Husband says he's 'relieved' when we have a ready meal instead of me cooking

[Coralinea]

My husband and I sometimes cook from scratch, and sometimes have a ready meal (for the oven, such as a fish pie).

I've always really liked cooking. If we cook anything from scratch, it's normally me who cooks, and we normally eat a bit later (closer to 8pm than 7pm) because of the prep. I like making things like curries and pasta bakes, and I experiment with new things.

The other day, my husband said he feels 'relieved' when we have a ready meal, because we eat earlier and there's no clanking around of pans and extra washing up (though we have a big dishwasher that does most of this).

AIBU to feel really annoyed he said this, and to feel like I just don't want to cook for him anymore? I feel like if it's not ready before 7.30, then he's annoyed it's 'late' and would prefer a ready meal.

Thanks for all the meal prep suggestions and advice .

When my husband sorts dinner, he never cooks anything from scratch unless we have a meal kit in the house (we sometimes get 'hello fresh'). He would normally have the meal ready between 7 and 7.30. When I cook, I have it ready been 7.30 and 8.

I have cooked chicken casseroles and frozen them, but he thinks they sound boring and so suggests something else.

I see that he may be hungrier than I am at 7.30. But the way he said it was in a complaining tone.

Most everyone I know in my work circle eats between 5:30-7:30 on weeknights. The restaurants in my smallish town close 8:30/9. Those w kids eat on the earlier side. I was a bit shocked when a friend asked us to come to dinner for food on the table at 5 (weekend). We have a dc (7) and feel strongly that dinner should be family time (for family interaction and food appreciation), so we always eat together (and need dc asleep by 8:30/9).

7:30/8pm is a bit late to be eating dinner then needing to wash up after, it must be gone 9pm by the time you sit down and relax in the evening .

Can you start doing some of the prep the night before like chopping veg/making up the pasta sauce etc so it’s literally the cooking to do, that might speed things up or batch cook and freeze so you’re basically having a home made ready meal. Or get a slow cooker, prep the night before or morning before work then just switch it on before you leave for work, it’ll be ready when you get home.

We tend to do this in reverse. My teens are still at college/work/sports at 5. They will get themselves a snack when home then dinner is later on when everyone is home and finished work.

OP, you both get in around 6.30, could your partner get himself a snack if he can’t wait for dinner? His attitude would annoy me too.

this whole thread has just made me hungry

i had dinner at 5pm today because i was starving
but it’s 11.25 now so i might go make a 2nd dinner

Having a degree doesn’t mean you get to finish work earlier, I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.

I have a bachelors degree and a masters degree. I can get home from work anytime from 5pm up to 1am depending on my schedule. And i don’t feel like I have a rubbish quality of life.

Fair enough.

But l would hate it.

He would be welcome to take over cooking duties any time he likes.

If there's literally only half an hour difference in him cooking versus you then are you sure that the reasons he is giving (dislikes pots and pans clanging about, is hungry earlier than you, etc.) are legitimate? Or is he trying to (gently? discreetly?) point put that he's not all that keen on your cooking? 😬

It sounds to me like the clearing up is more the issue, especially if it’s at the tail end of a working day. Maybe save the fancy experimental cooking for the weekend when you can eat later over a relaxed meal.

We clear up the next morning. I’m sure that many of you are having conniptions at the mere idea, but it works for us.

@Coralinea ultimately, even if he is hungry and it is too late for him he should not complain about having dinner made for him - he can get his own dinner earlier if he's so bothered

golden rule of marriage - never complain about food made for you :D

Very true my old friend @PaintedEgg.

@Coralinea could you get him gourmet cooking lessons for his next birthday? It does sound as though he may be hooked on hyperpalatable ready meals with all their refined carbs and additives if he is turning his nose up at your chicken casserole.

I used to have the opposite problem. DH never thought about cooking until I arrived home, then he might suggest we made a pizza - as in I make the dough and he make the topping. One time I came in after 8 and the kitchen was a dust bowl and the cooker wasn’t even in its place.

If the kitchen is full of stuff everywhere, amd hob/oven is occupied, it's a bit hard though. Both me and DH have had our stages of insisting on gourmet style lengthy preparations after work. Sometimes when the other person is starving and can't be fussed to wait hours, even then they can't really make a meal bar creeping around getting a really basic sandwich.

I have learnt a new word today.

He gets hungry. 6.00 is dinner time.

...except it isn't in their house because because when he makes dinner it's 7pm-7.30pm ....?

You are being unreasonable. Hes just hungry and wants to eat earlier. Its not like he said he doesnt like what you cook, he probably just wants to relax after a day at work, ,

I do get what he is saying as he is probably hungry, but I would be peeved too and be reluctant to cook as efforts do not appear to be appreciated. Don't take it as he doesn't like your cooking as that doesn't sound to be the case. Maybe do cooking from scratch at weekends so dinner time can stay the same, and you could batch cook your curry or pasta bake so you can have it midweek without the prep, ie from fridge a couple of days later or freeze a few portions. I did this in the last trimester of pregnancy and it was a lifesaver for the first few months to have a decent meal without the massive cook up and prep.

We eat at 7pm after children eat at 5.15 ish - I can spend time with them before bed

YNBU as your entitled to cook for who you want, but I wouldn’t want to eat that late either, what time do you start cooking if doing from scratch to be eating that late? Would batch cooking in advance help avoid this?