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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mother's Day from hell

384 replies

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:35

Our second child almost two weeks old. Today my husband went to his football and should have been gone for 1.5 hours including travel time but was gone for 3. I said nothing about it.

He hates my parents for no good reason other than my dad is a typical dad of his era and just like me talking and watching sport an doesn’t make much effort with grandchildren until they are about 5 and can play golf, chess etc. my mother is very involved will play games and imaginative play with her grandchildren but she is a worrier so she does make comments like ‘ oh no X banged their head, will they be ok, should we call the doctor’ which annoys my husband because he wants our children to be very rough and tumble but she does mean well. I said if he’s going to football I’ll ask my mum to come around he wasn’t happy but he said fine. I made sure they only stayed 1 hour to make sure she and my dad were gone before he came home. I washed the dishes, put away the washing put another wash on, wiped the kitchen sides down, tidied the toy room and took care of the two children.

Once he finally came home first thing he said was ‘ did your dad come’ I said yes because I won’t lie and he said ‘oh that fucking twat I’d love to smash him and your bother in The fucking face’. I burst into tears I simply said can you just not hold your tongue for one day as he says this to me pretty much every day. I went upstairs and he followed me and apologised and hugged me and when he hugged me I felt so angry but of course I just said ‘ it’s fine’ and he has gaslit me and said ‘ it’s ok it’s your hormones’ again this made my blood boil but I said nothing.

We watched the rugby which I can’t stand and he refused to talk to me and I kept trying to talk because I’m weak and just want to move on and try and salvage the day.

then my mum text and said would I like an electric clothes dryer and I said yes please he then kicked off about that saying wtf is wrong with mum mum why is she wasting money on shit like that and I explained it’s to make my life a little bit easier and he just kept on about how my mum is a Fucking idiot and just wants to add clutter to our home. Bear in mind our home is spotless as we have a toy room for the kids. He then called me a cunt and several other names and kept saying how he would love to beat up my brother and dad. wtf . Then I said my brother and dad don’t even give you a second thought why do you hate my brother and dad so much. That was then turned back on me by him as me apprently saying ‘my family are better than his’ …again another wtf moment as I never said that!

Anyway he then turns the football on after the rugby but continued to just be in his phone and I lost it… well lost it may my standards as I never kick off and said ‘it is Mother’s Day you have done all you wanted all day again and your not even watching the game your on your phone and I’m going to watch what I want’ I took the control and put the tv show friends on because it was lighthearted and to try and cheer myself up. Which he responded with ‘what fucking retard likes this show’.

This was further met with an onslaught of abuse… how ugly and lazy I am etc I went up to the bedroom and left him with the two children and within 5 minutes he brought he baby up saying he needs his nappy changed. Why he can’t do it I’m not sure! he has only changed the baby once and telling me my hormones are fucked and it’s just a normal day and to get a grip. He’s like this on Mother’s Day with our toddler he called me a cunt at half 8 in the morning ‘ for a laugh’ which made me cry as it was my first ever Mother’s Day. He does this sort of behaviour at my birthday and Christmas or any family gathering with my side of the family but Father’s Day and his birthday or events with his family are the absolute opposite

P.s he didn’t manage to get me a present and I had to call his mum to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she thanked ‘US’ For the flowers which I obviously sent and paid for

I’m still held up in the bedroom and he’s now just come up and asked me what am I making for tea because him and our toddler are hungry. I told him he knows what a kitchen is and to use it. Now I can hear him in the kitchen saying things to our toddler like ‘ mummy is too tired to cook anything isn’t she’ and ‘ it’s boys night tonight by the looks of it’ he’s slamming doors and cupboards attempting to make something which is probably beans on toast. Will be interesting if he thinks to make me something

Just needed a rant or be honest

OP posts:
Robinkitty · 10/03/2024 20:43

I’ve lived this life op and I can assure you that by staying with him you will never win, your children will grow up to think his behaviour is normal. The sooner you leave the better, for yourself and your children.

BirthdayRainbow · 10/03/2024 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What is wrong with you?

MikeRafone · 10/03/2024 20:45

Your husband is a spoiler, spoils events on purpose to make himself feel content

why does he bring the baby up to get the nappy changed

because you don’t say

“are you such a fucking idiot you don’t know how to change a nappy you lazy cunt”

cos that he wouldn’t like - but if reversed it’s what he’d say

he will not change as he’s a spoilt brat

Saymyname28 · 10/03/2024 20:47

This man is abusing you, and he is teaching your children to be abusers. You need to leave. As soon as you can, the second he leave the house for work or a hobby you pack the kids up and you go to your parents.

He wasn't like this until I was pregnant with my first child. He never raised his voice or called me names or gaslit me and he even got on well with my family but as soon as I got pregnant he switched
Mine did the same, it's a well known thing that happens to some men, that why midwives ask every single time they see you if you're safe, because men think that once they've trapped you with a baby that they own you and can treat you however they want and you can't do anything about it. Prove him wrong, show him how much stronger you are than his abuse.

2chocolateoranges · 10/03/2024 20:49

I hope you find the strength to leave soon, you do not want your boys thinking that this is normal behaviour and that his is how men treat women and that women should accept this behaviour.

Cherrysherbet · 10/03/2024 20:54

I’m sorry you’re going through this op.
You really don’t deserve it, and I hope you find the strength you need to walk away 💐

StrawberryWater · 10/03/2024 20:54

Please get all your important documents together and leave asap.

Just go. Pack a bag for you and the kids and leave when he goes to work.

Block him after you tell him that any and all communication needs to go through your parents or a parenting app from now on and he'll be hearing from your solicitor in due course.

