug we say so, and then we give each other one and then carry on with whatever thing we were doing 😀 Nothing more, get it out the way and then carry on. No having to deal with, as pp so perfectly said, that stupid cock after.

I had to go into town over the weekend, I was happy to wander around and window shop and pop and have a look at random things, test some perfume and just things that I wanted to. I did quite a bit of people watching too, and noticed just how miserable most couples seemed to be. Then I couldn't unsee it. So I watched some more. One woman wanting to look into a window at some shoes, holding hands with her partner, as she leans toward the window, he pulls her away. Why the fuck should she not look in a window if she wants to. I felt like shouting it out loud.

I even want as far as to try gauge ages. The happiest looking couples were the youngsters, in their 20s or so. Which makes sense. Its all new and fresh and exciting. The rest, looked bored and obviously did not want to be there with their partners. The others that looked the happiest were women out together or women on their own.

I came back home with it on my mind, then saw this post and now it made me think about it some more. And it seems we think the same. I think at times it is as I have become a bit selfish with my time and want what I want / do not want to do. But, that is also okay. I had a long difficult marriage and raised two wonderful humans, so now it is my time. And I choose peaceful.

Thank you for your thread.. single for 5 years and I have no intention to change this..
Relationships have always been a tough ride between myself as a kick ass single parent and the never-ending litany of inadequacy/fears from the people I dated who never felt "good enough " call it as you see it! Not my problem
Rather be happy single , I'm not going to diminish myself to make anyone else feel better.
Sex? Menopause takes care of that I've found. Being single means no need for validation, acceptance of yourself, and peace of mind. Priceless. The high I have just Being.. I wouldn't change anything.

Being Single rocks at times too

Being single means never having to say you’re sorry.
😉.

The freedom to:

raise my ds in a house where he doesn't see his df drunk
teach my son decent values, not sexist nonsense
cook healthy meals
maintain my house in decent state without him whining about cost
have music
dance in the kitchen
have fresh air
live rurally
not walk on egg shells
organise my days without someone else trying to dictate

I like to be single because I like to be on my own and value my time and my own company not because I don't want to be with silly people buzzing around like annoying bees, I was able to reject their company when I was also in a relationship, although that skill was learn through life, I didn't born with it.
Which is a shame, because it feels good when you don't do a dime about crap.

Maybe that is one of the reasons I'm single, that once you see the light you don't want to go back to that path again.
And you think nah, this isn't worthy.

Love being single! Brought up my son solo and he's a wonderful adult. He lives independently and we get on great, can talk about anything and everything.

Bliss not to have to be a "maid" in the house. No washing his clothes, if I don't feel like cooking and can get a take-away or just eat bits and bobs from the fridge.

I go out alone albeit mostly afternoons now, go to the cinema, visit or go out with mates, male and female, go to the cinema, travel solo - been all over and find it easy to strike up a conversation with random people, wait staff, people at the next table on a terrace etc.- art galleries/museums, I can come and go as I please.

Did take care of ageing parents but they've passed over now.

I have a long-distant relationship, just how I like it.

I've been through the mill - abuse in relationships - too so now I'm in a really good place.

Ah I needed to see this post! Marriage ended after a lot of years. Took a year alone. After dating on/off for the last 6 months I’ve lost hope! People not being who they say they are, not looking like I expected -online, the disappointment is real! My heart has been hurt a bit but I’ve not been in love. Nor do I overly want to be. I have a peaceful home and I’ve finally found me. I have my children and fur babies. I’m retraining at work and haven’t really got time to date. The ones I have dated wanted me to fit into their lives and that wasn’t happening. Plus love honey have toys that suffice just as well tbh. If a friends with benefits appeared maybe I’d consider. But I miss a cuddle and even someone in my bed. But when there has been someone in my bed. I don’t want them there because it’s my space! And the snoring!