Why are people having less sex?

[Hartley99]

I read a shocking statistic in the paper today. In 2009, 30% of men aged 18-24, and 50% of women, were having "no sex". In 2018, the same survey found that 43% of men aged 18-24 were having no sex, and 74% of women! The number of teenage pregnancies has plummeted as well. Also, and I wonder if this is connected in some way, the number of young people who don't drink alcohol has massively increased. Young people also seem less interested in relationships, or having children. In fact, people in general seem less and less keen to date, form relationships or families, etc. I'm pretty sure the birth rate is falling as well.

I've always found these sorts of social trends/changes fascinating. I kind of regret not studying sociology, actually. It's so interesting. What drives these changes? I was a teenager in the '90s, and there is no doubt that young people today are far less interested in sex and relationships than we were. They seem far more cynical, wary and suspicious. Rather than the end goal of life, they seem to view marriage and kids as a trap – something they might have to endure one day, but which they'd rather delay or avoid altogether. Or is it just me?

@MsRosley yes but they weren't addictive in the way that screens are

@LaPalmaLlama I assure you that if I was to head to a pub by myself, no one would try to talk to me or initiate any kind of contact.

I wonder how reliable the figures are or if people are also more honest.
I remember surveys used to show that more women were virgins after university than before. I imagine young men used to lie that they were not virgins more frequently.
Perhaps this is a factor?

Testosterone levels in men have dropped 50% in 50 years and the rate is actually accelerating. Apparently they dropped 1.5% in the last year data has been collected.

Well no, possibly not, but if we're looking at trends over time (i.e. why are people now having less sex than they were 30 years ago?) then that's probably not relevant because women never had form for hanging around in pubs on their own. But young people have reduced the amount of in-person socialising (in groups) that they do vs 30 years ago so that probably is relevant. And 30 years ago if you were out with a group of friends in a busy pub, odds were that at least some of the group would talk to people from another group.

I think excercise and fresh air probably help testosterone levels. People spend too much time being sedentary generally and I don’t think the gym twice a week or whatever replaces just general activity.
I bet WFH hasn’t helped either.

There's a difference between finding sex and finding a decent relationship. If you simply want sex just ask if they're up for a quicke. I'm sure you'll get some takers.

I'm not sure, I think access to porn has something to do with it so lots of guys just watch porn and aren't motivated to find a girlfriend. Then there is all the crazy expectations with sex so very young girls saying boys expecting anal and breath play because that is what they see online. Also probably boys and girls especially traumatised by exposure to sexual content, being sent and being asked for nudes when they are still really young.

In my town we used to have about 6 night clubs now we have one and the people who go are all 35 + mostly 40's and 50's. So their are less places for young people to go out and mingle and that could be due to them not wanting to. In a way I get this, I have never really drank and I never much liked night clubs but I met guys though friends, university and work and I did get asked out and I did date. It seems like a lot of the real like meeting people is gone now or disapproved of. Dating apps are popular but I don't hear much good about them or lots about people using them for chatting and an ego boost but then never actually meeting up.

I recently watched a documentary on Sweden and that was saying how there men do not really initiate and that women are the ones who have to make the approach and that relationships are very casual, people don't date but hook up and then after a period of time of hanging out and hooking up they might then become an item but even then marriage is less popular and divorce rates are high. Perhaps this is just a consequence of living in a highly individualistic society which is probably similar to the UK although in Sweden their particular set up with tax and social security probably assists in the freedom people have to leave a partnership. I think the idea is nobody should be trapped in a bad situation due to financial concerns.

In South Korea women are opting out of relationships with men and motherhood due to sexist behaviour and expectations as well as flat out abuse of women. Its so strange as women in South Korea are so highly educated and successful but it is still expected she give up all work once she has kids and rates of domestic abuse are very high.

I think that there are some really nasty sexist attitudes online that young men are exposed to through social media like red pill theory which tells men that women are like dumb animals who cannot think rationally or love, who only seek to use men for their resources while having sex with handsome alpha men behind their back and dupe ordinary men into raising other men's children then when they are bored they will divorce them and take half their stuff, they call it "divorce rape". They then teach that the only way to win with women is to dominate them into submission and make them live in fear of you. That sounds dramatic but that is literally what it is about for example they talk about something called "dread game" which is to deliberately make your wife or girlfriend fear you will leave her or cheat on her, to make her so anxious and insecure so that she will do whatever you want her to. It teaches them not to care about what their wives are feeling the call caring being "an emotional tampon" men should just stone wall their wives and girlfriends unless they are being 100% obedient or pleasant. Nothing a woman ever complains about or gets angry about it ever valid or worthy of consideration, she is merely a woman, a dumb animal that needs to be led.

Now this all sounds ridiculous to us but so many young men are exposed to this thinking that it does have an impact boys, those who feel they can never be these "alpha's" feel like seeking a relationship is pointless and those who do adopt this thinking are essentially learning how to be abusive and cruel which will then impact on women so that many who repeatedly experience this kind of treatment from men will probably think that that getting involved with men is just not worth it and retreat from dating as well.