Leave before you and your children become statistics.

FunkyMonks · 10/03/2024 20:55

Op this is truly heartbreaking and I feel for you and your DCs.
Please leave don't allow yourself or your DCs to become victims of domestic violence or become another family that's been murdered by an abusive partner because that's what could be next.

While you have the love and support of your parents I would be leaving and going to them for support and a safe place to stay.

Defiantly call the police tomorrow and as a pp mentioned leave as soon as he's gone to work grab all the important things and leave the rest is just materialistic most important thing is the safety of you and your DCs.

Get a restraining order against him whilst you battle divorce and sale of house.

Don't back down and don't allow him to make you think he will change he won't never will.

Alwaystired23 · 10/03/2024 20:55

He wants to smash your dad's and brothers face in, because they can clearly see what a fucking looser your husband is, and he knows they know! Op, leave him. What a fucking horrible twat. You deserve so much better. If you can't do it for you, do it was for your children. Here is my first ever LTB.

Whatwouldnanado · 10/03/2024 20:55

Get the hell out of this dangerous situation as soon as you can. Is he at work tomorrow? Pack his stuff. Custody issues can be sorted later.

Upallnight2 · 10/03/2024 20:59

PinkLemonade555 · 10/03/2024 19:44

Why do women procreate with these absolute pieces of shit.

you don’t need a rant OP you need to leave.

Edited

It's absolutely mind boggling isn't it

NHStoPrivate · 10/03/2024 21:01

Jeez, @momentsofmadnesstoday, this was difficult to read. I'm so sorry he's treating you like this.

I bet he'll say he wants the kids 50% of the time, until he realises he'd have to have the kids 50% of the time.

I'd leave him. It sounds like you have good support available to you. Good luck.

bzarda · 10/03/2024 21:02

I hope you can find the strength to leave. Do not worry about your children not having their dad around. If you stay, this behaviour will be normalised for them and affect what they think is acceptable in their own relationships.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 10/03/2024 21:03

I didn't get far past the smashing in your dad's and brother's faces. That really says it all. Jesus Christ, OP. I washed black mold off my walls today and threw out a bunch of my ex husband's shit (a shitty and wonderful mother's day, all in one!). I thought I had it bad today! You know what you must do, right?

crew2022 · 10/03/2024 21:04

Please please leave him. Don't let him stop you from being close to your family.
Go and stay with your parents and let them help you.
He's abusing you. And the children don't need to be around this. It's not good for them.

Einevinefine · 10/03/2024 21:06

This is one of the most appalling disturbing reads on MN I’ve read.

Please hear each of us in the chorus to leave him please please for own sake and your children.

Make your way to your way to your Mum’s.

Thinking of you, best wishes 🌷🌸🌷

maxybrown · 10/03/2024 21:07

Please please go to your parents. This is just awful. Nice people don't call you a cunt. You are not. You do not deserve this. Neither do your children.
I do realise it can be really difficult to leave. I know in theory it's all so easy but the fact you've posted on here shows you are reaching out in some way. You have your parents and family. Please go to them. You're a long time dead. Why live your life with this arrogant arsehole? What a total dick he is. Before you know it years will have passed and you won't even recognise yourself. Please please go. You are worth putting yourself and children first. Believe that.

NorthernSpirit · 10/03/2024 21:08

Starfish1021 · 10/03/2024 19:43

Honestly this is one of the most disturbing things I’ve read in a long time. You have what sounds like very caring parents, you need to think really carefully about what you actually want in life. This man sound dangerous and is abusing you, in front of your children.

This 👆

He’s extremely dangerous and abusive to you & your child. You do not have to put up with this.

You need to leave as soon as you can before he physically hurts you or any one close to you.

When I read this - ‘oh that fucking twat I’d love to smash him and your bother in The fucking face’. It actually made me shudder.

thisisasurvivor · 10/03/2024 21:08

Scaffoldingisugly · 10/03/2024 19:43

Or ring the police and have him removed.

Yes to this

What a bastard

What an awful thing to say

You must follow the advice on here op
So sorry xxxxxx

thisisasurvivor · 10/03/2024 21:09

PinkLemonade555 · 10/03/2024 19:44

Why do women procreate with these absolute pieces of shit.

you don’t need a rant OP you need to leave.

Edited

Because many of these Fckers act like gents and then when baby arrives the abuse escalates

So very cruel to say this

hellsBells246 · 10/03/2024 21:09

Why on earth are you still with him?

DrunkenElephant · 10/03/2024 21:09

Your post is really upsetting. He is abusing you, and the best thing you could do for you and your children is leave.

Go to your family, let them help you build a new life for you and your children before they become deeply affected by living in an abusive home.

He won’t take them 50/50, they never do. Please, please leave him. You deserve so much more than this x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/03/2024 21:09

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:58

I've told him countless time he is abusive and he has laughed in my face and told me I don't know what abuse is. He's made it clear to me it's my hormones this time, it was my hormones when I was pregnant. He wasn't like this until I was pregnant with my first child. He never raised his voice or called me names or gaslit me and he even got on well with my family but as soon as I got pregnant he switched

Of course he won't admit it.

Please listen to everyone here not him and get out and go to your parents. Show them this post if you don't know how to tell them what he's like. My parents helped me bring up my baby and I was so much happier with them than I would have been with my horrible selfish ex

Run away xxxx

LadyMuckonpancakes · 10/03/2024 21:10

Get out of there. Wait until he’s out for several hours. Pack up all your stuff, get the children and go to your parents. Start divorce proceedings immediately afterward. He sounds absolutely vile.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/03/2024 21:10

@newyear2024 well put