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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mother's Day from hell

384 replies

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:35

Our second child almost two weeks old. Today my husband went to his football and should have been gone for 1.5 hours including travel time but was gone for 3. I said nothing about it.

He hates my parents for no good reason other than my dad is a typical dad of his era and just like me talking and watching sport an doesn’t make much effort with grandchildren until they are about 5 and can play golf, chess etc. my mother is very involved will play games and imaginative play with her grandchildren but she is a worrier so she does make comments like ‘ oh no X banged their head, will they be ok, should we call the doctor’ which annoys my husband because he wants our children to be very rough and tumble but she does mean well. I said if he’s going to football I’ll ask my mum to come around he wasn’t happy but he said fine. I made sure they only stayed 1 hour to make sure she and my dad were gone before he came home. I washed the dishes, put away the washing put another wash on, wiped the kitchen sides down, tidied the toy room and took care of the two children.

Once he finally came home first thing he said was ‘ did your dad come’ I said yes because I won’t lie and he said ‘oh that fucking twat I’d love to smash him and your bother in The fucking face’. I burst into tears I simply said can you just not hold your tongue for one day as he says this to me pretty much every day. I went upstairs and he followed me and apologised and hugged me and when he hugged me I felt so angry but of course I just said ‘ it’s fine’ and he has gaslit me and said ‘ it’s ok it’s your hormones’ again this made my blood boil but I said nothing.

We watched the rugby which I can’t stand and he refused to talk to me and I kept trying to talk because I’m weak and just want to move on and try and salvage the day.

then my mum text and said would I like an electric clothes dryer and I said yes please he then kicked off about that saying wtf is wrong with mum mum why is she wasting money on shit like that and I explained it’s to make my life a little bit easier and he just kept on about how my mum is a Fucking idiot and just wants to add clutter to our home. Bear in mind our home is spotless as we have a toy room for the kids. He then called me a cunt and several other names and kept saying how he would love to beat up my brother and dad. wtf . Then I said my brother and dad don’t even give you a second thought why do you hate my brother and dad so much. That was then turned back on me by him as me apprently saying ‘my family are better than his’ …again another wtf moment as I never said that!

Anyway he then turns the football on after the rugby but continued to just be in his phone and I lost it… well lost it may my standards as I never kick off and said ‘it is Mother’s Day you have done all you wanted all day again and your not even watching the game your on your phone and I’m going to watch what I want’ I took the control and put the tv show friends on because it was lighthearted and to try and cheer myself up. Which he responded with ‘what fucking retard likes this show’.

This was further met with an onslaught of abuse… how ugly and lazy I am etc I went up to the bedroom and left him with the two children and within 5 minutes he brought he baby up saying he needs his nappy changed. Why he can’t do it I’m not sure! he has only changed the baby once and telling me my hormones are fucked and it’s just a normal day and to get a grip. He’s like this on Mother’s Day with our toddler he called me a cunt at half 8 in the morning ‘ for a laugh’ which made me cry as it was my first ever Mother’s Day. He does this sort of behaviour at my birthday and Christmas or any family gathering with my side of the family but Father’s Day and his birthday or events with his family are the absolute opposite

P.s he didn’t manage to get me a present and I had to call his mum to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she thanked ‘US’ For the flowers which I obviously sent and paid for

I’m still held up in the bedroom and he’s now just come up and asked me what am I making for tea because him and our toddler are hungry. I told him he knows what a kitchen is and to use it. Now I can hear him in the kitchen saying things to our toddler like ‘ mummy is too tired to cook anything isn’t she’ and ‘ it’s boys night tonight by the looks of it’ he’s slamming doors and cupboards attempting to make something which is probably beans on toast. Will be interesting if he thinks to make me something

Just needed a rant or be honest

OP posts:
Teacup19 · 12/03/2024 13:58

His texts to you about "I think we need some space" and "you need to think about what you've done " are predictable laughable ways of him trying to control the narrative of "poor me. I was kicked out by my crazy hormonal wife".

Peoplecoveredinfish · 12/03/2024 15:41

Excellent, it could not have gone better. Change the locks, including windows, you do not want him back in there at all without your knowledge. If he wants anything he can ask for it. Insist all further communication is through a third party, ideally a solicitor or a professional or some sort (women aid may advise) and block him on everything. Now. He can whistle for the kids through the proper channels (he won't)

Get all the paperwork and passwords you can together and change everything you possible to something completely new, random and proper secure. ALL of them. Do not assume anything has been private so far. Clear all the bank accounts to new ones in your sole name and and get any credit facility halted at once.

I know it seems a lot. But you'll end up doing it all anyway, and he will only use it to control you in the meantime. What kind of gaslighting dick fools you that he's ignoring you some more, then comes back with chocolates? Instead of just apologising, admitting he was a dick and giving you a break? Yeah, the kind that hasn't really left and also has all the passwords and the keys to the castle. Please assume the worst. You have nothing to lose. (Check for cameras, too. I doubt it, but you never know)

Imjustagirlintheworld · 12/03/2024 16:46

He’s a textbook narcissist.

Check out Shadow DeAngelis and Elizabeth Shaw’s videos on Instagram- they’re experts in this and watching their videos will help you identify and understand his behaviour and how it’s all about control and manipulation of his victim (you)

Blondie1209 · 12/03/2024 17:29

I just wanted to add my show of support to you, OP! What you've done is bloody fantastic! Please be proud of this massive step you have taken. 💪 You are on your way to your new life now. Enjoy it! 💐

OhamIreally · 12/03/2024 18:26

You've done brilliantly. I'm joining your dad in his chorus of Haleluja.

Just think, if he'd brought those chocolates and flowers 24 hours earlier the camel's back may have remained unbroken.

Sorry Prick you were too late 🥳

merryandbrightdelight · 13/03/2024 15:17

A massive well done to you, op! I'm pleased you have your parents, and a good relationship with your MIL, and you will recover from this. Have a lovely holiday at the end of May, you truly deserve it!

Notthegodofsmallthings · 13/03/2024 20:01

It's so great to read your updates, OP, what an incredible woman you are. It sounds like your parents are amazing, what a great comfort to have their love and support.

Secondstart1001 · 13/03/2024 22:47

I’m so glad that he fucked off! abusive beyond belief! I hope every day gets better for you 🌻

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/03/2024 18:06

@momentsofmadnesstoday

How are you doing now,
it's a week since Mother's Day, I hope you are still safely with your parents.

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