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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

365 replies

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:19

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

OP posts:
WoodBurningStov · 05/03/2024 22:46

Yes the police may contact ss, but it's unlikely ss will speak to the dc if they were out of the house. Ss will help you. If you don't and you leave this man it won't be on record he attacked you and you'll have less ability to keep them safe.

BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:47

Please do reach out to your family tomorrow.
You don't have to wait for him to leave, he probably never will.
Yes this is going to be hard for you and the kids but staying could be so much harder in the long run.
I'm glad you are feeling a little better talking about it, I think you will feel even better when you tell your loved ones.

AdoraBell · 05/03/2024 22:48

Report him to the police, take pictures of any bruises or any other visible injuries and send them to the police. Same with your GP.

You have no reason to be ashamed. Tell your friends and family.

MissLou0 · 05/03/2024 22:48

I know you have photos but you need to go now whilst you still have bruises. Photos can be edited and you’ll have a much stronger case if the police themselves have taken the photos.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:48

WoodBurningStov · 05/03/2024 22:46

Yes the police may contact ss, but it's unlikely ss will speak to the dc if they were out of the house. Ss will help you. If you don't and you leave this man it won't be on record he attacked you and you'll have less ability to keep them safe.

I don't want my eldest to know this ever.

I need to protect their innocence

This is so horrible and I can't even cope
With what's going to happen now

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 05/03/2024 22:48

The line has been crossed and it will happen again you've had good advice from lots of pp try and act on it.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:49

BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:47

Please do reach out to your family tomorrow.
You don't have to wait for him to leave, he probably never will.
Yes this is going to be hard for you and the kids but staying could be so much harder in the long run.
I'm glad you are feeling a little better talking about it, I think you will feel even better when you tell your loved ones.

I've decided I'll go and see my mum tomorrow

I feel like she might hunt him down and give him some bruises though

OP posts:
TheMushroomFamily · 05/03/2024 22:50

Yes ss will be informed as they should be in this situation but if you are showing them that you aren’t staying with him then there won’t be any problems.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:50

Northernsouloldies · 05/03/2024 22:48

The line has been crossed and it will happen again you've had good advice from lots of pp try and act on it.

I'm really grateful for all of your replies it has really helped me see a bit clearer

I'll update tomorrow

I will snap out of this and sort my life out somehow

OP posts:
TraitorsGate · 05/03/2024 22:51

You are not pathetic, he is the pathetic one, reach out for support to your family and friends and let them help you get him out of your life. Call the police and woman's aid and tomorrow get all yours and dc paperwork together.

WoodBurningStov · 05/03/2024 22:51

It will be fine op, what happens next will be people helping you, this isn't your fault, you didn't bring this situation on the family, HE did. None of this is your fault

MissLou0 · 05/03/2024 22:52

OP please go to the hospital at least whilst you still have injuries so they have a record if you can’t go to the police yet.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:52

WoodBurningStov · 05/03/2024 22:51

It will be fine op, what happens next will be people helping you, this isn't your fault, you didn't bring this situation on the family, HE did. None of this is your fault

Thank you all

Honestly just thank you Daffodil

OP posts:
CharSiu · 05/03/2024 22:52

When a woman has been choked it increases their chance of being killed by their partner many times. Two women a week are killed by their partners or ex partners.

Whatever you do however sorry he seems do not let him have any idea that you are calling Police/Women’s Aid.

justasking111 · 05/03/2024 22:53

I'm so sorry. Get him out tomorrow. Just explain to eldest that daddy has gone away. He'll know divorced parents by this age.

Tortiemiaw · 05/03/2024 22:53

Stop thinking about it and do it. Tomorrow could be too late. We know you're scared, we know it's shocking and you want to protect the children but get off here and call the bloody police.

MistyBean · 05/03/2024 22:54

OP you should go to the police. However, I know it's very complex and you might not feel up to that. Could you contact women's aid to get some support? It feels impossible now, but women can leave abusive men, even if married, with no job etc. All barriers can be overcome x

Over40Overdating · 05/03/2024 22:55

You poor thing.

Won’t repeat what’s already been said except to say the only shame is his and he deserves to lose his family through his own actions. One time to too many times for what he’s done.

CrotchetyQuaver · 05/03/2024 22:56

Sadly been in this situation myself. You must tell your mum, in fact do you even need to tell her just get her in her own and show her the bruises and take it from there.

You need the family support and yes I would report it to the police but but but I fear it most likely won't lead to a conviction as it'll boil down to your word against his with no witnesses.
You also must get counselling for yourself at some point.

When the time is right I would tell your older son what happened and why you left. It will be hard for him but he shouldn't be idolising someone who behaves like that and deserves the honesty from you.

The comment upthread about finding your anger at being treated like this in the same way you would if it was a stranger is excellent advice.

I wish you all the best Flowers

Tel12 · 05/03/2024 22:57

See your mum tomorrow and tell her what's happened. She will want to support you.

ElizaMulvil · 05/03/2024 22:57

Ring the police now. My cousin was murdered by her husband. She didn't ring the police. Don't be her. Your children will end up like hers, totally traumatised. Think of them and their future if you're dead.

Mummyofthewildones · 05/03/2024 22:58

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. Please report this 💐

GrumpyPanda · 05/03/2024 22:59

You won't be protecting your kids' innocence if he kills you next time or the one after. Trust me, they already know things aren't right.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 05/03/2024 23:00

You're in shock OP. Your body is in survival mode and knows if you process what happens, the life you know will change and that's a risk. He may get angry and that could put you back in danger. Your future will be different to the way you thought and that's scary.
Right now your mind is doing that thing of hoping if you don't acknowledge it, it didn't happen.

Your reaction in understandable. And unfortunately, a lot more of us have been there than you will ever know.

I know your feelings are all over the place, and I know you feel embarrassed, but there is not a single friend or family member of yours that would blame you, or not want to help.

Please, please, let them help you. You don't have to face the big stuff right now. Do it in small steps.
You taken the photos. Send them to someone you trust or email them to yourself.
Tell someone you trust that something happened and you're going to need some help.
Tomorrow (as long as you're safe tonight), get the kids to school and go to talk to someone (friend/family). Let them help make a plan.

Some practical things to consider:
If there is a chance he won't leave and you'll be spending a night elsewhere, pack pjs, clothes etc for you and the dc.
Take phone charger, iPads, medication, bank cards, keys to back door.

jpclarke · 05/03/2024 23:01

My aunt went through similar and it will only get worse and it is likely he will lose his temper on your children too. You sound incredibly close to your family, get the support you need and report it. Believe in yourself xx