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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

365 replies

unmumsyma1 · 05/03/2024 22:19

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

OP posts:
MistyBean · 06/03/2024 19:33

As others have said, you could go to a and E. That's what it's there for x

Chichix · 06/03/2024 19:36

Please speak to the police and block him.
Ask for a non molesation order.

Make sure you're doing everything to protect yourself and your children.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 06/03/2024 19:52

Honestly, if I hurt someone I loved and I genuinely couldn’t remember then I could be checking myself in to the gps with concern about psychosis. I would also move myself out without being asked to make sure they are safe.

Funny he isn’t doing any of that! Instead he is starting the sob story, trying to make you feel sorry for him. This should strengthen your resolve.

Andthereyougo · 06/03/2024 19:58

You’re doing well.
Ignore the sob stories, they usually try that.
Do get yourself checked out, either via GP or A&E. you need to know if there’s anything broken and it’ll be on record too.
Stay strong.

JohnSt1 · 06/03/2024 19:59

When you start getting the sob stories and reasons why he did this, just remember that he beat you up because he thinks you are weaker than him and that he can get away with it. Notice how he has never tried to beat up a man who was bigger and stronger than him.

You deserve better than him.

BirthdayRainbow · 06/03/2024 20:23

Mute him so you don't have your phone beeping. He will keep trying. Don't leave it any longer for medical treatment.

Shoutinglagerlagerlager · 06/03/2024 20:34

Glad your Mum is supportive OP.
I really would advise you to report this to the police without delaying further.

Pumpkinpie1 · 06/03/2024 20:43

Please mute conversations with your Husband. Words can not undo what he has done.
His violence has shown you and your children are not safe with him.
See your GP and GO TO THE POLICE!

Scarletttulips · 06/03/2024 21:05

His actions have consequences, he’s now worried he’ll be in trouble and lose his job etc and thinking he needs to m no ow look after himself and the kids etc - he’s not thinking of you he’s thinking of himself.

ohfourfoxache · 06/03/2024 21:06

Bloody hell, just seen this thread

Above all else, well done. You sound like a strong, brave, capable lady. What an incredible example you’re setting your kids

There are going to be difficult days ahead. But you’re already through the worst. Nothing can be worse than what you’ve been through already. PLEASE hang onto that. You are strong. You are tough. You can do this x

scoobysnaxx · 06/03/2024 22:21

Don't listen to his messages OP

It must be SO HARD right now and impossible to see what the future looks like.

But imagine future you and what she would say to you right now. The same thing your mum and others would probably be saying.

Keep going. You will get through this. You will get over this. AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY AND YOU WILL NEVER REGRET LEAVING.

This is the hardest part OP. The only way is up, even when you don't feel like it is!

Just put one foot in front of the other each day xxx

oakleaffy · 06/03/2024 22:51

unmumsyma1 · 06/03/2024 17:57

So overwhelmed by all of your kind messages of support

You have helped me so so much

I tried to get a gp appt but as usual it's a mission.. I have online gp service as an employee benefit that's private so will do that tomorrow to log it and see if I need further checks

He's begging already and sending me sob story messages

That's par for the course, @unmumsyma1 .

He will plead, promise, say how sorry he is, how he loves you and the kids, how he'll never, ever, on his mum's life ever lay a finger on you again, please believe him, he was drunk, he was stressed, he'll never drink again, think of the children,

All a load of bollocks

He will start by being nice.
Then he will fall back .

The violence will start, but worse than before.

You will look into the eyes of a mad stranger, teeth bared, as he comes at you again, un-placatable as the blows rain down, and the violence ramps up a gear.

You do not need this.
Protect your children and you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/03/2024 23:03

unmumsyma1 · 06/03/2024 17:57

So overwhelmed by all of your kind messages of support

You have helped me so so much

I tried to get a gp appt but as usual it's a mission.. I have online gp service as an employee benefit that's private so will do that tomorrow to log it and see if I need further checks

He's begging already and sending me sob story messages

I am afraid that you need to be prepared for the next step.

After the begging and sob stories dont work the anger will kick in. It will be all your fault, you deserved it etc. Abusive men ALWAYS get worse when you escape so please I BEG YOU, contact the police.

