Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mother's Day from hell

384 replies

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:35

Our second child almost two weeks old. Today my husband went to his football and should have been gone for 1.5 hours including travel time but was gone for 3. I said nothing about it.

He hates my parents for no good reason other than my dad is a typical dad of his era and just like me talking and watching sport an doesn’t make much effort with grandchildren until they are about 5 and can play golf, chess etc. my mother is very involved will play games and imaginative play with her grandchildren but she is a worrier so she does make comments like ‘ oh no X banged their head, will they be ok, should we call the doctor’ which annoys my husband because he wants our children to be very rough and tumble but she does mean well. I said if he’s going to football I’ll ask my mum to come around he wasn’t happy but he said fine. I made sure they only stayed 1 hour to make sure she and my dad were gone before he came home. I washed the dishes, put away the washing put another wash on, wiped the kitchen sides down, tidied the toy room and took care of the two children.

Once he finally came home first thing he said was ‘ did your dad come’ I said yes because I won’t lie and he said ‘oh that fucking twat I’d love to smash him and your bother in The fucking face’. I burst into tears I simply said can you just not hold your tongue for one day as he says this to me pretty much every day. I went upstairs and he followed me and apologised and hugged me and when he hugged me I felt so angry but of course I just said ‘ it’s fine’ and he has gaslit me and said ‘ it’s ok it’s your hormones’ again this made my blood boil but I said nothing.

We watched the rugby which I can’t stand and he refused to talk to me and I kept trying to talk because I’m weak and just want to move on and try and salvage the day.

then my mum text and said would I like an electric clothes dryer and I said yes please he then kicked off about that saying wtf is wrong with mum mum why is she wasting money on shit like that and I explained it’s to make my life a little bit easier and he just kept on about how my mum is a Fucking idiot and just wants to add clutter to our home. Bear in mind our home is spotless as we have a toy room for the kids. He then called me a cunt and several other names and kept saying how he would love to beat up my brother and dad. wtf . Then I said my brother and dad don’t even give you a second thought why do you hate my brother and dad so much. That was then turned back on me by him as me apprently saying ‘my family are better than his’ …again another wtf moment as I never said that!

Anyway he then turns the football on after the rugby but continued to just be in his phone and I lost it… well lost it may my standards as I never kick off and said ‘it is Mother’s Day you have done all you wanted all day again and your not even watching the game your on your phone and I’m going to watch what I want’ I took the control and put the tv show friends on because it was lighthearted and to try and cheer myself up. Which he responded with ‘what fucking retard likes this show’.

This was further met with an onslaught of abuse… how ugly and lazy I am etc I went up to the bedroom and left him with the two children and within 5 minutes he brought he baby up saying he needs his nappy changed. Why he can’t do it I’m not sure! he has only changed the baby once and telling me my hormones are fucked and it’s just a normal day and to get a grip. He’s like this on Mother’s Day with our toddler he called me a cunt at half 8 in the morning ‘ for a laugh’ which made me cry as it was my first ever Mother’s Day. He does this sort of behaviour at my birthday and Christmas or any family gathering with my side of the family but Father’s Day and his birthday or events with his family are the absolute opposite

P.s he didn’t manage to get me a present and I had to call his mum to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she thanked ‘US’ For the flowers which I obviously sent and paid for

I’m still held up in the bedroom and he’s now just come up and asked me what am I making for tea because him and our toddler are hungry. I told him he knows what a kitchen is and to use it. Now I can hear him in the kitchen saying things to our toddler like ‘ mummy is too tired to cook anything isn’t she’ and ‘ it’s boys night tonight by the looks of it’ he’s slamming doors and cupboards attempting to make something which is probably beans on toast. Will be interesting if he thinks to make me something

Just needed a rant or be honest

OP posts:
newyear2024 · 10/03/2024 19:39

Your husband is extremely abusive OP, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, gaslighting you and trying to alienate you from your family. You don't deserve this. You need to get away from him. I really hope you find the strength x

mcmooberry · 10/03/2024 19:40

He sounds absolutely awful, is there any way you can stay at your parents with the children? It sounds like no life for you, or your children witnessing this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/03/2024 19:41

This is no environment for you or for your children. How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

Scaffoldingisugly · 10/03/2024 19:42

Ring your parents. Go stay there.. And take your dc with you. Make plans to never go back until he has left....

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 10/03/2024 19:43

You need to leave. I can't stress enough this will only get worse. Please start quietly forming your exit plan.

Scaffoldingisugly · 10/03/2024 19:43

Or ring the police and have him removed.