Sorry for the essay!

Sperm counts are also dropping. I wonder if nature is somehow trying to reduce our numbers. I’ve always suspected there is an intelligence at work in nature. Something we don’t understand. James Lovelock believed the Earth itself was a self-regulating organism. In 1900, there were a billion humans. By 1960 that had trebled to three billion. It’s now eight billion and heading for ten. In Africa the birth rate is so high the African population is going to double. As far as nature is concerned, we are like a cancer or a parasite that has got out of control. When Covid appeared, I remember panicking and thinking “this is it, nature is going to reduce our numbers. It’s a cull.”

Yeah my husband and I both going out to work gave us a chance to miss each other slightly, instead of stepping on each other’s toes then getting pissed off which is hardly an aphrodisiac. Going out to work generated better conversations about it too somehow. And he stopped wearing a suit - even on days he went to the office post covid - and that brought some sex appeal. Don’t get me wrong - I still fancy him and still like him! 😂

Mobile phones, people don’t talk or interact with each other in person so much.

Decent relationship is probably slightly easier than finding sex. If you ask a string of people on a dating app if they want to have sex, you're going to get some very negative and unpleasant responses.

Really? Last time I tried a dating website, I couldn't move for dick pics.

Finding decent men is like trying to find a unicorn.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia Finding decent men is like trying to find a unicorn.

It shouldn't be difficult for you to find a decent person. The majority of men have stable jobs and are gentle personalities. If someone has a job and a nice personality, does that not make them suitable for a relationship?

What men have you been meeting? I dumped my last boyfriend because he was rude to my mum. The only guy I ever lived with was a serial self-harmer who raped me. My first boyfriend was a compulsive liar. I've worked in too many otherwise all-male teams to think that most men are anything other than sexist pigs. The ones who aren't are already taken.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I don't date men because I think all men are ugly. I date women instead.

What men have you been meeting? I dumped my last boyfriend because he was rude to my mum. The only guy I ever lived with was a serial self-harmer who raped me. My first boyfriend was a compulsive liar.

Clearly, you've met a lot of very unpleasant people. But what I don't understand is, why are you consistently meeting horrible people? Is there some kind of common personality trait they have that makes women want to approach them?

@shuggles abusive people of any form are the most charming you will ever meet.

If you have no experience dating men, you'd not necessarily realise how misogynist many of them are.

why are you consistently meeting horrible people?

I'm autistic so my ability to recognise dangerous men early is somewhat impaired. The same dangerous men seek out vulnerable women like me because we are easier to abuse.

The decent ones are all taken.

Every man I know is a sexist pig out of earshot of there partner down the pub or whatever.

Talking about other women or women around them.

Most would die if there partner knew what they were like when out without them.

I expect far more than a ‘nice personality’, whatever that means.

Dont you?
Is your bar so low that a job and a nice personality is enough? Nothing about respect, treating you as an equal (and acting like that too, with no reminders), compassion, caring amongst other things?

"Is your bar so low that a job and a nice personality is enough? Nothing about respect, treating you as an equal (and acting like that too, with no reminders), compassion, caring amongst other things?"

Strange question. Those latter things are included in nice personality, surely?

I was speaking to my niece about dating, she is single.
She says the only men who approach you when you are out are creeps. She would not go out with anyone who did this.
She showed me a message on a dating app from someone aged 26. It was crude. He looked a mess. The bottom half of his head was shaven and he was wearing a tracksuit in one photo, half naked in another.
Fgs if that is the best men can do then yes, women will not be having sex with them.
I do think it’s easy for women to have sex. Not good sex though, and maybe not with anyone who you want to have sex with.
Not getting drunk and going to loud, dark nightclubs, that has ended a lot of casual sex.
Now people can see what’s on offer and have their senses about them.

Society has definitely changed and young girls now see things differently I think too. There’s also a huge mental health wave, the young girls around me and my friends from 14-22 none of them want to get married, have children or live with a man.

I think the realisation of it all has became obvious and it’s not what they want. I hand on heart from friends, family, neighbours and colleagues only know of one happy marriage and they’re lesbian. How sad is that, I think we’ve been fed a lie that that’s the happy goal I disagree. I’m fully aware there are many happy marriages and it just so happens I don’t know any, even my grandparents were all miserable and grandmother relieved to be widowed. I genuinely hand on heart if I could turn back time would never have got married etc I live for my children but my life I realise would have been much happier being single, travelling and having a fairly stress free life, my bestest friends say exactly the same.

so I think the younger generation are much better informed now and thinking hell no.

Theres also a wave of depression, and access to vile and disgusting porn all over the internet.

Then don't date men who go drinking in pubs.

Do you really think that the ones who don't drink in pubs are any better?