Why are people having less sex?

[Hartley99]

I read a shocking statistic in the paper today. In 2009, 30% of men aged 18-24, and 50% of women, were having "no sex". In 2018, the same survey found that 43% of men aged 18-24 were having no sex, and 74% of women! The number of teenage pregnancies has plummeted as well. Also, and I wonder if this is connected in some way, the number of young people who don't drink alcohol has massively increased. Young people also seem less interested in relationships, or having children. In fact, people in general seem less and less keen to date, form relationships or families, etc. I'm pretty sure the birth rate is falling as well.

I've always found these sorts of social trends/changes fascinating. I kind of regret not studying sociology, actually. It's so interesting. What drives these changes? I was a teenager in the '90s, and there is no doubt that young people today are far less interested in sex and relationships than we were. They seem far more cynical, wary and suspicious. Rather than the end goal of life, they seem to view marriage and kids as a trap – something they might have to endure one day, but which they'd rather delay or avoid altogether. Or is it just me?

It's certainly not the main reason, but I do think overcrowding plays a part. Everywhere you go there are vile new housing estates, with far too many houses jammed on top of one another. The traffic is horrifying, and at times it feels like being suffocated. Humans didn't evolve to live like this. Life is far too noisy and fast-paced. There are too many people squeezed into too small an area and it's burning us all out. I'm sure I read once that if you put too many animals in a cage, their libidos crash. Something happens at a biological level – as if nature is switching off the urge to reproduce.

I know someone will say "but people have always lived in cities...Ancient Rome was crowded," etc. That's not my point. It's the sense of too many people in too small an area. Lots of people lived in London in the 1950s, but there wasn't the same sense of being squeezed. The world's population has exploded since WW2. In 1900, there were a billion humans. By 1960 that had trebled to three billion. It's now eight billion.

Apparently, the sperm count is crashing as well, and no one is sure why. I wonder if it is nature's way of curbing our numbers? James Lovelock believed the Earth was like a self-regulating organism, and I suspect he was right. I've often wondered if there is an intelligence at work in nature – something beyond our understanding.

Pornography is a common answer, but I don't think I have ever seen any actual evidence for this. Is there any data on how sexual behaviours and attitudes changed when online pornography became ubiquitous around 2000 - 2004?

"Porn sites don't show the spots, moments of boredom, flabby bodies, bad breath, hairy legs, etc that are involved in real sex."

Can't say any of that features in my sex life, but yeah, those things would be enough to put anyone off!

It's certainly not the main reason, but I do think overcrowding plays a part. Everywhere you go there are vile new housing estates, with far too many houses jammed on top of one another. The traffic is horrifying, and at times it feels like being suffocated. Humans didn't evolve to live like this. Life is far too noisy and fast-paced. There are too many people squeezed into too small an area and it's burning us all out. I'm sure I read once that if you put too many animals in a cage, their libidos crash. Something happens at a biological level – as if nature is switching off the urge to reproduce.

Again, I would want to see evidence for this. Intuitivelu, I would have thought the opposite- living near lots of people provides more opportunities to find someone who wants to have sex with you.

On the other hand, if you live in a smaller town or suburbia, once you exclude people who are within your age range, are already taken, etc, you might only have a few dozen people to choose from. If none of those people want to have sex with you, then you aren't having any sex.

Thank goodness it is! I've spent my whole career as often the only woman in a team forcing myself not to smile at my colleagues in case it's misinterpreted as a come-on and still sometimes getting propositioned anyway. Maybe I can relax a bit if, as you claim, the guys will be too scared to make a move.

https://demystifysci.com/blog/2020/7/22/rat-dystopia explains how crowding causes dysfunctional behaviour followed by population crash.

The (many) pitfuls of online dating, the closure of pubs/clubs, and working from home. I think it's more difficult today to meet new people in everyday life. People resort to online dating and quickly realise it's an absolute disaster.

Read ‘count down’ by Shanna swan @Hartley99. Talks about this a bit and basically how chemicals are killing us and our reproductive health. Really shocking!

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I'm familiar with the experiment, but there is no evidence that this experiment is applicable to humans, and obviously human society is very different to the high-stress environment that the rats were living in. Even in the most crowded of UK cities, your home is a palace in comparison to the living circumstances of the rats. Human sexual behaviour is completely different from rats too.

@Emily1583 Pubs, clubs, and work are the absolute worst places to find a romantic or sexual partner, so doubt that's the cause either.

So many factors more young people on antidepressants, living with parents longer, leaving the house less because of social media, lack of council houses, porn ruined sex, staying in education longer.

I think for many the end game of a traditional secure relationship just isn't the end game anymore.
They've looked at Boomers / Gen X and for whatever reasons just think 'nah, doesn't look great tbh'.

So people are having less sex because they are not in, and don't want to be in, an adult relationship.

Yes I came on to suggest this in a small part. I wonder if there are less accidental pregnancies as we’re slightly less fertile.

If you don't want kids, why marry?

Apparently smart phones are one thing to blame for less sex in relationships/marriages. Eg constantly scrolling in bed, on the sofa etc, on our emails which cause stress which prevent us from being in the mood… It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work this out mind.

This is my experience too. My DSis had a baby confidently knowing she’d get a council house provided as she had a baby.

I sometimes imagine how I (40) would navigate todays world as a teenager.
I imagine it’s a mine field, do I identify as female, or non binary, am I A sexual or homosexual - anything but straight.
there’s a kid my friend teaches who identifies as a cat who wants to have sex with a cat?

if I do have sex will he want to take photos, could they be shared to his mates. will I be posted all over Snapchat?
if I was a teenager now I don’t think I would have survived.
I was bullied, never wore the right things and didn’t have boyfriends in school.
I imagine in this world the bullying would have followed me home to my bedroom.
luckily for me I went to highschool in the late 90’s my bedroom was my sanctuary.

I reckon it’s mainly down to porn, if I were a young woman now, the thought of being compared to that would massively put me off, this coupled with a greater feminist perspective on it all. Also, online dating seems to have had its day. The men are awful, most just seem to be looking for something casual. It’s dire.

You know you could start studying sociology? Never too late

I think personal image is much more important these days. People seem to be looking after how the present themselves. And its a new generation with new values and I'm kinda jealous I grew up in the 90s when eating disorders and drug addiction were aspirational, not professional appearances.

For love?

Pornography and the consequence that sex is no longer special. It's like ordering a pizza.

Young people are constantly being told that the planet is dying too. Why would they want to reproduce? Their offspring will only contribute to the problem, and it can't be too many more generations that Earth's even got left. Who wants that guilt?

I would love to know how you are finding sexual partners in a way that's as easy as ordering a pizza.

Honestly? I think finding sex is not hard. Good sex is quite a different thing, hence the reference to pornography.