Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

[unmumsyma1]

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

Those bags of common shit ALWAYS say ''oh, I can't remember''. They bloody well can.

To be honest, I wouldn't bother going to the ''police'', they're absolutely useless and never believe the women victims, they'll accuse you of making it all up while they worship your hubby.

Try to get help from women's aid and some authority with the kids.

Best of luck, and dump and kick out that scumbag as soon as you can.

This is absolutely not true at all, my son-in-law works for the CID and I can confirm they absolutely do take domestic abuse seriously.

My former husband, a police officer ‘didn’t remember’ and cried the first few times after he attacked me. He didn’t bother with this bullshit on many subsequent occasions. Your husband won’t stop now he’s started. If you don’t take any action he’ll become worse as he realises he can get away with it. I stayed for six years until I found the courage to leave. Don’t be me.

@unmumsyma1 How is it going now? Have you been to your mum yet? As far as my post above goes, the Police absolutely do take domestic violence seriously and I know how hard that first step is going to be. You've had good advice and links. It's been a few days now, don't sit on this any longer, you're not safe and you can't spend your life stepping on egg shells, you now know what he's capable of and in my experience, it's never only once, don't wait for the second time. My heart goes out to you, Loose Women dedicated their programme yesterday about domestic abuse and I was shocked which I shouldn't have been really, it's time to act and you will get through this, I promise X

OP I totally get your worry about social services, I’m in a similar position with domestic abuse and they have been nothing but supportive. I know it’s scary but please do contact police, they can put you in touch with domestic abuse specialists to help you and your children x

I’m a peer support worker at a refuge OP and I cannot stress enough that you need to do something and immediately.

Non fatal strangulation is where our alarm bells scream. This man is only going to get more violent. You say you don’t want the kids to know and I understand that completely but if he attacks you again you could end up dead. Sending you all the love in the world, I’ve experienced DV too and the sense of freedom is like no other.

@unmumsyma1 💐

I hope you get a doctor's appointment today, if not, please go to the hospital, I think it's important you get checked over and also that there's a record your injuries need to be seen. Tell the truth about how they were sustained.

Please, please, you and anyone else reading who may be in a similar situation, understand that

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT

there is NO shame
you do not cause anyone to behave in a certain way
you have no brought it on yourself
whatever happens next, is not on you, whoever injures you starts a chain of action and brings the consequences on themself
it's you now, but there's a very high chance that someone angry and out of control will harm their own children too

Lean on your mother and any other sources of help, you will get through it all. Most important, you do not want to suffer this abuse again.

Leave while you still can!

I really hope you are with your Mum at the moment, OP. You need her support and guidance, right now.

I really hope she supports the message here that you need to report this to the Police and speak to Women's Aid asap.

You have NO reason to feel ashamed. He has every reason to.

Part of protecting your kids from this IS protecting yourself by getting you all away from him. Next time, and there will be a next time, your kids could be there and witness something that will haunt them for life.

I really hope your Mum rips that twat a new one.

You have gone nothing to be ashamed of.
A man who does this and then claims he can’t remember anything is dangerous.
You need to either leave with the children or get the police to remove him.

I can’t emphasise enough that this is a very dangerous situation to be in ( been there, had the t shirt) Your safety is paramount and there is no shame at all in getting help.

I have been thinking about you all morning. I hope you're with your mom now getting the support you need.

I know you feel shocked and disassociated right now, it's a completely normal reaction. Your brain and body have gone into survival mode. Your instincts are screaming at you that you're in great danger and you've gone into survival mode where you're just trying to get through the day. This is normal. It will take time to get to a place where you can process what has happened, and that's why it's so so important that right in this moment you let other people who love you carry this with you. Let them see the bigger picture for you and help you through this.

I think once you start telling people it will feel so liberating. You will see that the only shame is on the abuser. None of this is your fault. You don't deserve any of this. You deserve love, safety and respect. Wishing you all the strength in the world as you get through today, to the better days ahead of you.

The police may well call social services when you report him, but to offer you support. However if you don't take any action and he does it again when your kids are there they will be less understanding because the longer you let him away with it, the more you're putting your children at risk. If he attacked them the same way he could very well kill them. That's why at risk registers exist. Please do the right thing for you and your children

I can understand why you might not want to go to the police OP but you 100% need to get your kids and yourself away from him.

Don't hesitate to report this the Police, it sounds like a particularly nasty assault and please believe me that despite his tears and contrition this will happen again.
Statistically women suffer 7 episodes of domestic violence before they finally report it.
He will not go to prison for this but he will get probation support in the form of domestic violence therapy. He will also be bailed with conditions not to contact you so you will be safe.
Please do this before he assaults you again - he thinks he has got away with it, it will happen again
Sorry

Hope you’re okay OP.

Don’t let anyone in your real life convince you not to report this to the police. People can minimise and have divided loyalties when they know both parties.

Good luck.

Hi OP

I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. It's horrific. You're not pathetic at all, you're in shock as what you have just experienced is immense trauma. I hope you manage to find some support and strength from telling your mum today.

What is it that you want to happen next?

You are probably in shock, still.
Now the Rubicon has been crossed with such violence being used against you by your husband, there is no going back.

He has shown extreme violence to you once, he will again. It's just a matter of when.

You will be tiptoeing around waiting for the next Violent eruption and that is no way to live, for either you or the children.

You really should visit your GP sooner rather than later so your injuries can be documented.

You and the children need a place of safety as soon as possible.

Yes, it will be a huge upheaval , but better than being a victim for the rest of your life.

My husband was your 12 yr old son, he says please leave and be safe. My husband’s mum did not and he still
has issues now around safety and other things 38 yrs on.

Please leave, please protect your children and yourself.

I can agree with the ''It will happen again''

I have had two friends who had violent partners in the past {both had children with the violent men} and they kept going back and the assaults got worse and worse requiring hospital treatment.

Horrible.

Being beaten by someone who supposedly 'loves' you?... no one deserves or needs that.

Children who get beaten have no voice.

You do, @unmumsyma1 .

Get out.

Agreed- A friend listened to their mother being attacked and raped by their father as children

Both adult children have severe anxiety and depression.

It was a “nice” middle class home in a lovely area.

Crazily the parents are still together- but at great cost to the children.

But you will put them through far worse if you stay

Thinking of you OP, hope all is well

You phone the police. Your h physically abused you. Next time he's drunk he could kill you. What would happen to your boys then? Phone the police, get photos taken and press charges. You must protect yourself because the person you trusted has harmed you.

I hope you get able to tell your mum and are getting the support you need.

My post was not for you, it was for the OP. People tend to minimise what has happened to them because it can be overwhelming and because of the fear of the implications of facing up to what has happened to them. DV can result in very low self esteem because it is designed to undermine and dehumanise in order to control.

My post was about showing that even rage can leave some kind of self control.

And don't bother with your faux concern about my anger thanks. I already said it hasn't happened in years, so please patronise someone else.

Dissociation feels like being slow and dream like , as if not really here, maybe partly somewhere else.
The brain is still working but the higher cognitions are muted as you are in shut down.
Try to connect with reality/ cold water in face, look outside, feel feet on the ground.