Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mother's Day from hell

384 replies

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:35

Our second child almost two weeks old. Today my husband went to his football and should have been gone for 1.5 hours including travel time but was gone for 3. I said nothing about it.

He hates my parents for no good reason other than my dad is a typical dad of his era and just like me talking and watching sport an doesn’t make much effort with grandchildren until they are about 5 and can play golf, chess etc. my mother is very involved will play games and imaginative play with her grandchildren but she is a worrier so she does make comments like ‘ oh no X banged their head, will they be ok, should we call the doctor’ which annoys my husband because he wants our children to be very rough and tumble but she does mean well. I said if he’s going to football I’ll ask my mum to come around he wasn’t happy but he said fine. I made sure they only stayed 1 hour to make sure she and my dad were gone before he came home. I washed the dishes, put away the washing put another wash on, wiped the kitchen sides down, tidied the toy room and took care of the two children.

Once he finally came home first thing he said was ‘ did your dad come’ I said yes because I won’t lie and he said ‘oh that fucking twat I’d love to smash him and your bother in The fucking face’. I burst into tears I simply said can you just not hold your tongue for one day as he says this to me pretty much every day. I went upstairs and he followed me and apologised and hugged me and when he hugged me I felt so angry but of course I just said ‘ it’s fine’ and he has gaslit me and said ‘ it’s ok it’s your hormones’ again this made my blood boil but I said nothing.

We watched the rugby which I can’t stand and he refused to talk to me and I kept trying to talk because I’m weak and just want to move on and try and salvage the day.

then my mum text and said would I like an electric clothes dryer and I said yes please he then kicked off about that saying wtf is wrong with mum mum why is she wasting money on shit like that and I explained it’s to make my life a little bit easier and he just kept on about how my mum is a Fucking idiot and just wants to add clutter to our home. Bear in mind our home is spotless as we have a toy room for the kids. He then called me a cunt and several other names and kept saying how he would love to beat up my brother and dad. wtf . Then I said my brother and dad don’t even give you a second thought why do you hate my brother and dad so much. That was then turned back on me by him as me apprently saying ‘my family are better than his’ …again another wtf moment as I never said that!

Anyway he then turns the football on after the rugby but continued to just be in his phone and I lost it… well lost it may my standards as I never kick off and said ‘it is Mother’s Day you have done all you wanted all day again and your not even watching the game your on your phone and I’m going to watch what I want’ I took the control and put the tv show friends on because it was lighthearted and to try and cheer myself up. Which he responded with ‘what fucking retard likes this show’.

This was further met with an onslaught of abuse… how ugly and lazy I am etc I went up to the bedroom and left him with the two children and within 5 minutes he brought he baby up saying he needs his nappy changed. Why he can’t do it I’m not sure! he has only changed the baby once and telling me my hormones are fucked and it’s just a normal day and to get a grip. He’s like this on Mother’s Day with our toddler he called me a cunt at half 8 in the morning ‘ for a laugh’ which made me cry as it was my first ever Mother’s Day. He does this sort of behaviour at my birthday and Christmas or any family gathering with my side of the family but Father’s Day and his birthday or events with his family are the absolute opposite

P.s he didn’t manage to get me a present and I had to call his mum to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she thanked ‘US’ For the flowers which I obviously sent and paid for

I’m still held up in the bedroom and he’s now just come up and asked me what am I making for tea because him and our toddler are hungry. I told him he knows what a kitchen is and to use it. Now I can hear him in the kitchen saying things to our toddler like ‘ mummy is too tired to cook anything isn’t she’ and ‘ it’s boys night tonight by the looks of it’ he’s slamming doors and cupboards attempting to make something which is probably beans on toast. Will be interesting if he thinks to make me something

Just needed a rant or be honest

OP posts:
Garlicnaan · 10/03/2024 21:11

Can't believe what I've just read tbh. OP I really feel for you. He's really ground you down and you need to dig deep for your DC.

He's abusive, and witnessing abuse can rewire little children's brains negatively in a way that affects them for life, in so many aspects. For their sake and yours, please get out and away as soon as you can.

hellsBells246 · 10/03/2024 21:12

You and your dc deserve so much better. This is appalling abuse; I have rarely read worse.

It's very common for abusers to start being abusive when you are pregnant with his baby and you are trapped.

I'd ring Women's Aid for advice. And tell your parents.

Your poor dc.

FairFuming · 10/03/2024 21:13

Get your kids, pack the essentials and leave. There is support and help you use to can get out. Life's too short to put up with this shit and you deserve better. Go and stay with your family and call woman's aid and CAB and your local council housing support tomorrow

PinkLemonade555 · 10/03/2024 21:14

thisisasurvivor · 10/03/2024 21:09

Because many of these Fckers act like gents and then when baby arrives the abuse escalates

So very cruel to say this

I agree it escalates but I think deep down, you can see it. They aren’t that good at hiding it. Intuitively you know.

I’ve been in an abusive relationship. I know how it goes. I’m just expressing sadness that women in general are conditioned to put up with such poor treatment from men. And then even worse they have kids with them and are even more trapped.

Ewock · 10/03/2024 21:16

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 20:11

@newyear2024 that is exactly what has happened and how I am feeling

I hope you find the strength to leave and find a happier life. Your post made me cry with how abusive your husband is. A close friend of mine was in an abusive marriage and as a pp said it started slowly and didn't really build up till she had her first child.
It sounds like you have a great support system, which when you're ready you'll be able to lean on.
Wishing you strength and future happiness

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/03/2024 21:19

Do you really really really think he is going to look after the children 50/50 - what about his work - how can he look after a 2 week old baby and work ?

