Why are people having less sex?

[Hartley99]

I read a shocking statistic in the paper today. In 2009, 30% of men aged 18-24, and 50% of women, were having "no sex". In 2018, the same survey found that 43% of men aged 18-24 were having no sex, and 74% of women! The number of teenage pregnancies has plummeted as well. Also, and I wonder if this is connected in some way, the number of young people who don't drink alcohol has massively increased. Young people also seem less interested in relationships, or having children. In fact, people in general seem less and less keen to date, form relationships or families, etc. I'm pretty sure the birth rate is falling as well.

I've always found these sorts of social trends/changes fascinating. I kind of regret not studying sociology, actually. It's so interesting. What drives these changes? I was a teenager in the '90s, and there is no doubt that young people today are far less interested in sex and relationships than we were. They seem far more cynical, wary and suspicious. Rather than the end goal of life, they seem to view marriage and kids as a trap – something they might have to endure one day, but which they'd rather delay or avoid altogether. Or is it just me?

Porn, over objectification of women in the media, the fact that everything these days is sexualised. Rape culture, so many things. It’s taken a lot of the romance and mystery out of sex and attraction and made it a contractual process . Just my opinion.

Porn.
Depression.

When sex is everywhere it loses the appeal. Its no longer exciting, special or fun.

I am not sure the whole “no sex” thing is actually porn related. I mean sure there’s a whole sub culture of horrid sexual practices resulting from people being too over exposed to porn.. but no sex? I’m not sure that’s caused by porn. I think (as the mum of a 20 something) this generation just isn’t as interested in sex / relationships etc. They are all about social media, messaging each other but very little face to face communication. My dd is at university and they do all go out clubbing but a lot of their time seems to be spent on their own, in their own rooms, watching a lot of Netflix and messaging each other 😳 and none of them are remotely interested in dating or seeing anyone. Apart from one person in their group who is on the apps having a lot of dodgy hook ups which everyone else seems to find amusing.

I was very into sex when I was younger. Not so much now. Just can’t be bothered really anymore. There are far more things in life I enjoy and it takes physical effort and that’s effort I don’t really have now I’m getting older (40s). I think perhaps we’re all coming to realise sex is very overrated.

If you are skint, having to work longer for in reality less, once everything is considered ie rent bills etc and are highly stressed. You are not going to want or have time to have sex, nor have the disposable cash to drink out leading to out of relationship sex or meeting folk to get into a relationship. Same for birth rates, if you are not going out/drinking as much there will be less unplanned pregnancies and if you don’t have the time to form actual relationships due to being shattered and stressed from having to work all hours, you are less likely to be getting pregnant planned or unplanned. Many more under 30’s are staying at the parental home too, which makes a relationship and non relationship sex harder to.. squeeze in. It’s all became less of a priority due to the cost of everything. Other issues add into that, with there not being the same pressure from more modern thinking parents that are not as religious forcing kids to prioritise getting into a long term relationship and also environmental and future hopes/prospects concerns effecting even more mature families not wanting to have a child or more than they already do.

Welcome to the results of a broken economy and
a lack of a positive outlook for many.

I'm obviously one person with one experience, can't extrapolate.

I don't find this shocking or worrying, I'm single and childfree and feel like the younger generation are maybe realising how nice that is.

I hadn't dated for nearly ten years, then last year I dated a much younger man, who I knew from real life as a friend.

He had had previously had one girlfriend after a horrible time doing online dating. His descriptions of online dating are mostly horrible or just soulless, as seems to be the case for many.

I'm not someone who finds sex important tbh. I also feel like it gets discussed so....clinically....now, I'm not surprised but you have to remember....go back in time and probably fewer sex surveys were done? I don't know. But we don't know what % weren't having sex in 2014, or do we?

If people don't want to risk pregnancy and disease, who can blame them.

i'm also not surprised because I'd always imagine people are having less or no sex than one might imagine from the media...but I ignore the media. Are sex shops still doing well? I have no clue about these things.

Fewer able to afford their own places doesn't help.
Smartphones provide gratification (including porn, but not only porn).
More difficult interactions between men and women -- partly because less human interaction in general.

Busy, stressed, tired, cba.

My DS tried online dating when he was at uni in London.

He said it wound up really expensive (meals
out in London) and he didn't meet anyone he liked anyway.

I think it’s porn / webcams (men wanking themselves stupid & unable to perform in person with another living human being), everyone’s on SSRIs so no libido / sexual dysfunction, plus thanks to social media everyone’s so fascinated by their own image and identity there’s no room left to be interested in other people.

Don't think it's porn personally. I think it's more a reflection of young lives these days, which are much more online and home-based than even a generation ago. Young people don't drink much but also don't go out much - socially or for work - compared to the past. Covid, the internet and finances play a part but it's also just a cultural shift. I find the members of that generation that I know comparatively serious-minded and unfrivolous when I think of myself and my friends at that age. There are reasons for that but I nevertheless find it a bit sad and imagine the generation it two behind will do things differently again.

This is interesting. My 13yo DD asked us at the dinner table yesterday when she will be 'allowed to start dating', which does make it seem very contractual like a PP said.
She seemed a bit taken back when we told that that's for her to decide.
I found it a really odd conversation, certainly one that I would NEVER have had with my own parents. It never would have occurred to me that they should ever have anything to do with my romantic life!

