Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

I don't understand your outrage and 1975 comment for a lot of people 8pm is late to eat especially during the week.

op does he cook or even help you eating and then clearing up must take up the best part of the evening could you batch cook some meals as a compromise?

I'd definitely rather eat before 8pm from a digestion point of view (not from a supposedly culturally superior point of view ).

Being relieved because there's no 'clanking of pans' is pathetic. What a daft reason for wanting processed ready meals over home-cooked food!

You have a lovely hubby OP, don't let go of him

Do you know the OP's husband? Or are you in fact the OP's husband...

It's generally a family and class thing. Which are usually culturally one and the same

If you are coming back from a day of manual labour/being a cleaner/carer/ physically grafting 8 until 5 and then had to wait 3 and a half hours for your food it would not be fun.
If the most physical part of your day was your commute, and you have a cleaner/pay someone to do the DIY and most of the childcare then if course you won't be as hungry.

This on top of the fact your parents, grandparents etc did the same you also are used to eating later or earlier.

Well that all sounds very glamorous and patronising all in a post but not everyone is fannying about in reasturants on a Wednesday night.

Sounds like you need to cook a meal for the following day rather than the meal you want to eat that night.

Childified?
Surely one of the greatest joys of being an ADULT is choosing what time you eat your meals based on your way of life/preferences!
I have to get up at 4.45am for work, it isn't ideal for me to be eating my evening meal later than 8pm, we usually try and aim to eat by 7pm depending on what everyone has been doing.
I wouldn't expect someone who gets up at 9am to keep the same schedule as me as I would expect them to go to bed several hours later than me....nothing to do with either of us being 'childified'.

What's 1975 got to do with it?
My parents never ate before 8pm. From being married in 1951.
It's familial culture not because people were weird 50 years ago. What an odd view.

That would be late for me, but normal for some.
He's not saying he doesn't like your cooking just that he wants to eat earlier.
Maybe save cooking from scratch to the nights you can start earlier. Or do prep the night before.

This thread reminds me of children showing off about how late they stay up.

I eat anywhere from 5pm to midnight depending on the schedule.

But I don't want to eat late, why is it better to wait until your stomach is digesting itself? Somehow its more enlightened because it means the woman must be working and not cooking? People WFH it has nothing to do with that.

My goodness there are some patronising comments on this thread ! 1975 ? ( renting well! ), childified ?
Any minute now someone will be along to say that they are so busy they never eat before midnight but still get up at 4 to start their 14 hour day !
One of the great things about being an adult is being able to choose when to eat , when to sleep etc.

There are lots of quick suppers that take 15-30 minutes max. I'd probably do a combination of those and batch cooking. I must admit, 8pm would be late for us here too and we try to eat several hours before bed.

Speechless 🙊 😶

MN at its middle class patronising best 🤣

childified

🤔

I think 8-9-10 pm is fine on holiday.
During a working week, no way far too late. Doesn't eating so late mean faff in the kitchen late on then digesting a meal whilst sleeping?

1975?
Childified.
Manual labour.

Well might not be true in your world but 100% is where I live. My family all eat at 6 at the latest. As do all the people I grew up with. Mostly working class/lower middle class.
DH is from a middle class family and all his friends growing up ate after 7pm.
We argue about it all the time as I hate eating late as not used to it. His dad was a lawyer, mine a builder. Dad was hungry the minute he came in. His dad had a whiskey and some peanuts then waits for an hour or two.

It's a thing. Google it!

This reminds me when we ate out at 7 in Italy and the waitress was laughing at us for eating so early. It was all good natured and the meal was fantastic. We were the first people, but by 7:30 several other couples had shown up. I love eating early and then having the evening ahead to chill out or go for a walk. Mind you I also like to go to bed by 10/10:30 so maybe people who eat later are people who tend to go to bed later too.

I don’t even have a set time to eat. I live with my teenage son so sometimes we eat at 5 or 6 sometimes it’s 7 or 8. No thought put into it, just depends on who’s hungry.

Maybe I should ask him if we’re feeling middle or working class that day 😁

But it's 2024. And we're all adults. Don't we choose to eat, each day, at a time which suits us?

I agree that it's partly a class thing. Obviously there are individual differences too.

I suspect that a lot of the disdain on this thread for early eating is actually just clas prejudice.

We don't have a fixed mealtime. It often tends to be on the later end because we're busy with work etc, but we try to eat earlier when we can. I think there is evidence that eating earlier is healthier, but it isn't what I'm used to and we struggle to achieve it as often as we would like!!

Eating at 8pm isn’t late - but it’s too late for some people.

His issue isn’t personal so don’t take it that way.

He can just suck it up a couple nights a week, you can batch cook, or just cook on weekends ,

Why’s it patronising?

It’s just social history.

I could not work up an appetite to eat for 6pm, but maybe your DH is starving, although why he couldn’t be satisfied with a small snack whilst waiting is anyone’s guess?

I’d be disappointed in your shoes but I suspect it’s targeted at his hunger rather than your ability

The time you'd like to eat is obviously very personal (as seen on this thread). There is no right and wrong. People develop different habits, based on culture / what was normal as a child / working habits / commute time / how long they take to cook etc.

So long as the people who eat together agree on a good time - that's the right time.

To those who like eating at 730and afterwards - although not 'wrong' - it isn't good for your gut and for metabolosing your food. It's actually now quite 'old fashioned' to eat so late as it isn't the healthiest way.

We tend to eat between 6 and 7 (sed to be much later). If we eat later, especially if it's a big meal, I can really feel the difference, including not sleeping as well and more bloating the next day.

But back to your question op - I don't think you should be hurt by his comments. He was just giving an honest opinion, and presumably not in a rude or hurtful way. If I was hoping to eat at 7 and the meal wasn't ready until 8, I'd be hungry and frustrated. I don't like to faff too much on work nights. We either batch cook before and heat up, or do something that only takes half an hour to cook.

I’d be eating toast by 7 if it was me.