Run run fast - you are so lucky you have parents that will support you.

Ariana12 · 10/03/2024 21:21

Really feel for you and hope that all the messages of support here will help you to feel a bit stronger. It absolutely feels as though you need to plan your exit. Make a note of the poor behaviour especially where it's in front of the children. Plan you exit. Enlist your parents' help. Get some legal advice. This is not a situation that you should put up with. Remember you aren't defined by him and his horrible comments

Bobskeleton · 10/03/2024 21:21

Please leave him. Please take yourself and your children and go to your loving and supportive parents for help.

ClemmyTine · 10/03/2024 21:23

You need to get your heaviest pan and when he is asleep hit him in the face with it and say it was an accident

What a tosser.

Greywhippet · 10/03/2024 21:25

What a disgusting man. Get away from the twat

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 10/03/2024 21:28

So sorry he has turned out to be a bully and abuser OP. He sounds vile.

I don't suppose he changed when you got pregnant - he just stopped hiding what he is really like.

You are not happy.
You do deserve to be.

Sadly, you can't change him but you can change the situation and live away from him.

Your children deserve to be happy - in the longterm - too. Staying with this man and accepting his treatment of you is not giving your children the life they deserve or the life education they need.

(Your suffering could be passed down to them through the examples they are living with. Protect them from this sort of relationship when they group up!)

Wishing you strength in the next weeks and many better times ahead.

Figgygal · 10/03/2024 21:33

You've said you have a waY out with a supportive family please use it and leave the pig. Don't stay until he gets physical which seems possible if not likely.

Neveranynamesleft · 10/03/2024 21:33

I wrote earlier on a previous thread about the idiot of the day. I stand corrected. You have him right there with you.

Please, please leave this awful excuse of a man. You deserve so much more.

Teacup19 · 10/03/2024 21:38

Wait until he goes to work, get your parents over, pack up and leave.

Xyz1234567 · 10/03/2024 21:39

Teacup19 · 10/03/2024 21:38

Wait until he goes to work, get your parents over, pack up and leave.

Yes and don't give him any inkling whatsoever beforehand.

piscofrisco · 10/03/2024 21:44

He sounds vile. And you need to get as far away from him as you can, as quickly as you can.
Your mum sounds lovely. And I would bet you anything you like that she thinks the same.

TinyGingerCat · 10/03/2024 21:45

This post made me feel sick - none of this is acceptable. I've been with my DH 30 years and he has never called me a cunt or threatened violence towards anyone. Get your stuff together as soon as he is out of the house and leave. Your mum and dad sound lovely and I bet they know what's going on and will welcome you with open arms.

CheeseyOnionPie · 10/03/2024 21:46

I’m sorry but he obviously hates you. He’s abusing you. Leave him. He’s an animal.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 10/03/2024 21:48

momentsofmadnesstoday · 10/03/2024 19:56

I know you are all right. My parents would welcome me and children and have room for us. They would even likely help me get a mortgage on a a house and there is a fair bit of money I would get from the house sale so financially I would be fine. I would need to go back to work earlier than I had hoped. My parents know what he's like not because I tell them anything I wouldn't do that but because he is rude to their faces. My mum said to me today what time is he back so we can make sure we are gone. I feel very guilty exposing my children to this sort of person but until I wrote this down I don't think I did realise how abusive he is as he's very much like this on any special occasion and probably once a week. The rest of the time he's the doting husband and dad which is what confuses me. I feel devastes for my children not having a dad live with them if I left and I know he would fight me tooth and nail for 50/50 and I just can't give my children up like that. I'm crying at the thought of not having my children with me full time

I’m not sure I would worry about his attempting to have the children 50/50. I think he would look as if he was trying, in order not to pay child maintenance, but he wouldn’t actually want the bother of looking after them.
I understand that it is hard, but I really, really hope that you can summon the energy and courage to leave him. It is not good for you, but very much not good for your children. Your family sound lovely and supportive, so go to them.

BIossomtoes · 10/03/2024 21:48

TinyGingerCat · 10/03/2024 21:45

This post made me feel sick - none of this is acceptable. I've been with my DH 30 years and he has never called me a cunt or threatened violence towards anyone. Get your stuff together as soon as he is out of the house and leave. Your mum and dad sound lovely and I bet they know what's going on and will welcome you with open arms.

Edited

This. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to live with a man like this. Please, please leave @momentsofmadnesstoday.

Aviee · 10/03/2024 21:49

I'm so sorry. You can't stay there x

ChampagneLassie · 10/03/2024 21:49

LTB

notmyring · 10/03/2024 21:50

Sorry to hear but what an absolute Ar$ehole - I would leave him as I would want a good role model for my children! You are totally abused by him. How awful!!! Don’t know why he thinks he can get away with such behaviour

Shesellsseashellsunluckyshespoor · 10/03/2024 21:53

L e a v e H i m

tkwal · 10/03/2024 21:54

I hope you find the strength to leave this horrible man. It might help if you think about your son saying those same cruel words sometime because of the example he is being set.
If it was me I'd spend the time he's at work tomorrow gathering all the paperwork, clothes and necessities you can and move out.
Go see a solicitor too and make an affidavit about his treatment of you. Then apply for a non molestation order. I'm glad your parents are so supportive and you have a safe place to go to

Swipe left for the next trending thread