At the very least it will help you to get a non molestation order although if he is charged he will be given bail conditions to not contact you, which is a start.

Copperoliverbear · 06/03/2024 23:09

If you are frightened to call the police just pack his bags tell him to leave quietly otherwise you will call the police and show them everything. X

cestlavielife · 06/03/2024 23:13

Copperoliverbear · 06/03/2024 23:09

If you are frightened to call the police just pack his bags tell him to leave quietly otherwise you will call the police and show them everything. X

Do not use that. Whatever he does you must report.
Get out and report to police. He beat you up.
Do not hide this.

Copperoliverbear · 06/03/2024 23:21

@cestlavielife I am saying that because she said at first she did not want police incase they tell SS, it is her choice, she is brave and wise to leave, whatever she does afterwards is her choice.

SavageTomato · 06/03/2024 23:31

'Just pack his bags and....' threaten to blackmail him? Are you fucking insane? You've not thought that through so best drop it. She needs encouragement to speak to the police. Not some hare brained plot to make him see sense. Which won't happen. Hope that helps.

oakleaffy · 07/03/2024 00:37

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/03/2024 23:03

I am afraid that you need to be prepared for the next step.

After the begging and sob stories dont work the anger will kick in. It will be all your fault, you deserved it etc. Abusive men ALWAYS get worse when you escape so please I BEG YOU, contact the police.

At the very least it will help you to get a non molestation order although if he is charged he will be given bail conditions to not contact you, which is a start.

Show quote history

@unmumsyma1 Please do listen to those advising calling the police.
You really do need their protection.

I tried to stick up for a friend who was being abused by her useless scrote of a boyfriend, and he hit me so hard he broke his hand.

What really hurt was when my friend left with him to go to casualty to get his hand seen to.

She later told me that he'd told doctors and x ray staff he'd been in a fight with a man.
I was just a slim teenager at the time.

Friend did eventually leave the scrote, and said she'd gone to hospital with him out of fear.

These men are little cowardly shits, but you do definitely need to protect yourself by contacting police. You may well get a nice police woman to help.

Spring5 · 07/03/2024 07:16

Please go to the police to register this. It also sends him a clear message too

also go to the gp to log it (you might need this in the future)

the only way SS will take your children away is if you continue to live with him and he continues to beat you (we which he will), please get him out for their sakes

womens aid will be able to advise you of your next steps and that will also be a log, how to get out safely

please do something op, this wont go away, next time he could kill you

Original poster
unmumsyma1 · 07/03/2024 07:33

Struggling today
Not much sleep
Kids keep asking where he is

The crying and begging and apologies continue and I feel guilty as stupid as that sounds - on a different number as blocked him

Know I'm doing the right thing but god it's awful

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 07/03/2024 07:44

Of course it is. But this is not your life forever. Eventually he will be punished and you will be safe. You will sleep and your children will be told age appropriate explanations.

Make your plan today to go to the police and GP. To be a good mum you must look after yourself and you can't do that with potentially a broken nose and ribs and the doctor will be able to help you get sleep. You'll sleep so much better once he is dealt with too.

Over40Overdating · 07/03/2024 07:47

@unmumsyma1 💐 you are doing amazingly. He’s relying on your guilt to save him from the consequences of his own actions.

If he was truly sorry, he wouldn’t be hassling you. He’d be telling you he understands why he can’t be around you, what treatment and help he’s seeking and he would have gone to the police himself to tell them what he did.

The anger will come next and that may be easier for you to deal with but you do need to report him. You need the trail for when he decides he is the victim and start lashing out. They all follow the same pattern, sadly!

MariaVT65 · 07/03/2024 08:09

Keep going as you are op. Remember how pathetic he is and that’s it’s quite easy not to beat up your wife.

REignbow · 07/03/2024 08:27

I am pleased that you are going to the GP to get your injuries checked over and that you asked him to leave. You need to call the police and get a non molestation order, so that he stops contacting you.

He is not sorry that he hurt you. He is only sorry that he may have the to face the legal ramifications of what he has done.

The fact that he tried to strangle you is very serious. The Dc may miss him, they may not understand why he cannot come back but they would be devastated more so by their father killing their mother.