Starfish1021 · 10/03/2024 19:43

Honestly this is one of the most disturbing things I’ve read in a long time. You have what sounds like very caring parents, you need to think really carefully about what you actually want in life. This man sound dangerous and is abusing you, in front of your children.

Epidote · 10/03/2024 19:43

Can you LTB? If so do it. He is a horrible person.
Happy Mother's day, 🎁

PinkLemonade555 · 10/03/2024 19:44

Why do women procreate with these absolute pieces of shit.

you don’t need a rant OP you need to leave.

merryandbrightdelight · 10/03/2024 19:47

Leave this absolute vile human being! He brings nothing to your life and your parents sound lovely. Do they know what he's like? Could you stay with them? Leave him, put the house on the market and have done with him. And all of the times you ponder if you're doing the right thing, go back and read this post and all of the replies from everyone and remember you deserve so much more than him. Disgusting pig

lovemycbf · 10/03/2024 19:47

Your poor children growing up thinking that this is how you treat women or this is how women expect to be treated.
Sounds toxic and abusive and I'd rather be in my own as a single mother than put up with this shit
Run as fast as you can away from this vile excuse of a man

ilovepixie · 10/03/2024 19:48

Please leave him now. If not for your sake, then for your children. If you stay they will grow up damaged and emotionally scarred.

Anywherebuthere · 10/03/2024 19:48

He sounds absolutely awful OP.
You can't spend your life with him. You and your children deserve better than this. Your children are at risk of picking up and learning from him.

I hope you can find a safe way out.

Mrspatmoresspoon · 10/03/2024 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/03/2024 19:49

I'm actually horrified that you don't seem to understand how abusive and fucking horrible your husband is. Your children are going to be ruined growing up around this man. They are going to grow up thinking this abuse is totally normal. Please get yourself and your kids away from him.

PlantDoctor · 10/03/2024 19:50

Jesus. Did something happen today to make him this horrendous? If he's like the all the time then you need to leave. Don't raise a child in this hostile life.

brightpompoms · 10/03/2024 19:50

Would you parents be able to have you and the kids live there for a little bit whilst you arrange a divorce?

Shouldbedoing · 10/03/2024 19:51

I just scrolled back to check and confirm that your baby is just 2 weeks old! He should be waiting on you hand and foot. Gather up your babies and run home to Mum and Dad. He's a monster.

LoudSnoringDog · 10/03/2024 19:53

I’ve read some shit on here but this is up there

he’s an abusive wanker.

user8800 · 10/03/2024 19:54

You are being abused
Call women's aid
Call your parents
Get your dc out of this awful situation

AnnaTortoiseshell · 10/03/2024 19:54

What kind of life is this for you, and your poor children?

This man is abusing you.

Your children are being emotionally abused, by witnessing this. He is abusing them, and, sadly, you are allowing him to do so.

Your children will most likely copy what they see. Do you want your sons to treat women this way? Or for them to treat you this way, when they are teens?

Please find a way to leave. You deserve better and your children deserve better.

Mama1980 · 10/03/2024 19:55

Op this is awful. He is an abusive man and you need to get out. You cannot allow your children to grow up thinking this behaviour is ok.
Please take your children and go home to your mum and dad right now, call women's aid and they will help you make a plan moving forward.

Popetthetreehugger · 10/03/2024 19:56

Please run , you can work out the nuts and bolts later . Just don’t let you children think this is normal xx

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:56

I know you are all right. My parents would welcome me and children and have room for us. They would even likely help me get a mortgage on a a house and there is a fair bit of money I would get from the house sale so financially I would be fine. I would need to go back to work earlier than I had hoped. My parents know what he's like not because I tell them anything I wouldn't do that but because he is rude to their faces. My mum said to me today what time is he back so we can make sure we are gone. I feel very guilty exposing my children to this sort of person but until I wrote this down I don't think I did realise how abusive he is as he's very much like this on any special occasion and probably once a week. The rest of the time he's the doting husband and dad which is what confuses me. I feel devastes for my children not having a dad live with them if I left and I know he would fight me tooth and nail for 50/50 and I just can't give my children up like that. I'm crying at the thought of not having my children with me full time

OP posts:
Gowlett · 10/03/2024 19:56

A lot of posters don’t actually understand marital abuse, and how insidious it can be. OP’s husband is clearly horrible, but she is just used to it now. She’s being alienated from her family (classic abuse). She has a new baby. He knows that she doesn’t have the strength right now. He knows! But someday hopefully you will, OP… I know how bad it is, though.