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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

WWYD? Partner wouldn’t let me in house after argument

159 replies

Wintercrocus · 16/03/2024 08:25

We had a few drinks after work yesterday with one of his friends. All good, friend went home and we were walking to our local curry place for dinner. Crossing a side road, we both jumped as it seemed like a large car was about to drive at us, but it was actually parking up on the main road (moving too quickly from the other side of the road). Annoying and made me jump but hey. DP was angry and ran to the driver. When I caught up, the driver and several men drinking outside a pub nearby were trying to calm him down, and it looked like DP was trying to hit him. To be clear, this isn’t an everyday occurrence - he has a bad temper and is easily wound up but we’ve been together over 10 years and I’ve never seem him act this aggressively with someone. The driver was speaking calmly and not being aggressive.

We walked on, and I was telling him that threatening to punch someone (I didn’t hear him do this but assume that’s what happened) is not OK! He totally disagreed and said the guy deserved to be punched, then stormed off home. So, I wouldn’t even call it an argument as such - he just stormed off.

I was hungry so stayed out a bit to get some food. Not the curry house but somewhere where I feel less weird eating alone.

I then walked home, arrived at the front door at about 21:30 but didn’t have my keys on me (don’t usually both need keys when we’re out together). Knocked on the door and got no answer. Double checked his location on findmyiphone, which we both use - he was in the house. Tried calling, call rejected. Obviously knocked some more. Tried calling again. He answered and said to stop harassing him. To be clear, he was absolutely aware I was on the doorstep and unable to get in the house. We jointly own the property. No kids.

WWYD?

OP posts:
OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 16/03/2024 08:28

I would leave and get the house on the market/him buy you out ASAP. He is abusive.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 16/03/2024 08:30

So, what happened next? Did he let you in?

It's totally unacceptable. Do you think the relationship is worth continuing? I'm not sure I would.

Chocolateorange11 · 16/03/2024 08:30

This is really bad. It’s bad enough he left you on your own but he left you on the street overnight. He didn’t care whether you were safe or not.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. Especially if I didn’t have children

NotStylishOrBeautiful · 16/03/2024 08:31

What happened? Did you get in?

Wolfiefan · 16/03/2024 08:33

What oh said.
He has a bad temper? Why do women put up with this shit?!

BigPussyEnergy · 16/03/2024 08:35

He sounds like a dickhead. Unless there are some extenuating circumstances (his parent just died or something) his hotheadedness and abusive behaviour afterwards would have me running for the hills.

Well, in truth it would have me staying put and tiptoeing around him for 9 years, before running for the hills when he got aggressive towards me and I had to call the police. But don’t be me.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/03/2024 08:36

Your standards would have to be in the gutter to stay with this man.

AgnesX · 16/03/2024 08:38

I'd be gobsmacked if my partner did anything like that (both get bolshy when drunk and then lock me out).

Does he always get aggressive after a few drinks? That would be a deal breaker for me personally.

Wintercrocus · 16/03/2024 08:41

Maybe I should have posted in AIBU but I kind of wanted independent opinions instead of putting ideas in your head. The only options I could think of were ring the police, try to book a hotel and get a taxi to it, or ring a friend and ask if I could stay with them. I don’t have anyone I felt comfortable doing that with, so I called the police - 101 obviously, not 999. He thinks that was massively unreasonable. Was it?

OP posts:
AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 16/03/2024 08:42

No it wasn’t. You should leave him.

kiwiane · 16/03/2024 08:43

No that was a good call! LTB

Moveoverdarlin · 16/03/2024 08:44

Where have you spent the night? I mean I’d lose the plot over this. Firstly leaving you to eat alone but locking you out of the house? Have you got somewhere to go that is obvious to him? Or has he just left you roaming the streets?

Where ever you are I’d stay there for the weekend, I’d keep out of his way. He was pissed last night and will wake up feeling like a total prick, threatening the motorist, passersby trying to calm him down, you eating alone, not letting you in your home…what a unstable, immature twat. For what? Because a bloke was parking but he thought he was driving too fast??. Personally I’d leave him over this. But if you won’t do that, I’d certainly fuck up his weekend. I’d ignore him, let him worry.

I’ve read so many posts from women on here this past week where they say my DH threatens to punch my Dad, my DP called me a cunt, he belittles me in front of our friends, but we’ve been together 10 years and he’s a great Dad. I’m fucking astounded so many put up with this shit, but end up stuck. Don’t be one of these women. Don’t accept a man not letting you in your OWN home.

hellsBells246 · 16/03/2024 08:44

What did your h think you should do when he wouldn't let you in? Sleep in the garden??

He was massively unreasonable, not you.

I'd leave him over this.

Scarletttulips · 16/03/2024 08:44

Why did you phone the police and what in earth did you think they could do?

You need to leave and you know you do.

So not bring children into this shit show. You deserve better.

I hope the driver reported him.

Mylovelygreendress · 16/03/2024 08:46

@Scarletttulips when my exh locked me out of our jointly owned I phoned the police and they made him open up . In fact they arrested him ! Many years ago but that’s what happened .

Foxblue · 16/03/2024 08:46

That was so unreasonable of him, absolutely not acceptable.

But... why are you with someone whose violent and has a bad temper? He's an adult man, what's he been doing doing to work on this?

lunar1 · 16/03/2024 08:46

There is absolutely no coming back from that, your home should be your safe place.

muggart · 16/03/2024 08:46

Good for you calling the police, it sends him a message not to push you around. did he expect you to sleep on the street? what a knob.

FiveShelties · 16/03/2024 08:47

So what did you do?

Ooops just seen your update --- good on you.

Mylovelygreendress · 16/03/2024 08:47

Are you in your home now ? Are you safe ?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/03/2024 08:47

Well done. He’s an abusive cunt. Speak to women’s aid this week.

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 16/03/2024 08:47

So where did you sleep?

Gcsunnyside23 · 16/03/2024 08:48

How long were you stuck outside before you called the police? I know people are saying it's not a police incident but if you had to keep banging on the door maybe shouting to get in then someone else would have called them. Your partner is the one that acted like a bellend so doesn't get to be angry at how you resolved the situation. If he was already choosing to get violent that night with someone else who knows how he may have reacted to you

greasypolemonkeyman · 16/03/2024 08:49

Jesus Christ. Threatening to punch drivers in the street, locking you out of a house that you jointly own. He really is a ginormous wanker isn't he? Eurgh!

Peasnbeans · 16/03/2024 08:49

Wish I'd called the police on mine when he deserved it. You didn't call 999, just for some support.
It's your own house!

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