Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

[unmumsyma1]

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

Social worker here - they won't take your kids.

At least photograph injuries so you have these to show if you feel able to report.

The best thing in the world to do right now is to tell a loved one. They can help keep you and your children safe. If you speak out, your husband looses his control and power.

Well done for telling your mum OP and telling him to leave, understand there may be many reasons why anyone might not. I know things may get worse before they get better, please keep posting and we will be here to talk. You have nothing to be ashamed about and everything to be proud of yourself about xx

If you can, do speak to the police about when they will arrest your husband. They will just do it whenever officers are free ime - dh was arrested at 8pm at night when his mother was visiting. No warning, it was about a week since I spoke to them about the incident.
In hindsight, I'd have liked warning. Luckily kids were in bed and had no idea.

@unmumsyma1 well done for taking the first steps, you're doing amazingly!

If you don't feel able to go to the police right now, please go see your GP and tell them everything, get your injuries on record officially.

Sending support

I'm so glad you've confided in your mother @unmumsyma1

Your husband may be reasonable over moving out and may not cause any more bother, but for your peace of mind do get old fashioned door chains on the front and back doors and bolts. I don't think you're entitled to change the locks, but he may have more than one set of keys and you don't want to be taken by surprise if he's not playing nice. Besides, another layer of security is a good thing.

I'd also want to be sure the police know you're a victim of serious physical abuse so that should you need to call them in future, your address is flagged up.

Well done for telling your mum. That was really brave of you. Hopefully the next steps will be easier now the fog is lifting and you have support from your mum.

May I suggest you don't go to the house alone - he could turn at any time again to re-assert himself. Take care of you and your lovely kids x

Well done OP you have been amazingly brave! I'm so glad you are with your mum now. Take it easy and one step at a time. This is the hard bit but you will all be ok. Lean on your mum, that is what she is there for. Lean on your friends too, they will want to help and look after you x

You've been so brave, well done OP. Tomorrow I'd take another day off work and sort police and doctor's out.

Another poster here willing you on. You've made massive steps today, you're so much stronger than you think you are.
I'll join others in recommending you get looked at by a doctor, your health comes first 💐

@unmumsyma1 so proud of you 💐

I’m going to join the chorus of please see the gp, your ribs sound like they need looked at.

Well done today, you are probably exhausted now. Remember you haven’t done anything to harm / break up your family - he has.

Well done for taking the first steps and I agree that you might be best to stay with Mum tonight. You deserve some love and comfort.

I also join with others in saying it's in your best interest to report this to the police now (or soon). He'll want to come back and if he's had a few drinks, he might become aggressive again. The police need to know what they're dealing with if he kicks off at your doorstep or approaches you in the street.

I know you're worried about social services but as others have said, they're only interested in safeguarding the children. By reporting this assault to the police, you'll have shown that you can be trusted to keep them safe but if you don't, it could look like you're not capable of putting the children's welfare first. It's much better for your family if you show SS that you're a strong parent who won't ever risk your children's safety so please grit your teeth and make that call.

Well done OP, you're doing so well. I'm concerned about your nosebleed. After a head injury nosebleeds can indicate brain injury, concussion or possible a skull fracture. You really need to get checked over.

So overwhelmed by all of your kind messages of support

You have helped me so so much

I tried to get a gp appt but as usual it's a mission.. I have online gp service as an employee benefit that's private so will do that tomorrow to log it and see if I need further checks

He's begging already and sending me sob story messages

I'm so so sorry this happened to you but the strength you are showing through your posts will see you get through this. Sending you a huge virtual hug and wishing you further strength in the times ahead. Please don't be another statistic and please see it through, if he's given a chance for a next time it could be your last time and he needs to be on the police radar for future times ahead.
All the best to you and the kids.

He has a fucking cheek to be messaging you at all! Absolutely flabbergasted at the brass neck of someone to beat the shite out of you and have the audacity to ask you for anything when you leave. Trying make it all about him with fucking sob stories. It's horrifying op and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I echo prior posters about reporting this to the police. Because there may come a time where you have to show he has been abusive in order to better protect your kids. It'll help you a great deal to have on record what he has done even if they don't pursue criminal charges.

They should though, men who assault women, let alone to this degree, should be locked up so they can't hurt others. Or, their kids. Whats to stop him beating your daughter up if he gets drunk some night? And don't say he wouldn't, because last week you'd never have thought he would attack you. And no, you staying would not protect the kids, they'd just witness their mother being abused forever, not being able to help her, and grow up thinking abusive relationships are normal.

Protect your kids, get the assault on record. That way it'll be easier to get them away from him if and when necessary. Tbh...I'd be going for full custody now on the back of, you know, him being a violent piece of shit. Its not as easy as all that of course but seriously the only way to protect yourself from his kind is to have a strong offence.

Do not negotiate with terrorists, as they say. His sort take kindness and compromise as weakness. And they attack weakness.

If your children are older then of course they can just refuse to see him. If they're older I'd probably tell them why you left and that they don't have to see him anymore either if they don't want to. He'll probably give it the 'Oh she's keeping me from my kids waaaaah' to all and sundry but, who gives a fuck. Let him winge. He probably won't take you to court for custody if he knows you'll tell the judge what he did. Even if he does, the court will take older children's choices into consideration if they don't want to stay with him anymore.

Buy if your kids are young, definately go to the police. Tbh I'd go anyway. He broke the law in one of the worst possible ways anyone could. He belongs in jail.

Get yourself that gp appointment and tell thrm the truth at the very least. So there is official record of what he's done somewhere.

Well done for getting out. Never go back. Next time he could kill you.

You should be proud of yourself @unmumsyma1 you’ve protected yourself and your kids despite your fears.

GP app is always a mission but while your wait, I would echo other posters on contacting the police. Once your ex realises the sob stories aren’t working he could turn nasty so have his assault on file. He is the only one to blame for what happens after that. Good luck!

So proud of you for telling your Mum, it was the right thing to do. The next right thing is A&E to be checked over, that nosebleed is worrying as are you ribs. Please contact the Police, he may go from crying to threatening. The Police need to be aware that he is threat to you.

@unmumsyma1 you are so so so so strong.

One word - POLICE !

Oh well done on going to your mum and telling her. That is such an enormous step forward. Proud of you. Could your mum go with you to the police? Maybe?

Block him.

If you have a head injury a nosebleed though that really does need medical attention. As do the ribs.

Wtf was he thinking, the absolute twat!

Sending you best wishes op. He brass necked what a cheek.

He will, abusers always do, they always follow this pattern.

Please make sure you email your photographic evidence to your mum and perhaps a trusted friend so that you have copies.

Don't ring for a long-term appointment, this merits an emergency appointment. Ring first thing and don't be ashamed to say why, they have seen and heard everything before and they are here to help you.

Love.

I'm so glad you've told your mum and getting some support. I bet you felt relieved to tell her.
What a surprise he's starting with the sob stories. He might be struggling and need help but there's no excuse for what he did to you.
Hopefully he will get himself some help and look into therapy/group work to deal with his issues so he never acts this way again to anyone else.
Meanwhile you will be so much safer without him in the house and around the children.
You're being so brave. Well done! Next step is telling the police. Do you feel ready to?