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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

365 replies

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:19

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

OP posts:
WafflesOrIceCream · 05/03/2024 22:36

Leave him!You do not want your boys seeing this behaviour.
Please leave for your safety, for your self respect and for your boys.You do not want to raise your sons thinking it's ok to hit their wife.

LIZS · 05/03/2024 22:36

Report - Police, Women's Aid, gp. It will only escalate in violence and abuse. Please confide in a family member , you need support. If the children saw anything they may unwittingly divulge something, even if they are too little to understand fully, and that would create more of a safeguarding issue than if you take control and protect them now.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:37

LIZS · 05/03/2024 22:36

Report - Police, Women's Aid, gp. It will only escalate in violence and abuse. Please confide in a family member , you need support. If the children saw anything they may unwittingly divulge something, even if they are too little to understand fully, and that would create more of a safeguarding issue than if you take control and protect them now.

Thankfully they where not here we where having a date night

I just feel so embarrassed and empty

OP posts:
Coffeeeclair · 05/03/2024 22:38

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:37

Thankfully they where not here we where having a date night

I just feel so embarrassed and empty

Show quote history

There's nothing to feel embarrassed about, it's all on him. He's a piece of shit that needs reporting and dumping

Loveandserenity · 05/03/2024 22:39

I'm so sorry to read that this has happened to you OP.

The police might inform social work if you have young children but if you are removing yourself from the situation and you've reported it yourself, social work will likely not involve themselves. Try not to fear social work. I don't say this because it's an irrational fear and actually because I had the same fear at one time and it stopped me reporting. By reporting your H you're protecting your children yourself and there is no need for them to intervene much beyond this. They'll support.

Don't stay with him. Once you stay and listen to the apologies, you set your own worth. You teach him that you'll forgive.

Hoping you get all of the support that you need.

TakeOnFlea · 05/03/2024 22:39

Please just report him now. Call the police, you've nothing to be ashamed of!

itsachange2024 · 05/03/2024 22:39

I think you may be suffering from dissociation from the trauma, it's to mentally protect you but can make you feel you are on automatic pilot or in a dream like state.

Call womens aid right now

crumblingschools · 05/03/2024 22:40

I’m sorry you have been through this.

How old are DC?

please report and take photos of injuries. Has no-one noticed your bruises?

BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:41

You are NOT pathetic.
You are incredibly strong.
One more push of strength, tell your mum and let her give you some support and TLC and keep you and the children safe.
Just think how you would feel if it was one of your children in that position, you would absolutely want to know so you could help them right. Yes you probably will feel really emotional seeing your mum but that's probably going to be almost a feeling of relief.
You can do this. We're all here to keep you company.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:41

crumblingschools · 05/03/2024 22:40

I’m sorry you have been through this.

How old are DC?

please report and take photos of injuries. Has no-one noticed your bruises?

They are on my legs, ribs and neck not on my face

Funny that

OP posts:
ALLthecheeses · 05/03/2024 22:41

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:29

Will the police call social services and they will want to speak to
My kids ?

I can't put them
Through this

Show quote history

He tried to strangle you. It is very likely he will go on a kill you. Your kids will find that much harder to deal with.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:41

crumblingschools · 05/03/2024 22:40

I’m sorry you have been through this.

How old are DC?

please report and take photos of injuries. Has no-one noticed your bruises?

12 and 3

12 yr old idolises his dad

I feel so so bad for them

OP posts:
daffodilandtulip · 05/03/2024 22:41

Will the police call social services and they will want to speak to
My kids?

Yes ... but at this stage it will be to help you. If you leave it until he's done this a few more times, then you will be looked at as you putting the children at risk. Do it now Flowers

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:42

itsachange2024 · 05/03/2024 22:39

I think you may be suffering from dissociation from the trauma, it's to mentally protect you but can make you feel you are on automatic pilot or in a dream like state.

Call womens aid right now

100% how I'm feeling

OP posts:
Coffeeeclair · 05/03/2024 22:42

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:41

They are on my legs, ribs and neck not on my face

Funny that

Show quote history

Very strategical for a man who claims he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything

Loveandserenity · 05/03/2024 22:43

Call Women's Aid. They will answer any questions you have, provide support and keep everything confidential. Reach out to family and/or friends.

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 22:43

He will do it again. Its never a one off. Next time he could kill you and what would that do to your boys?

Call the police now. I've been in your situation and it's hard but you have to do it.

ScaredAndPanicky · 05/03/2024 22:43

Go to women's aid
They will support you talking to the police - they arranged for me to see the domestic abuse officer and stayed with me as they talked to me.
One of my teens chose to talk to the police and social services. The other chose not to.

The dream like state is called dissociation, it is very common after violent/sexual attacks and is a way of protecting yourself when you have gone past flight or fight responses as a situation is so dangerous.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:44

BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:41

You are NOT pathetic.
You are incredibly strong.
One more push of strength, tell your mum and let her give you some support and TLC and keep you and the children safe.
Just think how you would feel if it was one of your children in that position, you would absolutely want to know so you could help them right. Yes you probably will feel really emotional seeing your mum but that's probably going to be almost a feeling of relief.
You can do this. We're all here to keep you company.

Thank you

I feel better already just type it it out even if it is to strangers

The longer I've left it I feel more and more like I can't do anything but ignore him and hope he goes away

I'm not scared of him he's pathetic in my eyes

OP posts:
BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:44

Have you got any friends or family who will still be awake tonight?
Please txt them now. Keep yourself and the kids safe.

itsachange2024 · 05/03/2024 22:45

It's not dangerous it's a mental protection but it can make it hard to concentrate and feelings are muffled.
One step at a time.
Call womens aid.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:45

BobbyBleu · 05/03/2024 22:44

Have you got any friends or family who will still be awake tonight?
Please txt them now. Keep yourself and the kids safe.

I'm in bed and the kids are

He is asleep downstairs

You have all made me feel that little bit stronger I think
I'll skip work tomorrow and try and figure out my next move

OP posts:
daffodilandtulip · 05/03/2024 22:45

Strangulation is one of the major red flags of indicating to the police that the person is likely to become much more violent in the future, including killing their partner.

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:46

daffodilandtulip · 05/03/2024 22:45

Strangulation is one of the major red flags of indicating to the police that the person is likely to become much more violent in the future, including killing their partner.

I have read this a few times today

I feel sick

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 05/03/2024 22:46

Oh, love. What your boys need more than anything is their mum to be alive. You very nearly weren't. Strangling is incredibly high risk for killing you. And it will escalate. It always escalates. Call the police. Speak to Women's Aid. Get out to your family. But do not stay. Do not let him finish what he started. Do not let him murder you.