Few thoughts:

• Our culture is saturated in sexual images. This has been going on since the 1960s, of course, but it's much worse now. The result is that sex is no longer sexy. We're burned out.
• Porn. We just accept the existence of porn sites, but when you think about it, it's a massive change. A 13-year-old boy can view more sex in a single weekend than his ancestors would have seen in a lifetime. And real sex doesn't live up to what he sees on screen. Porn sites don't show the spots, moments of boredom, flabby bodies, bad breath, hairy legs, etc that are involved in real sex. Real women don't live up to the fantasy. They can't match the thousands of beautiful women boys have seen online. Plus, of course, the endless masturbation is burning out/numbing their bodies.
• Young people know far more about the downside of marriage than we did. Maybe it's therapy culture, or their parents being more open, or the stories they read online, or the videos they see on youtube, or the podcasts they listen to, but the young begin life with the kind of cynicism most people take years to acquire. I have spoken to 20-something girls who sound more like bitter 40-something divorcees.
• Girls are better educated and more interested in a career. Relationships and kids are seen as a threat to that.
• Overcrowding and stress. I read once that animals grow less interested in sex when they are placed in crowded zoos. It's as if nature flips a switch inside them and says "we're overcrowded here, no need to reproduce." Modern society is so crowded, with such awful traffic, noise, ghastly houses jammed on top of one another, etc, that people feel squeezed and suffocated.
• The fact that we live half our lives in a virtual world. It's almost as if we're losing touch with the physical. I sometimes think that the young regard what happens in the physical world as less important than what happens on a screen.

I sometimes think the virtual world is becoming way more interesting than the real world. Gaming, social media…it is a sort of fast food for social contact. It’s easy, fast, no consequences, no downsides. But you don’t learn to cope with the difficulties that sometimes occur in real life relationships.

There’s not much romance or excitement in the air at the moment… everything just seems a bit glum and serious nowadays 😅

Girls are better educated and more interested in a career. Relationships and kids are seen as a threat to that.

"Over the past 50 years, Korea's economy has developed at break-neck speed, propelling women into higher education and the workforce, and expanding their ambitions, but the roles of wife and mother have not evolved at nearly the same pace.

Frustrated, Jungyeon began to observe other mothers. "I was like, 'Oh, my friend who's raising a child is also depressed and my friend across the street is depressed too' and I was like, 'Oh, this is a social phenomenon'." "

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-68402139

Less alcohol.
Covid maybe made people realise they don't have to be out all the time. Too expensive to go out if you're saving for uni / a house.

Of the 9 x 18-25yr old young people in my family.
5 of them are not having any "relations" as they rarely leave their rooms/online gaming.
1 is partnered up with a baby
3 are in long term relationships

I think women are a lot smarter in their choices now, and in some ways I do think social media has helped that.

I know we blame social media on a lot of the downfalls of society today, but just sometimes there is something on there that is actually very helpful. I’ve seen a lot of posts, especially on TikTok and Instagram now of women warning women who may not be wise about these things about red flags to look for in a relationship/men, and generally women, calling out men on such a public platform for their shitty behaviour has helped women wise up.

men… probably wanking themselves to everything and anything on social media and porn platforms, but also it’s quite expensive now to date and it’s now becoming very American in terms of dating multiple people at once until you find the one you like which ends up being super expensive.

I think more women have woken up to the fact there’s no point engaging unless it’s enjoyable for them too. IME only a minority of men seem onboard with that

Me too. I was (frankly) horrified so many posters on another thread knew the age their kids (teen & grown up that is) lost their virginity and made out I was a weirdo for not having that conversation with my parents 😮

Maybe women are fed up of being choked and forced into anal sex when they don’t want it? Men aren’t very good at sex and women are saying no thanks to shit sex. Men spend more time watching porn and real women don’t live up to it. Menopausal women can now say no thanks to sex rather than being forced into it as a husbands ‘property’
Tbh I don’t know but if I ever split with my husband, I can’t imagine I’d ever care about having sex again unless someone completely blew me away with their skills.

Plus as a society it feels like few people really dress up and flirt much anymore, reducing thrill of the chase.

Also seeing my younger male friends (mid 20’s whereas I’m mid 30’s) using online dating, the girls they are messaging are pretty much sending pornographic videos and pictures from day 1 (without even asking most of the time!) so they get everything on a platter, don’t even need to work for it. It’s like there are so many girls on there, the girls their messaging feel like they need to overshare to stop the boys from just moving onto the next girl 😔

I think all the things already mentioned play a part. I know with my own DC, they just have seen that you don't need to be partnered up and follow the traditional route of marriage/kids any more. They're enjoying life on their terms and good for them I say.

When I was young I didn't really see anything other than having a partner, kids. The wider world was far less accessible. I don't regret having DC, being a mum was important to me. But if I'd had the opportunities my DC have had, I think my life would have been very different.

There are still plenty of people having sex! Of all the women I knew when I was younger, they are all grandma's now. I'm definitely an outlier in not having grandkids.

"In 2018, the same survey found that 43% of men aged 18-24 were having no sex, and 74% of women!"

Does that mean that 26% of women are having sex with 57% of men?

That means the sexually active women are having fun with 2.2 men.

Each man is having to share his woman with another man!